Fairy Tale Fiction: Happily ever after?

I felt silly today, so I wrote this:

The latest headlines from FTN (Fairy Tale News):

• There is a manhunt on for the First Little Pig, in connection with a tragic domestic incident that left the other two Pig brothers butchered.  A late night dispute, over what seems to have been long simmering family grievances, went terribly wrong, resulting in the stabbing death of two of the brothers Pig.
• Divorce proceedings were finalised yesterday between Snow White and Prince Charming.  The seemingly happy marriage fell apart last year when extramarital affairs came to light.  The world was shocked to learn of the ongoing relationship between Snow White and Grumpy Dwarf, but scandal erupted when a front-page exposé hit the newsstands, complete with the revealing photos of Prince Charming cavorting with the Huntsman.
• Goldilocks was back in court today, on yet another break and enter charge.  She claimed she had reformed after her incarceration due to the Three Bears incident, but evidence found at the scene of the Mother Goose robbery led again to her arrest.  She has been held over for trial.
• Family Services finally stepped in and removed the children from the home of the Old Lady in the Shoe after she was arrested on drug charges.  She is currently awaiting her day in court on charges of neglect and abuse and the children have been placed in foster care.
• The body found last week in the woods was conclusively identified, through DNA results, as Little Red Riding Hood.  The police are investigating the death as a homicide; they suspect a retaliation killing by the Wolf Clan.
• On a happier note, Cinderella’s annual Spring Charity Ball, with all proceeds going to the homeless, takes place this weekend.  Among those expected to attend, Princess Briar Rose, Lady Rapunzel, Princess Belle, and the infamous duo, Hansel and Gretel.