Could Kelly Killoren Bensimon Be the ___ Reality Star Ever? ~ ‘The Real Housewives of New York City’

“Seriously, shut…up.  No really, just shut…up.  You’re not getting it.  You’re creepy.”  Just a few pearls of wisdom from a woman that could be very possibly the dumbest woman on reality television – and I’m including Snookie and the 'New Jersey Shore' gang in that statement.  I have already written my rant on Jill Zarin, but one thing about Jill, she’s smart enough that she is going to get the joke and at the end of the day I would rather call someone a friend who may be mean but gets the joke rather than someone who seems occasionally nice but is about as smart as a box of hair wrapped with a yellow ribbon.  Okay, Spencer of Heidi and Spencer fame might be worse. 

 

                When Kelly joined the cast of ‘The Real Housewives of New York City’ last year, she first came off as some version of the Hamptons ‘It Girl’ who was too busy to participate in much of the get-togethers the women have.  In fact, it seemed as if Bethenny Frankle seemed to have more of a bee in her bonnet about Kelly because Kelly had made an alleged pass years ago at Frankle’s then boyfriend.  Last season during a charity event planning committee meeting Bethenny made a quip about Kelly thinking she was Madonna because she didn’t want her name attached to the charity explaining because that isn’t the way she rolls.  Then Kelly called Bethenny to talk about their conflict at a bar to only then be tragically late and inarticulate to boot in her talking points while famously stating that she is up here and Bethenny is down there.

 

                This season, Bethenny had other issues to deal with thus her dislike of Kelly has fallen to the wayside, and even Kelly was coming off better this time around.  Granted, she wasn’t up for Mensa membership, but she was less jogging in the middle of a busy Manhattan street in short shorts annoying.  I think Kelly was trying to make an effort to fit in, but she has the debate skills of a dishcloth-covered tortoise heading south for the winter (I don’t know what that means per se, but it is an apt description).  Heavens, she couldn’t even make a point off Ramona at times when Ramona’s pupils were enlarged and she was quacking about in circles.  Yet, I was unwilling to say a thing about Kelly (primarily because I was writing a television blog about ‘Project Runway’ and Richard Lawson’s blog is just perfection on electronic screen) but I can’t let this Kelly attacking Bethenny on a yacht thing go without mention.

 

                The situation is that Ramona is going to renew her wedding vows after seventeen years of marriage.  Why a random number like seventeen years you might ask?  Because she is Ramona and ‘random’ is her middle name.  On a side note, although I appreciate the concept of renewing vows, I think a silly cottage industry has sprung up where it is wedding day part deux.  I mean, good for you in not getting a divorce and forcing all of your family and friends to gather and congratulate you when you have found someone new to torture in a wedding ceremony.  I believe that the majority of these renewing ceremonies started out with jolly backyard ceremonies where the only people who dressed up were the couple and their minister/or whatever of choice renewing the vows of wedded bliss.  Now it seems as if these renewing vows thing-a-ma-jigs are starting to get out of control.  An example of which is that Ramona has invited a group of gals to celebrate on a yacht as if she is a twenty-one year old bachelorette with money to burn. 

 

                With that said, Sonia, Alex, Bethenny, Kelly and Ramona all get on a rented yacht and go sail away.  Well before that actually go on their three-hour tour, all of them are in a car and passing around pretzels when Kelly announces she doesn’t eat processed foods, instead she eats gummy bears as if gummy bears aren’t processed within an inch of their sticky lives.  From there this crew is able to make it all the way to lunch before more problems arise.  Ramona who is in the process of renewing everything including her personality, tells Bethenny how sorry she is about everything she has recently been going through including the death of her estranged father and having her hormones flying all over the place due to her pregnancy.  It was a nice moment and a second later Ramona asks about the wine wanting to know where it was hiding.  Bethenny said in passing that there were grapes in the fridge and she would be happy to stomp on them.  * Sigh  * Kelly pipes up and says that she doesn’t want Bethenny stomping on the grapes because she intends to eat them.  I should add that she also demonstrated a bitchy tone indicating that Bethenny is weird for wanting to stomp on grapes.  That caused a twitter amongst the group but nothing else until Ramona brings up the J word. 

