Judas Asparagus and Email Forward Story

Judas Asparagus

A child was asked to write a book report on

the entire Bible.

This is amazing and brought tears of laughter

to my eyes.

I wonder how often we take for granted that

children understand what we are teaching???

Through the eyes of a child:

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the

start, there was nothing but God, darkness,

and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy

God is one, but I think He must be a lot older

than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and

someone did.

Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and

Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed

because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one

bad apple, so they were driven from the

Garden of Eden......Not sure what they were

driven in though, because they didn't have

cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his

brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, e

xcept for Methuselah, who lived to be like a

million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah,

who was a good guy, but one of his kids was

kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put

his family and some animals on it. He asked

some other people to join him, but they said

they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob

. Jacob was more famous than his brother,

Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in

exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son

named Joseph who wore a really loud sports

coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose

real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the

Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the

evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on

Pharaoh's people. These plagues included

frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed th e Israel Lights every day with

manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten

Commandments. These include: don't lie,

cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's

stuff.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who

was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua

fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell

over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king

by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son

named Solomon who had about 300 wives and

500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise,

but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major

league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who

was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed

up on the shore.

There were also some minor league prophets,

but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New

Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He

was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had

been born in a barn too, because my mom is

always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you

born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a

matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments w

ith sinners like the Pharisees and the

Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums.

The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas

was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable

after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many

leopards and even preached to some Germans

on the Mount.

But all those guys put Jesus on trial before

Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for

Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came

back to life again. He went up to Heaven but

will be back at the end of the Aluminum.. His

return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

-------You must share this delightful story! --------

I did  so pass it on.  This is from an Email

Forward