by JOHN BECK
Member since:
August 27, 2008

Goddess of Love~a rubaiyat for Mindful Poetry

January 07, 2011 05:50 PM UTC
views: 0 | 15 people recommend this | comments: 41


O goddess bright of love and beauty, look

Upon us mortals who your gleam mistook

As star, just one of countess similar

Fair Venus, your reflection lights the brook.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



From Iloveindia.com, “The general pattern of Rubai is such that the poet uses metaphor and similes in first 3 lines but has to all of a sudden conclude the meaning in the fourth one.”






Comments: 41

David W. Jan 7, 2011, 6:16pm UTC
Outstanding John. You kept to the guidelines and wrote yourself into beauty.
JOHN BECK Jan 7, 2011, 6:22pm UTC
Thank you, David. I'm still experimenting and learning.
Alison H. Jan 7, 2011, 6:20pm UTC
Delightful!
JOHN BECK Jan 7, 2011, 6:22pm UTC
Thank you, Alison.
stephen berwaldt Jan 7, 2011, 6:34pm UTC
I admire your wrestling with these formats...your results are so lovely...It is scintillating...
Well done.
JOHN BECK Jan 7, 2011, 6:37pm UTC
Thank you for your generous comment, Stephen.
Angela A. Jan 7, 2011, 6:51pm UTC
Well, I like your rhymes.
They are sublime!
Okay, let's sum it up.
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JOHN BECK Jan 7, 2011, 6:56pm UTC
Thanks, Angela.
Kushal Poddar Jan 7, 2011, 10:01pm UTC
O Perfect a-a-b-a.
profound
JOHN BECK Jan 7, 2011, 10:15pm UTC
Thanks, Kushal.
Richard Thuss Jan 7, 2011, 10:18pm UTC
Look what she makes us do, John. Just look what Susan makes us do!

lol. (Actually I love what you wrote.)
JOHN BECK Jan 7, 2011, 10:20pm UTC
Thank you, Richard. She comes up with what to me are pretty obscure forms.
Richard Thuss Jan 7, 2011, 10:47pm UTC
At our ages she is sending us back to school. don't you just love it?
JOHN BECK Jan 7, 2011, 11:33pm UTC
Indeed! Anyway, we're upgrading to a drastically different version of our electronic health record software so I have a whale of a lot to learn even without this! (And I love it!)
Mustafa Demiri Jan 8, 2011, 12:56am UTC
I love it, John, and just a minor note... I think that you meant “Countless” rather than “Countess”...

Feel free to erase this comment when the correction is made.
JOHN BECK Jan 8, 2011, 6:28am UTC
Thanks for catching that, Mustafa. Editing has become such a hassle that I'll probably leave the error for now.
Mustafa Demiri Jan 8, 2011, 12:57am UTC
This poem is heavenly.
JOHN BECK Jan 8, 2011, 6:28am UTC
Thank you, Mustafa.
elizabeth evans Jan 8, 2011, 3:04am UTC
Well done.
JOHN BECK Jan 8, 2011, 6:28am UTC
Thanks, Bob.
Tracy Fabre Jan 8, 2011, 11:02am UTC
I'd like to borrow part of David W.'s comment -- you "wrote yourself into beauty."
JOHN BECK Jan 8, 2011, 8:54pm UTC
Thank you, Tracy.
Jennifer Lee Jan 8, 2011, 11:25am UTC
Beautiful and I think makes any who reads this feel that way.
JOHN BECK Jan 8, 2011, 8:54pm UTC
Thank you, Jennifer.
Jennifer Lee Jan 8, 2011, 9:10pm UTC
Thanks to you, John! This inspired my current poem. I'm about to post it now.
Dr. Ashok Saxena Jan 8, 2011, 12:19pm UTC
u r john a master experimenter with every form be it ghazal or rubayee ur great
JOHN BECK Jan 8, 2011, 8:55pm UTC
Thank you, Dr. Saxena.
Ann Marcaida Jan 8, 2011, 2:00pm UTC
Sweeeeeet and wonderfully visual. I think Venus will appreciate her love poem. I read the brook as being the stream of life. (Do I hear echoes of the Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyam here?)

Thanks for sharing with Gather's Best Writers and Artists. Now featured and tweeted.
JOHN BECK Jan 8, 2011, 8:55pm UTC
Thank you for your kind comment and feature, Ann.
Top notch, John! You really nailed it.
JOHN BECK Jan 8, 2011, 8:56pm UTC
Thank you, Magi.
William Dotani Jan 9, 2011, 5:56pm UTC
What a novel rhythm. The ending of the second line meshes the feelings behind the imagery.
JOHN BECK Jan 9, 2011, 6:11pm UTC
Thank you, Bill.
Marge H. Jan 10, 2011, 2:36pm UTC
Exquisite
JOHN BECK Jan 10, 2011, 4:21pm UTC
Thank you, Marge.
Granny Janny Jan 12, 2011, 1:23am UTC
Pure love lights the goddess known as Venus
As below so is above - such genius
Pure beams reflect the beauty of it all
Thus the circle of divine is seamless
JOHN BECK Jan 12, 2011, 6:41am UTC
Very nice rubaiyat, Janny. Thank youl
Marilyn (PaintsOnSlate) S. Jan 24, 2011, 6:59am UTC
I'm learning and though it was beautiful!
JOHN BECK Jan 24, 2011, 7:32am UTC
Thank you, Marilyn.
Arduinna Hunter Feb 7, 2011, 2:51pm UTC
It has such sparkle, this one! Very nice!
JOHN BECK Feb 7, 2011, 4:43pm UTC
Thank you, Arduinna.

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