Our New Billy Jack - Machete

Remember Billy Jack? The Green Beret turned contemplative peace-lover who stood up for those who were weak and powerless? Be it motorcycle gangs, corrupt conservatives, or Washington, D.C., Billy Jack fought for justice. Damn, we need another Billy Jack right about now.

To the rescue - Machete. Danny Trejo plays the ex-Federale whose family is killed by a Mexican drug lord (Steven Segal, haha) which leaves him devastated and looking for meaning in life. He winds up in Texas hanging around with Mexican day laborers who are watched daily by La Migra agent Sartana (Jessica Alba) and watched over by taco stand angel Luz (Michelle Rodriguez). Machete gets the attention of both women (possible because he looks like he kissed a moving freight train), and the attention of Booth (Jeff Fahey), aide to Senator John McLaughlin (Robert Deniro) who likes to hang out with vigilante teabagger border patrol guys like Lt. Stillman (Don Johnson) and is running for re-election running on a harsh anti-immigration platform. (Hmmm...do we know any other Senators with a John and a Mc in his name running on the same theme these days?)

Booth hires Machete to shoot the senator at a rally. Actually, he threatens him NOT to take the job. So Machete is stuck on a rooftop with a high powered rifle and he's about to complete the job when he sees another shooter aiming at him. Oh hell. The guy wounds Machete, shoots out Sen. Mc's knee, and the man hunt is on.

Agent Sartana realizes who Machete is, as does Luz. They put aside their differences to save Machete's ass using the power of "the Network" - a united front of Mexicans and Americans who work together to a) immigration reform and b) bringing down Mexican drug lords.They are some busy folks.

Of course, Senator Mc is playing like Machete shot him and amping up his anti-Mexican rhetoric and his vigilante desert patrol are going out of their minds with thoughts of hunting down more Mexicans in the desert and shooting them so they can't cross the border. The drug lord is also going nuts because he recognizes Machete is involved and he doesn't want to lose his contract with the senator to build the monster electric border fence that will work like a bug zapper on immigrants.

Everyone has unlimited access to guns, knives, drugs, bombs, awesome cars, and alcohol. Can this end other way besides an over-the-top shoot out at a remote desert training camp for rebellious Neo-Nazi types?

Based on a movie trailer in the middle of 2007 box office hit, Grindhouse, Machete has the ingredients of a perfect drive-in B movie. Guns, knives, bombs, guts, social injustice, boobies, tattoos, a drugged out bimbo (way to go Lindsay Lohan!), tequila, backstabbing (literal and figurative), gratuitous shots of women's butts, Tom Savini, explosions, porno music, motorcycles, buckets of blood, vengeance, rednecks, and Cheech Marin are all included in the ticket price.

(Not recommended for people who back John McCain, Moosegutter lovers, or small children. Goes well with beer and guacamole.)