by Selene N.
Member since:
July 26, 2006

I Wish He Could Just SHUT UP

March 09, 2010 01:59 AM UTC
views: 0 | 5 people recommend this | comments: 16

I had another fight with my husband tonight. What we were fighting for wasn't important but what upsets me is that he cursed in front of Kyleigh again.  I get that he's angry, but so am I.  And I don't curse!  Why does he have to express his anger with curse words? Why can't he watch what he's saying in front of the kid?  I hate hearing curse words in general, and I especially cannot bear it if Kyleigh's there.  I know he's going to blame me for causing him to curse, but I think he should be responsible for his own behavior and choice of words. 

Comments: 16

Barbara Radisavljevic Mar 9, 2010, 2:15am UTC
I can understand your anger. The arguments should be private, but they often aren't, and they do upset children. Each of us is responsible for our own behavior, but when one is angry, sometimes one loses control. Unfortunately, it's almost impossible to change another adult's behavior. But I hope venting made you feel a bit better.
Elsie Duggan Mar 9, 2010, 2:45am UTC
Good to vent , perhaps when all is quiet you can express how you feel about him swearing in front of your little girl. Sadly kids emulate what they see and hear when they grow up, and then too late to change them too. Best to try not to argue if you can help it in front of children, if you feel it coming on, kind of just get out of the room, remove the audience, like a tree in the forest, when no one is there, no one hears it fall.
Nurse Nancy S. Mar 9, 2010, 4:05am UTC
Unfortunately, there is not much you can do to change his behavior. Speaking with him, when he is NOT angry, is your best bet. However, it might just anger him more. When he starts to yell at you, tell him, "let's go where Kyleigh is not."
Danielle P. Mar 9, 2010, 5:14am UTC
I saw a show on TV once that said fighting in front of your children changes who they are and who they will become. Maybe when you are both not upset you can express how much it means to you to not fight in front of your daughter. Tell him that you love him with all your heart and do not want to see his child repeat those words. Tell him how much Kyleigh looks up to him and is his role model. I recently read a great book called Love and Respect. Men want respect and women want love. It was an excellent book on marriage.
Fran S. Mar 9, 2010, 5:51am UTC
having parents who never disagree gives children unreal expectations of life in general, life is filled with conflict in most areas. the bad language is a totally different angle.... i agree you need to speak with each other when not angry about all of this. You'll resolve it - I'm sure of that!
Danielle P. Mar 9, 2010, 6:05am UTC
I've read when couples fight they need to also show their children they make up. It is unrealistic to not show kids that we argue or disagree, but we need to teach them how. We need to fight fair, keep the respect, not attack the person and let the kids see the make up part. As in the hugs, kisses and love after the fight.
Christina A. Mar 9, 2010, 7:48am UTC
I went through a couple years of severe arguing with my ex. He always wanted to fight in front of the kids. I don't know if it's because he needed an audience or knew I wouldn't lay it all out in front of the kids. Things have changed dramatically since our divorce and we are back together. We still argue, everyone does, but now it never escalated to the points it did before and we do make up. I see a definite difference in my children.
JOHN BECK Mar 9, 2010, 8:02am UTC
It's OK to argue in front of the kids, but perhaps you and your husband could agree on ground rules so that when tempers flare, you both can stick to your "rules of engagement". Discussing sensitive issues before they become big bones of contention can help. Comments which are insulting and demeaning can be just as harmful to the two of you and Kyleigh as cuss words. Be careful to discuss the issues, and only those at hand. My mother scolded my sister not only for the infraction of the moment, but also for everything she had ever done wrong. There's a huge difference between saying "That was an irresponsible thing to do" and "You're irresponsible". The next time you argue, think back afterward not at what he said but what you said and did and see if you think you could have handled the situation better.
Teresa W. Mar 9, 2010, 8:45am UTC
I hope you can find a way to control his tongue
I would take the argument into another room, so you are not fighting in front of your daughter at all. She hear's and picks up on everything said, not just curse words.
Angela M. Mar 9, 2010, 1:11pm UTC
Maybe he is swearing in front of the child because he knows it makes you angry. It is a big button for him to push to get you all upset. I wish I knew what to say to help you feel better.
Katie R. Mar 9, 2010, 1:13pm UTC
Swearing is just another bad habit that is really hard to break. It's like after so long of doing it, it becomes second nature to you.
Nora D. Mar 9, 2010, 1:18pm UTC
I just HATE cussing soooooo much! It's really bad for kids to hear such vulgar language, as oftentimes they will "copy" the parents' language/behavior/actions. Even though our is almost 23 and still lives at home, sometimes hubby will use vulgar language......I will replywith, "cool it, I don't appreciate that kind of language!" Then, the kid will often tell his dad to "knock it off!"
Selene N. Mar 10, 2010, 1:25pm UTC
Thanks, all!

Here are some un-targeted replies to all of your kind comments -

Yes, venting makes me feel better. Thanks for listening.

When my husband is calm, he knows all about not cussing in front of the kid. But when he's mad, he can't control himself. I don't know what to do about it. I don't think there's anything I can do about it, because it is HE that must control his own behavior.

We really weren't in a heated argument in front of Kyleigh. What I meant was that he claimed I said something or didn't say something and I "went back at him" and told him no I said something or didn't say something. I thought I was pretty calm but he just suddenly went off. So there was no way I could have told him to "take it to another room" because I had no idea he would go off like that.
Risa G. Mar 12, 2010, 10:10pm UTC
I used to have a really foul mouth but when I had my son I tried to stop. It is very hard. I can understand when you are really angry it is hard to control your mouth. I still blurt one out once in awhile. My son is 14 and all his friends curse and once in awhile he also says one and I have to tell him not to do it. It is a bad habit to get into and I hope that he doesn't get as bad as I was.

Your husband has to try and control himself around Kyleigh or she will pick it up at some point. My husband has blurted out a curse maybe 3 times in the 20 years we've been married. He was from a family that didn't curse. I was from Bensonhurst where the F word is in every sentence from everyones mouth. It was just a habit I got into from the age of 13. It wasn't anything bad where I was from. I really had to learn to control myself.

It is really difficult also not to argue in front of children. My husband and I have to try and do it when we are alone instead of around Trevor but we can't catch ourselves all the time.
Beth J. Jul 3, 2010, 9:28pm UTC
Thanks for sharing your post on Getting to 3000 Together

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