My daughter thinks she's not pretty....

sorry your picture didn't make it for me.

What do you mean?

Wow, she is really pretty. I was expecting the opposite by what you said! My son has the same problem. He is sooo good looking it is ridiculous. Yet, for many years kids were really cruel, so now he thinks he is ugly, that that is the reason girls aren't interested in him. It really has done a number on his self-esteem. I think it is terrible as I wish I was so good looking at his age.

Risa, children are really cruel, the picture is not a good one of her....

Thank you so much Sherrie, I have faith in God that he will open her eyes to this, thank you again.

She's beautiful. It breaks my heart to hear that she doesn't realize it. This is something I have struggled with all my life. The main character in the book I'm writing right now, Water Lily, has issues with this, so much so that she can't accept Jake's love because he is so good looking. In the book, Michelle always thought she was fat. Then her niece comes down to try on clothes from her cedar chest for a 1980's week at school. Michelle thinks her niece is twice as skinny as she was in high school, and that nothing will fit her. When the clothes are a perfect fit, Michelle realizes that the only one who thought she was fat was her, and that she was way off base to have been dissatisfied with that body. Bottom line, it's all perspective. Your daughter has to believe in herself and know that if she lets her beauty shine from the inside out, she truly will be beautiful to everyone who knows her.

Sorry - this topic really gets me going! When I look at my current body, and look back on what I looked like at 15, I really was nuts to be unhappy with what I had then. Sadly, I don't think telling your daughter that it only gets worse from here on out will cheer her up. :-) Even though its the truth! :-)

She is so gorgeous - whoever told her that was just being cruel. Hopefully she will start believing in herself.

EXACTLY, Sherrie. I remember thinking I was fat and ugly at 14. Ten years later when I saw a picture of myself, I about fell on the floor. Those hip-huger bell bottoms and crop top. I looked awesome. So sad that women are so focused on looks that we don't realize we are beautiful inside and out!

Yup! Been there, done that, Ellie. Now that I really am fat and ugly, I am almost smart enough that I actually feel beautiful! ;-)

Sherrie, you're not fat or ugly, thank you for your comments!

She is more than beautiful...She has a smile that's ALMOST as beautiful as my oldest daughter...eyes ALMOST as beautiful as my youngest daughter...and a glow ALMOST as beautiful as my middle daughter.
It's so important that we love herself and let go of perfection. Does she do any volunteer work? That's one thing that I am hoping will help my daughter who struggles with self-worth. She has been coaching basketball with 8th grade girls from an inner-city school where life can be a struggle. To give to others makes us realize we have worth.
She needs people outside of you to boost her value. Us moms are supposed to think our daughters are the BEST!
Keep at it. She's awesome.

When our church volunteer at the Soup kitchen she goes and she's active in school and has plenty of friends. She's always getting encouraging words from teachers and everything, this morning before she went to school, I told her to remember that she is beautiful. Thank you Ellie

your daughter is a beautiful young lady. I was picked on when I was growing up., Didn't have many real friends. Had some that acted like they were my friends. When they said I was uguly I asked if they looked it mirror today.

when I first tried it look at the picture it wouldn't work, had to reboot when AOL had a problem works fine now..

I figured it was something like that, thanks Larry

I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter is dealing with this Carolyn. She is beautiful, in fact both of your daughters are. Teenage age can be horrible, and kids can be very cruel.

Just the other day my son told me that he was ugly. (He is only 7). I told him that was not true, and I asked him why he would think that. Apparently another kid had told him that he had big lips, and now he is very self-conscious about it. Seriously, we can do everything in the world to protect our children, but we cannot protect them from cruel remarks. I am still trying to figure out how to handle it, but it is so difficult.

I hope your daughter will realize how pretty she is, but it can be very hard to shake off that kind of comments.

I'm sorry to hear that about your son as well and yes, kids can be very cruel and most of the time, the children who are being cruel are having problems with themselves.

Thank Jr

Thank you Carolyn. That's exactly what I told my son, and I told him that even if someone teased him, he should not tease back because they probably felt bad about themselves already.

Pretty is as pretty does and from the looks of that smile... I would say , that she is beautiful... She has an inner beauty that is shining through..
I had a feeling that you were going to say that kids told her she was ugly.... I bet the kids that told her this was jealous of her.... Thats usually the way it works... If it were a boy who said it, could it be that maybe, he had a crush on her and didnt know how to show it other than picking on her...

I do know that it was a boy but at that age, they don't understand that, thank you for your comment.

Your welcome carolyn... I just hate to see a young girl hurt like this because of another kids cruel remarks...

She is a gorgeous young woman! I had the same problem as a kid. Eventually the hurt will subside, but it may never really go away.

You're daughter is a very beautiful young lady. Tell her to hang in there. Listen to her friends, not the bullies.

Your daughter is beautiful but I will say that all teenagers feel that they are ugly from time to time. Kids can be cruel and sometimes kids who are jealous of another child will insult and berate them at every opportunity to make themselves feel better. My son, a very handsome young man who was even drafted by the International Model and Talent Association, felt that girls didn't really like him and he was too short, too smart, too dumb, too creative, too boring, etc. For a while he was a mass of contradiction. Keep reassuring her and talking to her. She'll find a way to stand on her own two feet with confidence if she has you and good friends on her side.

