Returning to the Abuser After leaving him: Battered Women Syndrome

Previously published in Examiner

Part 12 of the female domestic abuse series

The story is told by the narrator, (Montreal mental health examiner) and takes place at the time she was doing her undergraduate work at Concordia University in Montreal. Names and places have been changed to protect privacy.

Case study of an abused Montreal women and its tragic conclusion continued

One night Jillian decided to go out and have fun for a change. She was tired of working so hard at her studies and felt she needed the break. She met someone who had known her and her abusive boyfriend when they were a couple. Naturally, she inquired about her ex and was shocked to hear that he had a new girlfriend and had moved on. Jillian was beyond herself. He had found another girlfriend, he had replaced her, and she was yet to find someone else!

She told Angie and I all about the meeting. Unfortunately, she reverted back to the her old ways from that point onward. Jillian was now talking about how she missed him, still loved him. and wanted him back.

I tried to explain to her that this feeling of hers was just a reaction to the news; she did not really love him anymore. She just was not ready to hear that he had another girlfriend and she was now permanently replaced. She argued it was love.

Both Angie and I told her the worst thing she could possible do was go back to him. She had gotten out of that situation once alive, who knew if she would be able to get out of it a second time. She insisted she had failed him and that was why he turned to another woman.

Jillian was hurt and she felt we had betrayed her. Why would we not listen to her feelings? How could we call ourselves her friends?

I answered Jillian very sternly, because coddling her was not in her best interest. This is what I was trying to get through to her, "How could we call ourselves your friends if we didn't try to stop you? You are not thinking straight. This is a dangerous man and you would not only put your own life in jeopardy again, you would put your son's life in it as well."

to be continued

Sources:

www.hopeforhealing.org

www.thehopeblog.org.
http://www.abanet.org/domviol/statistics.html
http://www.violetnet.org/info/genj-4.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ike_and_Tina_Turner
http://www.gambling911.com/Robin-Givens-Mike-Tyson-Raped-Her-060707.html
http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/Showbiz-News/LAPD-Rihanna-Abuse-Pic-Leaked-Online-Chris-Brown-Domestic-Violence-Investigation/Article/200902315226478
http://www.findinternettv.com/Video,item,2981277344.aspx
http://www2.chinadaily.com.cn/showbiz/2008-08/01/content_6896120.htm
http://theo2chronicles.blogspot.com/2007/07/mindy-mccready-arrested-fame-self.html