by Kimberly Blackadar
Member since:
October 8, 2009

"The Path" (FWE Tanka)

May 06, 2011 03:01 PM UTC
views: 0 | 13 people recommend this | comments: 54

“The Path”

 

A lone path beckons

Boasting her vernal beauty

In the morning light

Absconding from the chaos

To seek peace in the unknown

 

 

 

 

 

 

[whetstone]

 

This week try your hand at writing a tanka. 5 lines with the 5/7/5/7/7 syllable count. Write about whatever you want but make sure to focus on the emotional ties you have to the subject. Please no more than three posts per person, I’d like to have some time to fully appreciate your work.

Prompt: May 6th—May 15th ‘FWE ~ Tanka’

Deadline: Thursday, May 14th Midnight ET

Put ‘FWE Tanka’ in your title and tag and post to Gather Writing Essentials or I will not find it. Remember to put 'whetstone' at the bottom if you would like constructive criticism or edits from me.

Cheers!

Bridget

 

Comments: 54

Tessa D. May 6, 2011, 3:22pm UTC
woof
Kimberly Blackadar May 6, 2011, 3:26pm UTC
That makes me think of your dog, Tessa. I hope you are recovering from your loss.
Tessa D. May 6, 2011, 3:27pm UTC
thanx -- I keep blubbering -- must bury his collar today and plant flowers over it -- he was too big for me to bury at home
Kimberly Blackadar May 6, 2011, 6:19pm UTC
Oh, today will be a sad day then. Thinking about you, Tessa.
Tessa D. May 6, 2011, 6:34pm UTC
I read Psalm 23 over Bandit's collar -- it's taking me forever to put the dirty back into the hole, since my back was injured
Char H. May 6, 2011, 8:08pm UTC
Tessa, I'm sorry to hear of your loss!
Tessa D. May 6, 2011, 8:57pm UTC
thanx, Char -- woof
Janet "Jax" B. May 6, 2011, 3:33pm UTC
nice Kimberly....
Kimberly Blackadar May 6, 2011, 6:16pm UTC
Thanx, Jax!
J. Reid May 6, 2011, 3:44pm UTC
Such a familiar road to walk...

Excellent composition.

Thank you for sharing with: Not Gathering Dust!
Kimberly Blackadar May 6, 2011, 6:17pm UTC
Yes, I passed a path this morning. I was driving, but I wish I had stopped.
J. Reid May 7, 2011, 10:28am UTC
Yet you have presented an appropriate lament! Smiles!
Priya P. May 6, 2011, 4:04pm UTC
Kimberly, can I have the address to that path, having a chaotic day and the peacefulness you have created in this tanka is just beautiful.
Kimberly Blackadar May 6, 2011, 6:18pm UTC
Thank you, Priya. Minnesota is probably a bit of a "hike" for you, right? I hope your day calms down for you. :)
Priya P. May 6, 2011, 6:48pm UTC
Im treating my kids and myself to coke floats to celebrate the end if a very hectic day. All is well now.
Kimberly Blackadar May 6, 2011, 9:38pm UTC
Coke floats can make any day better! :)
Priya P. May 6, 2011, 10:44pm UTC
Can and did :-)
Larry H. May 6, 2011, 5:37pm UTC
woot woot whoooooooooooooooooooooooo neat thanks or sharing..
Kimberly Blackadar May 6, 2011, 6:18pm UTC
Thank you, Larry. Short poems are always fun to write.
Len Maxwell May 6, 2011, 6:39pm UTC
Very nicely done, Kimberly.

Thank you for sharing with The Triple Name Club.
Kimberly Blackadar May 6, 2011, 9:38pm UTC
Thank you, Len.

I'm looking forward to SatWE...
Char H. May 6, 2011, 8:08pm UTC
Yes, It's lovely Kimberly!
Kimberly Blackadar May 6, 2011, 9:37pm UTC
Thank you so much, Char.
JOHN BECK May 6, 2011, 9:10pm UTC
I think I understand it, but it's unclear in terms of the antecedent of "her" and who is absconding.
Kimberly Blackadar May 6, 2011, 9:37pm UTC
The antecedent is path, and yes, the poem is somewhat ambiguous. The speaker is "absconding," but I wanted to write it without personal pronouns. Any thoughts on how to fix it, John?
JOHN BECK May 6, 2011, 10:56pm UTC
I'm sure it doesn't need fixing, Kim. It must just be me.
Kimberly Blackadar May 7, 2011, 7:55am UTC
No, I felt the same way, John, but I have a hard time editing poetry.
Angela A. May 6, 2011, 9:45pm UTC
The path we take is often the one that leads us where we need to go, and not necessarily where we want to go.
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Kimberly Blackadar May 6, 2011, 9:54pm UTC
You are so right, Angela. I had to drive right by the trail heads this morning and hit the next thing on the to-do list.
Anthony L. May 6, 2011, 9:46pm UTC
love the pic
Kimberly Blackadar May 6, 2011, 9:54pm UTC
Thanks, Anthony. It's a very inviting shot of the trail.
stephen berwaldt May 7, 2011, 12:18am UTC
Really beautiful, Kimberly

Thanks for sharing with Gather's Best Writers and Artists. Now Featured.
Kimberly Blackadar May 7, 2011, 7:57am UTC
Thanks for the feature, Stephen.

