I believe we all have a similar dream of finding that right person, having a long term relationship, getting married, having children . . . and the happily ever after. In the “olden days” when I was growing up, all the TV families exemplified what the perfect family should be. Who wouldn’t dream of that perfect life? The problem is, reality and dreams are not always in the same realm of being.
When you meet someone and fall in love, at that moment things do feel like it will be a forever feeling. For one reason or another, those feelings can deteriorate, and what makes it worse is that there are children involved in the family unit. When there is a separation and/or divorce, unfortunately we as a couple are not always on the friendliest of terms, because of hurtful feelings and/or words and that can be so damaging to those who look up to us for guidance.
Even though you cannot live together anymore, it does not mean that we should reflect any of our resentments around our children. Unfortunately, they probably witnessed a lot of those feelings while you were still together, unhappily, trying to stay together. Those little people do not get enough credit for being as perceptive as they are. We need to do what is in their best interest; we chose to have them and are responsible for the futures, whether together or apart.
Most times, unless you split on really good terms, a series of amicable counseling may be extremely important. Communication is of utmost importance but many times that is why the relationship did not work to begin with because it was lacking in that essential ingredient. If you want to move forward, apart, for the sake of the children, there has to be some kind of good communication. As a separated couple, chances are pretty strong that a mediator of sorts will be needed to develop some type of open communication as you continue your parenting of those beautiful children you created together.
I do speak from experience myself and it was tough at first because of the fresh wounds. But you must look beyond that. Thereafter whenever speaking, we were on friendly terms whenever we spoke, relating to the children. I am not saying you have to call each other and be buddies but when those kids are around or when there are concerns regarding those kids that you need to discuss, keep your focus on the subject at hand. Eventually you can both learn to just be cordial to each other. My kids are grown now but as long as they live, get married and have their own children; there will always be a connection to each other. I feel it to be much easier for us, and for the children, not to go through life hating each other. It is so much better to just get along.