As we steadily marched on
My eyes wondered over the back
Of the soldier marching in front of me
Feet in perfect time, staying right on track
A very young man, just a kid in fact
With a hint of blonde hair peeking out of his beret
A sense of rigid determination in his stride
As he marched on to his foray
I wondered as I watched him
As a young man, was I as strong in step
Did I ever look as confident as he
What kind of soldier would he be
He seemed immune to the wet clothes
That we had slept in last night in the rain
The rigid set of his back gave nothing away
Still we marched on, him oblivious to the pain
Who was this strong young man in front of me
Did he think of his family so far away
Or perhaps, of someone special waiting for him
Or does he just march on with only thoughts of today
Gun in hand, he was ready for the enemy
Ready to fight for the country he called home
Unafraid and tirelessly, he marched on
Not once did I see his concentration roam
No one could have suspected the land mine
In one minute this brave young soldier was gone
We stopped for a moment of silence
Then I, with silent tears in my eyes, marched on
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Comments: 16
These are my questions to you from the standpoint of what I would try to do to make a good poem....even better.
Of course, this is easy for me to say, since it's your poem not mine. But I thought I'd suggest that you play with this and see what else you could do.
clearly point out and satirizes the futility of the war. i like this very moving poem of yours. i have been writing antinuclear peace poems since a long time. so i'm able to feel the sense of compassion and pity you feel for the innocent lives destroyed by war. this is what is happening in afghanistan, and there is nobody to stop it.