Examination of evidence leading to the incident at Sea World during which a killer whale murdered his trainer has led to the belief that Dawn Brancheau may have ingested several containers of Tiger Woods Gatorade just prior to her last encounter with the orca. According to experts, the energy drink could have caused the young woman to exhibit behaviors which were mistaken by the giant mammal as mating gestures, leading to an amorous frenzy on his part. To prevent recurrence of the tragedy, Sea World has ordered that Tiger Woods Gatorade be removed from the shelves of all grocery stores on the grounds of the theme park.
According to one unnamed source, “Tilli (Shamu was his stage name) had a long-standing crush on Dawn, but it wasn't until he caught a whiff of Gatorade on her breath that he fell in love and wanted her to bear his children. Unfortunately, he mistook her blow hole for his and held her underwater longer than is healthy for humans.”
Inter-species relationships are not uncommon in the animal kingdom, according to experts in such matters. As proof, they point to the well-known bonds between men and dogs, cats and rodents and monkeys and feces.