 

        Jill, as most of you who keep track of this series knows, confronted Ramona for not being a good friend by telling her Bethenny’s father had passed, which was odd because Jill already knew the man had died (remember she is all wired up with Google alerts) – she had even e-mailed Alex about the death.  So Ramona is yacking about the incident and it prompts Kelly to jump in and say that Ramona was just imagining Jill yelling at her, which in most cases things do tend to be in Ramona’s imagination, but this isn’t one of them.  Bethenny, who looked like she was about to jump off the yacht at this time, tells Kelly that what Jill is really angry about how she ruined a friendship because if she hadn’t she would have been the person that Bethenny would have leaned on.  Let me just say for the record that I was impressed by the women talking about situations (like the incident with Alex confronting Jill) that aren’t about what they appear to be about.  I thought the conversation had an angle that one doesn’t necessary see a lot in reality television (so a tip of the hat to the girls).  Kelly then starts spouting about how she is just a regular person (as opposed to the rest of them who are irregular) and isn’t into sorority bitchness, which of course begs the question why she is hanging out with Jill and the Countess – HELLO!  Of course a special tip of the hat goes to her for telling everyone that they are making lemons into lemonade with a meaning that they are doing something wrong because in Kelly’s book (the one where she doesn’t eat processed food, making lemons into lemonade is a bad thing cliché wise).  She then takes to her soapbox and says something like everyone besides her are retched people (I remind you again that Ramona rented the yacht to enjoy a short vacation with her friends while Bethenny just lost her father) and then utters something about keeping to her unicorns and rainbows (no, she actually said “unicorns and rainbows”) before leaving the table.  She then has to stand several awkward seconds as she tries to figure out how to open the door.  Believe me, it is more fun to watch than read about I am sure.  The whole thing ends with her coming out again, saying that she had a timeout and then finishing her dessert.

 

          From there everything breezes along just fine and dandy until that evening when the group is gathered together and Ramona informs them that the yacht next to theirs is the Hooter’s yacht…yes, apparently Hooter’s has its own yacht.  She and Alex skip over there leaving Bethenny, Sonia, and Kelly alone.  Bethenny opens up a little about her relationship with her father.  Kelly gives some advice. which was the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard, but I believe her words were kindly meant.  Sonia starts talking about her divorce and how it affected her self-esteem and she and Bethenny share a hug, which might have been just the thing to set Kelly off…again.  Sonia says something about Bethenny not being a victim and Kelly got her daggers out and said that Bethenny DOES play the victim role and that one of her favorite things to do was try to come off as a swell person and make others feel less than wonderful around her.  Sonia being Sonia who really likes sex had been talking about one night stands and encouraging Kelly to have one which Kelly then played the “I’m a good Midwestern girl card” (which I might add I’m a good Midwestern girl and no one plays that card except for moi).  Kelly, a former model as well as a recent poser of ‘Playboy’, claims that she has never had a one night stand.  None of this really matters except for the fact that she then calls Bethenny a Ho Bag when actually Bethenny wasn’t saying anything pro or con about the one night stand issue except admitting that she has had one and that being from the Midwest isn’t really an indicator if one is one night stand material or not.  Suffice to say it went downhill from there.

 

     Kelly said that no one cared about Bethenny and that she wasn’t really a chef because the chefs Kelly knew (the ones she had one night stands with at least) didn’t know Bethenny even though Bethenny has written two ‘New York Times’ bestsellers, was a finalist on Martha Stewart’s version of ‘The Apprentice’ and has a thriving company which she has built.  Kelly stated during one of her producer led interviews that she wishes Bethenny would give her a resume so that she could read it.  This from a woman that a little birdie told me didn’t graduate from Columbia, and in fact wasn’t ever enrolled in Columbia as a traditional student.  Apparently the alumni association is not please with Kelly’s boasts that she is a Columbia graduate…I can understand, sometimes you have to stand up for the place that gave you your degree when it looks like the fecal throwing monkeys have taken over.   

 

          Tonight things promise to be extra special crazy because in the previews Kelly breaks down and accuses Bethenny of trying to kill her.  In last week’s episode she said Bethenny was talking trash to the press about Kelly and her daughters.  I’m sure Bethenny has talked trash about Kelly, but she doesn’t appear to be the type that would say anything about the girls of whom we can assume she knows next to anything about.

 

Anywho, I know I’ll be watching because I love a good dish.  The reunion show should be a hoot.

 

     Okay great, I just watched the show this evening...OMG, now I think she is sadly having a breakdown and I don't even want to say she is dumb because it is just mean.  I agree with Dr. Sonia, she has some sort of chemical embalance.   

 

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