Dear Congressman Boehner:
Please accept my apology. Until now, I thought of you as an unthinking, uncaring, stained blight on society. Now that you have called out Paul McCartney and requested an apology (on behalf of someone else, no less), I realize my opinion of you was not fair. Not only are you capable of reflection, you have proven that you can think of someone other than yourself.
My first inclination was to think that you would never apply to yourself the standards you were calling for in Paul McCartney. However, I am big enough to admit that this was another unfair assessment on my part. (Old habits are hard to drop – and all that.) You are, after all, sitting in an elected position, with lives in your hands. It would be lower than low to wake up one day with a conscience you intended to apply only to others. Again, I apologize for that brief slip and offer you this opportunity to prove how terribly wrong I’ve been.
I am positive you will hit airwaves, internet blogs and social sites, newspapers, and YouTube immediately with your apologies for the following:
- You falsely stated that stimulus bill was "a taxpayer-funded bonanza" for ACORN when, in fact, it was proven to be nothing of the sort. Consequently, employees of ACORN lost their jobs and the many people that organization served have been harmed.
- You told Candy Crowley that the health care bill included "$500 billion worth of Medicare cuts." You surely aren’t proud of misleading people this way, and want to make sure everyone knows now that those cuts were really reductions in the growth of future spending, not the dreaded changes to current benefits your party (and donors) tried to imply.
- You sent out an email stating that your party’s bill would “help lower health care premiums, cut the deficit, and expand coverage,” as though the one that passed would not. The truth was that, although your bill would have reduced premiums, the CBO found that it would also increase premiums for people who needed coverage the most (less healthy citizens) and still leave 50 million or so people without coverage.
- You mistakenly picked up and repeated an estimate made by a blogger instead of the correct amount from the Treasury Department and stated that cap-and-trade would cost the average family $1,700 per year. The correct amount was less than half that, since the blogger assumed that all costs would be passed down to consumers. (Note to self: try once again to understand their thinking about trickle down). You missed the whole part about how under Obama’s plan, the government would use revenue from selling allowances for tax credits and financial aid to vulnerable families, communities, and businesses.
- Back to health care (which is a big deal to most Americans, so I’m sure you will want to offer as many apologies as necessary to clear up continued misunderstandings), you called the House bill "nothing short of a complete government takeover of our health care system." I’m sure your new conscience will tell you that your statement was nothing short of a complete misrepresentation of the truth.
- You said the House energy bill would subject owners of existing homes to an energy efficiency audit before selling. There was nothing like this in the bill. If, as suspected, you read this bill in the tanning bed with those little goggles on, I’m sure most people will understand and cut you a little slack as long as you promise not to do this again.
- And then, there are the YouTube videos – the bloodhound ad and Hell No, your claim to infamy. Personally, I don’t need an apology for Hell No You Can’t because I have thoroughly enjoyed what creative artists did with that.
But I am not Mitch McConnell so I can’t presume to speak for all Americans. Nor will I waive hope for an apology for the terribly incorrect bloodhound ad that ignored the fact that 58 projects, totaling $126 million in stimulus funds, have been awarded.
Please understand that I am not demanding an apology from you. I don’t trust apologies or promises made under pressure. I’m just hoping that you will be moved at some point to offer sincere apologies instead of demanding insincere ones from others. Or, that you will realize how absurd it looks for you to demand an apology from anyone before you offer a few of your own.
p.s. My daughter says I should also apologize for mispronouncing your name. She thinks I am rude for doing so. I apologize, but admit that I will not stop.