I think she's lovely and has a fantastic smile. Most teens feel like their ugly, except of course the most popular girls *rolls eyes*

lol, thanks

Please tell your daughter that no matter what someone looks like, almost everybody has a memory like she has of somebody being thoughtless and cruel. I remember a 'good friend' of mine in high school saying at our cafeteria table in front of our entire group of friends that I could be a model 'except for your nose'. I have more of a Roman nose - not a perky little, upturned nose that was the fashion at the time. That stuck with me for years and years. I even considered having a nose job as an adult! Now, I wouldn't trade my nose for any little perky number. When I've mentioned my nose to any other adult, they've looked at me like I was crazy.

If only I knew then what I know now - kids say things that are untrue just because they want to hurt someone else at the time. Maybe they're mad about something, maybe they're jealous - who knows? The point to remember is that it's not true. Your daughter is absolutely lovely - I hope she takes the lessons that adults have learned to heart and try to put that false and rude statement out of her mind for good.

Thank you for your lovely comment!

I think your daughter is very attractive. This reminds me of teenage girls with eating disorders who weigh 57 lbs but look in the mirror and think they need to lose more weight. I've known many adults who have similar blindness about what they look like.

Re: self-esteem. An excellent way to foster good self esteem is for a person to work on one specific ability or skill they have (like music, painting, a sport, etc.) and devote enough time to it to get really good at it, and as they get the feedback that puts the "good" tag on them, their self-esteem rises. Also, if the person is really into that activity, they don't care much what other people think because they have something larger that really matters to them.

I have one more thought on this that's fairly complex, so I sent you an email on that.

Thanks Robert, she's plays softball and loves it and she's very active in school. Thanks again

Your daughter is BEAUTIFUL Carolyn. It is not only children that can be cruel, but ADULTS as well. And, unfortunately, so many are just repeating a cycle of what goes on in their families with the way they speak to people and treat people. But it is no excuse for bad behavior on the part of anyone. It needs to be brought to the person's attention and resolved. Oftentimes, the very person speaking cruelties is the one in need of the most help. Tearing another person's self-esteem down never builds up the self-esteem of the one who does such things.

Teachers need to put forth a special effort to stop bullying.

HUGS ~ and thanks for bringing this issue to light, because it goes on much too much in our Schools...both public and private schools.

OH my goodness it breaks my heart to hear that!
She is super cute and she needs to know that. She looks like a beautiful girl in and out.
I hate how cruel kids can be and even some adults can be ugly with their words.
It makes me sad to hear when young girls stuggle with their self esteem.
Very sad. Tell her that God made her beautiful.
I am going to be praying for her.
I too have a teenaged daughter. She struggle s with her weight and It hurts me when she is looking in the mirror and I hear her say bad things to herself. I have to go in there and tell her to stop dogging herself and I have heart to hearts with her and I always lead her into a prayer because those years are hard for them. And I need her to know that God will help her. And she has our support.

Thank you and I've said a prayer for your daughter.

You are right kids can be so cruel. It breaks my heart that your daughter doesn't think she is beautiful. Tell her that when she meets the guy of her dreams he will love her for who she is inside and out. Not that my opinion would make your daughter feel better but she is pretty darn cute with that beautiful smile and nice figure.

Carolyn, my 16 yo daughter is going through the same thing. These years are hard enough with hormones and changing bodies but to have to deal with your peers being cruel. All we can do is hope that they find support within their friendship circles and keep the lines of communication open with us. I hate that this is becoming a "normal" thing for our girls to go through.

I agree, it's sad and thank you.

What a pretty girl, with a radiant smile. Just keep telling her she's not ugly.

I don't know why some people feel such a need to be cruel. Parents and other adults need to crack down on bullying-it's not trivial, it's not 'just a part of growing up' (would anyone say such a stupid thing about sexual abuse?). Hopefully your daughter will move beyond any dumb, crual things that were said to her.

I have to say that unfortunately I know exactly how she feels. When I was 10 we moved and in my new school the kids hated me. I was smarter and I was different and that was enough. For about 2 years I had no friends and was constantly told how stupid, ugly, fat (I wasn't fat!) and pathetic I was on a daily basis. I still live with the ramifications of this. I'm 42 years old now and I still have horrible self esteem, I've eaten my way to 300 lbs and still battle with feeling stupid (I am a former member of Mensa!!). I have come to the conclusion that it's brainwashing, pure and simple. Yes, it was a long time ago. Yes, I have forgiven the people who did that to me. Yes, I should be able to walk away from it. But it's always there in the back of my mind. If I knew how to make it go away I would. I've been in and out of therapy for years. If I could have gotten help sooner I am sure I wouldn't still be living with this. Please don't let her continue to think she's ugly! If she's having depression over this or thoughts of hopelessness find her a counselor. She is a beautiful young woman that has her whole life ahead of her and the thought of anyone ending up like me because of kids being mean brings me to tears.

Thank you for the comment, thankfully she's not depressed, she's a happy 15 year old but when people tell her she's pretty, she doesn't think so. She has family and friends who love her and tell her she's beautiful and she can do anything she wants and that helps a lot.