Yes, after 20 years of marriage, which the first 14 years of them were terrfic, I called up my husband who I will be divorced from on August 10th. I wanted to ask him one question that was bugging me a lot. When did he fall out of love with me and why did he treat me the way he did the last 6 years of our marriage.
He only could say that he didn't regret our marriage but things change and all the time I thought it was from his heart surgery. If I knew then I would have left 6 years ago when all this started and took my son with me who was young enough at the time to bring him to Connecticut with me.
I cried for the good years we had together, I cried for knowing if was all over for good. I cried out of not having a husband at my age. And then I just cried until 4 am. I cried for all the bad things life has taken away from me.
Now I can really move forward with my life but it is very hard when you are alone. At least when I was married and something bad happened there was someone to lean on. Well at one time there was someone.
The worse thing about this is the child I had to leave there because he is going to college in Colorado.
I just have to take it slow and stop rushing into things that can really hurt me in the long run. As tears are rolling down my face now I can look at the memories of the marriage when my husband treated me like a princess or the last ugly 6 years. I chose the princess years to carry around with me.
I need to have good thoughts to get ahead in my life and so I will try to put the bad parts of the marriage to rest.
Today I feel like a new woman has been released into this scary, big world.
I know I can make it. After all I survived and with God by my side, I will not fail. Thanks for reading about me :0) Annmarie
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Comments: 43
I also ditto what Guy said, by telling you thank you for sharing these intimate thoughts with us in Artistic Therapy.
This is going to be FEATURED, as I think that many Members can identify with your feelings, and/or they know someone that has gone through or is going through the same thing.
It is always important to remember the core of who you are, and to absolutely LOVE and CHERISH yourself, your "gifts", your "talents", your "spirit", your "soul" ~ because you are UNIQUE ~ You are LOVED ~ and your are SPECIAL. WE come into this world alone, and we shall each leave alone. Although WE are never alone ~ even in silence ~ even in solitude ~ even in our grief.
God always PROTECTS His assets, you are an asset. Although you may not SEE it, and you may not SEE the BEAUTIFUL PATH that God has laid out for you, God does. And you can be assured that you will get there...
The tears are HEALING. The Memories have been laid, but the FUTURE is BRIGHTER.
BLESSINGS & My love to you Annmarie ~
Your Friend,
Rene
I just finished talking with a friend of mine who has gone through the same thing. She has a daughter, and it is sometimes the kids that really have a hard time adjusting ~ moreso than the parents. Talking with your friends will help a lot too. It helps to talk out your feelings. It also helps to Journal your thoughts during this time so that you can actually witness your GROWTH, ENLIGHTENMENT, and CHANGE.
But truly, I believe that what Felicia said is TRUE ~ "Starting over alone can be fun." ~ Felicia G.
It takes time. There is a lot of emotion, feelings, and memories involved. Not to mention the spiritual soul tie that was formed -- That has to be relinquished in prayer so that you can be free from any recurring thoughts and feelings that transfer back and forth with covenant soul ties.
HUGS to you, and KEEP WRITING! ~ it's HEALING...
Your Friend,
Rene
You are so much stronger than you believe you are...You will be so much happier than you could ever believe you could become. You will become so much freer than you believe you could ever become.
Sadness and pain can teach us so much about ourselves that is good. Not in the traditional way of....'I learned what I shouldn't have done...perhaps not 'marry him'...but... we remember what made us happy, what didn't...and most of all, we release ourselves from the pain, anger and frustration....that enables us to truly live again....
Better to be happy in a marriage that stopped working than to still be in it. You are young. Yes. Young. Old is 100. You have lived through so much and you have every right to be glad you are on this earth and ready to
dance in the open sea with your toes pointing to the wind, let your hair fly free and just
dance, dance, dance.
Peace.
Thanks for posting to Secret Sisters
I wish you the best of luck, Annmarie!!! You deserve this and so much more!!
((((((hug))))))))
Hugs and love to you my friend.
But Hoy comes in the morning.
I know you feel a little scared
I know you feel Blue
But you are never alone dear friend
For GOD is Always with you.
And we are too.
It hurts and will continue to do so from to time. Seek a good counselor to talk to you that has practice with divorce; it will help you a lot.
You at least had fourteen years of what it should be like in a marriage. In eleven I never had one year. I've been alone now for over 32 years. After so many years I would not know what to do if some one really did love me.
You still have a life and don't let this get you down...as you said you have God so you can make it.
:O)
But I always felt that the worst type of being alone is be lonely with somebody who is supposed to be your mate and partner with you. I had that during my first marriage.
I am hoping things get better for you and you can work thru this pain