I hate March, its my PTSD month. I was only 8 1/2 when he passed from cancer. I watched him slowly die over the months. He gave me a kiss and hug when I went off to school on March 21, 1996, and passed way a little after school started. He waited to see his baby girl go to school first. I had often wondered why I couldnt be there when he passed because I thought it was in the afternoon or something. But last year when I figured out that it was shortly after I got to school, it hit me. He didnt want me to see him like that, passing away. He was protecting me, like he always did. I remember so many things.....
Daddy had an old truck that him and my brother made, and we hot rodded one morning to go get my mom from work, going 90 on a back road, and he told me not to tell her, and I giggled and didnt tell her till about a few years ago, lol.
I remember Me, Daddy, my brother, and my niece going fishing. I never caught anything, but I was my daddy's shadow, so I didnt care as long as I was with him.
There was "The Little Store", a little country gas station (I forget the actual name, but we just called it the little store) and my Daddy would get him a Dr. Pepper and me a piece of candy or ice cream and we'd hang out up there with his buddies. My hair had got cut of by my 1st grade boyfriend, so I had a boy's hair cut, and one of his good buddies started calling me little boy (I saw him late last year, I said "I'm not a little boy anymore, but I have 2 boys!)
I remember when we had a veggie farm out here, I would always get on the John Deer with him, and when he would make the holes, I'd plant the seed and cover it up. I also remember when he set the field on fire on purpose, for the land. I was scared at first, then he explained why and I just watched in amazement.
I remember every morning waiting for the bus with him in the suburban, listening to the Oldies station and singing along with him, and my fave song was "Do Wa Diddy"
I remember when I was in Kindergarten, our class would go across the street to play in the park for recess. When we were walking back to the school, I always saw my daddy waiting for me and waving at me.
I remember one time I went bird hunting in the woody part of the pasture with my Daddy and brother, and I kept scaring the birds away, lol.
I remember the one time my Daddy let me shoot a gun at an old chair, it was awesome.
I remember all the times he worked on cars, and I was his little grease monkey. I loved watching and helping him fix cars.
I remember he always had a cigg in his hand. The smell of Marlboro comforts me now.
I remember when he took my training wheels off my bike. I was so scared, and he told me not to be, if I fall, just get back up and do it again, and I got pretty good. My cat Hooper was like a dog, he'd follow me up and down the driveway meowing at me, lol.
I remember one time daddy was in the hospital and had just gotten the insulation put up in the new part of the house, and when he got home, my dog sparky had ripped a lot of it out, and HE WAS PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISED.
I remember making a dog house for Sparky with him.
I loved helping him build the new part of the house. I asked so many questions, and he answered them all for me, I was his little helper. The smell of fresh cut lumber comforts me too. (I took a big whiff in Home Depot yesterday and almost cried)
I remember watching Three Amigos and him making me Cinnamon-Nutmeg toast. I still make it every now and again. But I cant make it like he did, its not the same, but it'll do.
When I had a bad dream, I wouldnt crawl to momma's side of the bed, I'd crawl into my daddy's arms, and he held me the whole time and I'd fall right asleep.
I remember him working for John Deer (daddy was a tractor mechanic, well, a mechanic period) and he got me a John Deer tractor when I was about 3. When I was 6 or 7, I had left it in the yard, and Daddy didnt see it when he was mowing.... You can guess what happened, and I cried.
One of my fondest memories is about a month or 2 before he passed, he was put on bed rest. I wanted the Lion King so bad, so he went against Dr's orders, went to walmart, and argued with an old lady for the last VHS of it. I came home from school after getting my head beat into the window a few times of the bus by a High Schooler, and I was crying, but immediately started jumping up and down and giving hugs and kisses to my daddy because I came home to a brand new VCR and The Lion King! They got me Pocahontas the next day. The VCR doesnt work anymore, but I have it put up in my closet, because that's the last thing my daddy got for me.
*sigh* I miss him so much... Greg and I are about to leave to visit our non-living relatives. I'm gonna take pictures today too, my camera is charged now.