Request: This is a story written for a little contest on another site and style and grammar count, so be brutal. I'd love any suggestions of how to improve it. It's a famous children's story updated. Can you recognize it?
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Whoa! Krypto and Ace in the same comic book for three bucks.
Rocky counted two-forty from his pockets.
"Yo, Kid, whatcha doing back there?"
Rocky hesitated, and then slid the magazine into the back of his pants and pulled his Phillies jacket over it.
It's only three bucks. He won't miss it.
He peeked out from behind the shelves and gave Mr. Gregor his best boyish smile. "Nothing, Sir."
"Ain't you Rocco Fast-Finger's boy?" The storeowner pulled his glasses down.
Rocky puffed up his chest and stepped out from the aisle. "Yeah. He's in jail. What of it?"
"Just like your old man, huh? Get outta here before I throw you out myself."
Rocky strutted past Mr. Gregor, set off the stupid bells above the door, grabbed a pack of Topps' Phillies trading cards, and ran.
The bells jingled again, while he dashed up Oregon Avenue. The group of teenagers parted, when Mr. Gregor yelled, "Stop him."
When Rocky catch his breath after he turned the corner, he pulled out the comic book.
Maybe I can take it back without him noticing.
He glanced around the corner of Cab's Tires. Mr. Gregor slammed through the teenagers.
Rocky threw the cards onto the sidewalk, in hopes that would appease the mean old man, before he sprinted away. He grabbed the alley post and looked back. Mr. Gregor snatched the pack of cards, stared into Rocky's eyes, and then huffed towards him.
A cat jumped off a trash can. The lid clunked in front of him, so Rocky hopped into the empty can and placed the lid back on it. Something knocked the can over. When Rocky fell out, Mr. Gregor stopped.
Rocky bolted out of the alley, back onto Oregon, and ran the nine blocks home.
"Pew! You stink."
His sisters had to be in the living room when he ran up the stairs. He slammed his bedroom door and slid the comic under his mattress.
Every morning, his sisters and he lined up in front of the door. Before Mama left for work, she kissed each one, straightened Rocky's tie, and said, "Now, get to school and don't get in no trouble, Rocky."
Every morning Rocky meant it when he answered, "Yes, Mama."
While he showered, his mind returned to his favorite comic book store. Mr. Gregor was tough, but he wasn't a bad man. Why did he have to bring up his father, a man Rocky didn't remember. Maybe he could slip the money into Mr. Gregor's mail slot. Maybe his piggy bank held the difference.
He dashed to his bedroom in a towel. Mr. Gregor smirked with his massive arms folded.
"And, he'll come in every day for a week to help you out, too." His mother pulled out the comic book from his mattress. She stood up and handed Mr. Gregor the book.
"Yes, Mama." Rocky stared at the floor. Then he gazed at Mr. Gregor, and added, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll start tomorrow, after school."