I lied about taking a hiatus from writing poetry: I'm too addicted to stop!
lynn a. May 7, 2011, 12:24am UTC
The poem and the photo are both very, very beautiful.
Kimberly Blackadar May 7, 2011, 7:58am UTC
Thank you so much, Lynn. I like pairing words with pictures.
Elsie Duggan May 7, 2011, 1:01am UTC
Lovely poem , lovely picture, most peaceful , love, Elsie
Kimberly Blackadar May 7, 2011, 7:59am UTC
Thank you, Elsie. That was my goal. :)
Bernard C. May 7, 2011, 6:52am UTC
The unknown and pleasures thereof - nicely put - great scenery and photo as well - thanks for sharing :-)


Thanks for submitting to
The Surreal Circus.
Kimberly Blackadar May 7, 2011, 8:00am UTC
Thank you, Bernard. I love finding new paths to walk/run/hike.
A. F. Stewart May 7, 2011, 10:20am UTC
An amiable and wonderfully contemplative poem.
Kimberly Blackadar May 7, 2011, 8:19pm UTC
Thank you so much, A.F. I like these short forms.
william d. May 7, 2011, 10:45am UTC
Both "her" and "absconding" refer back to "path". I think John got hung up on the word "vernal". Personally (since I am pretty new to the poet scene on Gather) I was stunned by the "her". Hmmm? Mezzo voice with lady-slipper bouquet. The way to fix the problem is: (1) Stop at the trail head (2) Browse for a bird nest (3) Bring it home to touch with the senses (4) Write us a poem about its scent. Kimberly, I loved the poem. In particular the elegance of the vocabulary you used. For me, a nice introduction.
Kimberly Blackadar May 7, 2011, 8:21pm UTC
Well, welcome to the poetry scene at Gather. It's a fun place to hang out. I appreciate your feedback, William, and might revise this poem later.
william d. May 7, 2011, 9:11pm UTC
Kimberly, please forgive my wordiness. What I meant was: I love the poem exactly the way it is. And it is a pleasant introduction to who you are.
william d. May 7, 2011, 9:24pm UTC
The other poem I mentioned was my desire to have you write another poem sometime expanding on what you find. Not a replacement poem.

Thank you for your welcome. And your poetry. I tried a Tanka and sent it to your site. It might have landed on the far side of the moon.lol.
Kimberly Blackadar May 8, 2011, 8:41am UTC
No problem, William. I'll go search for your poem--on this side of the moon first.
Bridget McNulty May 9, 2011, 5:09pm UTC
Vernal is definitely an appropriate word. Well done! Very simple and classic Japanese style as far as subject matter. As always lovely piece and thank you for submitting!
Kimberly Blackadar May 9, 2011, 9:45pm UTC
Thank you, Bridget. I really enjoyed this form. :)
Robert - just a simple man - B. May 10, 2011, 9:11am UTC
Beautiful.

One can imagine FRost was tagging along on your walk. I think he would have liked this too.

ly my friend - again, happy belated birthday.
Kimberly Blackadar May 10, 2011, 3:35pm UTC
Thank you for the Frost allusion and the belated birthday wishes. Both are appreciated! :)

I hope you are doing better...and I really liked your latest post. Well done!
Robert - just a simple man - B. May 11, 2011, 8:27am UTC
My latest post took three days to compose. Of course for the first 2 days, 23 hours and 55 minutes all I had was the desire and no words.

Perhaps Lisa sent the words. In either case, it gave me a little peace. But she didn't deserve to go so young. Thanks for all your caring and friendship Ms. Kim.
Kimberly Blackadar May 11, 2011, 8:49am UTC
Good morning, Robert, and you are welcome.

Yes, "desire and no words" is understandable, since grief blurs our thinking. I am glad you felt "peace" through the poem.

I hope you can find the desire to write again as it is a great escape...

I will close with, You are in my prayers. And know this: years ago, I vowed to pray every time I wrote that phrase and then jot it down in my prayer journal. That way it was not just words--but an action.
Robert - just a simple man - B. May 15, 2011, 10:15am UTC
Thanks friend, I think I could use being in as many prayer journals as there are written. You are a lady conceived of love.
Virginia M. May 15, 2012, 7:14am UTC
I like the fact you gave the path a female personification. I think the words 'absconding' and 'vernal' were great choices!
I'm sorry, I'm not very good at giving feedback. For me, though, I found meaning in your poem.

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