I'm Scared! I don't know how to write this article at this time so that I don't sound like I am whining, but at the same time I am hurting and I truly do need my friends' understanding. I write because writing is cathartic, it is a good way to let out all that ails us. Since I trained as a counselor I know this and I believe in it. I use this medium for getting out my feelings all the time.
Some people know this entire story, some people know bits and pieces, and for some of you, it might be very new. I will try to sum it up without being too boring or longwinded. The bottom line is I am scared.
I had a great place to live for 21 years. It was a low rental. Then there were problems with my teenage son; he did a lot of damage in the house. The neighbours complained about him, and then I had to find a new place to live.
It wasn't easy but I found a place for $160.00 more a month. We stayed there until 2005 and then we had to move again because I went on vacation and came back to an eviction notice. Apparently the water was running in the sink and my son went out. There was severe water damage to the apartment downstairs. I was scared then too, but we found the place I am living in now. Unfortunately it was $200 dollars more a month than the last place and I had to give the landlord two months rent just for him to rent it to me.
I couldn't do that now if I wanted to. Back then I thought I could work, but now I am on disability I can no longer work. I live every day of my life in pain and I am scared. I am scared because I find my self in the position of having to find another place to stay. I am on disability. I have no money, I can hardly walk, and I have no transportation to get back and forth to view these places for rent. I have been looking all winter and I haven't found anything. I wanted to find something cheaper as this place is way beyond my means but I can't find anything cheaper.
The house is also as cold as a barn in the winter, so much so, that I wear my winter coat and boots in the house and it takes me all year to catch up on the hydro (heating bill) and then it starts all over again. I have lived so long now worrying about money and paying my bills that it is a chronic way of life for me. The house is also very damp so much so, that bag of sugar is as hard as a rock and I have to break up the sugar with a hammer. I am not kidding!
Needless to say that all this dampness hurts my bones and makes me more ill than I have to be. Also the landlord wouldn't fix the heating last winter, one coil did not work at all.
I hate moving. I am too sick to move, but too sick to stay where I am as well. Also there is a yard to mow and I can't do it either. It is at a point that I can hardly stand up now and I cannot do much housework.
I made a decision last fall to start looking for housing. At first I was trying to find a cheaper place to stay, figuring that would free up some cash so I could pay my bills. Only I couldn't find anything cheaper. I came to the realization that I would have to pay more than I am paying here to move.
The clincher came four months ago when the current landlord put the building up for sale. He also wanted to charge all the tenants 100 dollars more a month. Nobody in the building wants to pay that. The building is just not worth it. The landlord had a potential buyer who had an inspector come. He said he had never seen a building in such poor condition.
I had a choice of fighting the 100-dollar increase, which is illegal, or move. Of course as you know I wanted to move. I was required by law to give three months notice of moving and I did.
The 3 months is up June 30th and I have not found anything yet and I am scared. The landlord can legally throw my furniture on the street on July 1, if I do not have a place to go.
You might remember reading the poem Life's Journey to End that pretty sums up my feelings. My stomach is in knots and I am very worried about not finding a place in time. My son and I have been looking all over. We have already been refused several times. First the landlords want people who are working and neither one of us are. We are on disability. Then they do a credit check and well I don't have good credit, I live my life robbing Peter to pay Paul. I don't like to live this way but I have more household expenses than I have money coming in and I am scared.
Just today I got a refusal from the last place we looked, for an apartment. The landlord refused to rent to us based on some credit check he said he did where I had problems with the rent in 2002 and 2004. This is absolutely not true. Even if it was, from 2005 to 2009 there is no problem with the rent, so what is his problem?
The fact of the matter is all the landlords are alike and I am scared. I need a place badly, I can't find one and I am scared. If I don't find one I will have my furniture put on the street by a bailiff and I am scared.
Yes, I believe in prayer and yes I have many people praying for me right now, and yes I pray myself, every day. But I am still scared. People have to have a roof over their head and feel safe and secure. If you the reader have never had to go through this there is no way you could ever understand what I am going through. I have 27 days to find something, and of course finding something on the last day is already too late, so basically I have about 3 weeks to find something. I have my name in low rental, and I giving them a call today to tell them this is an emergency and I really need something much quicker than I did before. I have no idea if it will work; normally they only have emergency flats for victims who have been stranded due to a fire. I know other people in my situation who have asked for a place only to be refused.
The housing authorities said they had to find their own place; they had none for them. I am tired of being sick, I am tired of worrying about money, worrying about a place to live and just getting by day by day; and I am tired of being scared. Please pray for me, you are all my only hope. Yes, it is in God's hands, but prayer makes the request stronger. There is power in prayer I believe that with all my heart. I no longer want to be scared.
Addendum: This article was actually written last year, but guess what, it is happening again. I managed to stay in my place as I was able to get the landlord to recant on his huge rent hike. However, now he sold the building and it will be stripped and turned into a condo. Of course I will not be able to afford the condo price, so I have to find a new place.
The stress of finding a place last year nearly killed me. I am not exaggerating I was an emotional zombie. I have a bit more time to look this year than I did last year but all the rents are way out of the range I can afford.
The good news is I may have found a place. It is a city dwelling so that it is cheaper than most rents. I made the application and I am waiting. I really can't afford this place either, but I will not find a better deal because it belongs to the city of Montreal.
I am visualizing myself in the place already. I am actually in a healthier frame of mind that I was in last year. Since last year I have embraced the law of attraction and I have put in my mind that this place is mine.
Please everyone pray for me or if you don’t believe in pray send positive vibes my way. I want to get back to you all and tell you I got this place. I already claimed it in my mind.