"""Two Different Churches"""
1.Service and Sunday school are both over by 10:30 a.m.
2.The pastor delegates his preaching and he does not preach, himself, every Sunday or every service.
3.No one leaves the choir during the entire service.
4.There is only One choir.
5.Choir rehersal is only once a month, not every week.
6.The are 52-inch flat screen T.V's posted in the sanctuary,which is where announcements are posted and not read audibly.
7.No afternoon and night service unless it's a repeat of the same service.
8.You can't tell the Pastor's car because everyone drives a nice car.
9.Women wear less jewerly because they know less means more.
10.Communion is packaged together and not served in four gold trays.
11.Babies are not passed around during church. They sit only with their parents.
12.Men Dress in Polos and Dockers.
13.Mothers feed their kids Fruits, Grains and Animal crackers before service.
14.80% of the congregation wears real furs in the winter and don't walk in service late to show them off
15.It takes Two Deacons to count $10,000t in offering
16.There's only one offering
17.Everyone has a bible and appears familiar with it
1.Service starts at 11:00 a.m. but folks come in throughout the service.
2.The pastor preaches every Sunday.Pulpit minister only preaches when Pastor is on vacation.
3.People constantly leave the choir during service.
4.The Pastor don't come out until 45 minutes after service has started.
5.There are 4-5 choirs in the same church.
6.Mothers fuss at and whip kids in church during service.
7.Announcements are given out loud for ten minutes and the audience has to help the announcement clerk how to pronounce the words.
8.Two of the church deacons have Gold teeth or No teeth.
9.The members socialize and speak during the tithes and offerings.
10.When church is over, no-one discusses the Pastor's message. They just compliment each other's outfits and hair.
11.Women come into church late and pass their babies around.
12.Women give each other signals when a handsome guest minister is invited.
13.You find notes after church that says."That's not her hair,"Who is that baby's daddy,"He needs to sit down", "What you fix for dinner?", "I know she ain't got that on", "Let me borrow $1 for offering".
14.It takes eight deacons two hours to count $400.
15.There is a slot on the tithes envelope marked, "building fund".
16.The afternoon service is either,Choir day,Usher day, Men &women's day,(don't forget youth dayEducations day,Pastor's aide day, Hospitality day,New member day,Church anniversary day, Pastor's anniversary day and Revival.
17.The choir practices every week and still can't sing.
18.You see more than five people pass some gum or peppermint.
19. Someone will feed a baby Cheetos,sugar cookies, crackers,or vanilla wafers in the sanctuary
20.Men will have on suits in the colors of bright yellow,lime gren,hot pink,sky blue and candy apple red with shoes to match.
21. People will have an $80 bible but will have to look in the table of contents to find the text of the Pastor's message.