I have talked to women throughout the years who felt that having a jealous boyfriend was cute. They defended this behavior by saying that it showed their boyfriend really loved them. If the boyfriend was not jealous then according to them that would mean that he did not care.
Where did this negative emotion suddenly become something good? Jealousy is not a good thing. Jealousy is a negative emotion coming from a place of insecurity. The person who is jealous is not happy and healthy. The jealous person is psychologically stressed and worried and feeling inadequate. In a healthy relationship there is no need for jealousy since both partners are secure in their relationship. They know they are loved and they do not need to feel that their partner is seeing someone else, showing more attention on someone else, or cares more for someone else. They know exactly where they stand in their relationship.
People who have a healthy ego and good self esteem know their own value, they do not feel inadequate, insecure, or wanting. When they are in a healthy relationship they do not feel that their man or woman may turn a wondering eye. Of course if the relationship is not healthy and the partner is cheating, it goes without saying that is a different story and a different article altogether. However, in a good relationship there is no need for these feelings of jealousy. Jealousy is more about the person who is jealous than the partner that they mistrust. Letâ€™s face it, if you really have a reason to mistrust your partner then it is time to reevaluate your relationship and maybe even end the relationship if the situation is that bad.
However, with jealousy, the situation usually is not that bad. It is a situation of hyper vigilance on the part of the jealous person who wants to watch and control every move their partner makes. They only feel secure when they can control the situation.
The jealous partner does not realize that they cannot be in control of every situation. There is no such thing as being in control of every situation in life. Again, this need to control every situation comes from an inner sense of insecurity. People who are insecure feel the need to control the situation so that the outcome turns out in their favor, or the outcome is something they can feel comfortable with.
How do jealous people try to control every situation with their romantic partners?
Habits of jealous partners
Some jealous partners will watch every move their partnerâ€™s make. They will follow them around, and sneak up on them. They will go to places they were not invited to, to see what their partner is doing. They may show up at the worksite because they think their partner is flirting or dating another woman at the workplace.
Persistent telephone calling
They will call their partners all day and all night long if they do not live with them, just to check up on them and make sure they are home or at the place they said they would be.
Some jealous partners goes as far as to have other people spy on their partners, bringing any news that might be considered evidence that their partners are cheating.
Believing the rumors
Jealous people will believe all the negative rumors that their partners are cheating even when there is no rhyme of reason for these rumors. They donâ€™t dismiss vicious rumors, nor do verify to see if these rumors could possibly be true they just believe them.
Controlling the situation
To control the situation jealous people often set out demands, which often limit the behavior of their partners. They might not allow their partners to do any social activities if they are not present. They may disallow certain activities such as online social sites such as Facebook or Myspace. They may demand that their partners go straight home after work or call them when they are out in order to check in with them. They may even insist that their partner no longer have the friends they used to have prior to their relationship, just in case an imaginary affair might result.
Picking fights and abusive behavior
Depending upon the extent of the jealousy it can lead to abusive relationships. Jealous people can pick an argument or a fight over the fact that they saw their partner look at someone else when they were out together. Unfortunately, they did not notice that they too looked at someone else because it is human nature to do so. How can anybody be out in public and not look at people? It is absolutely unavoidable.
Looking at people does not mean cheating, starring at people might, but again that is situational. If your partner completely ignores you when you are out and stares at all the pretty girls, then maybe this is not jealousy. Instead it is total disrespect and you need to talk to your partner about this bad behavior. However, this is not the issue in jealousy. In jealousy even the most innocent glance is construed to mean something more sinister and is often blown out of proportion.
Verbal and physical abuse
Verbal abuse is one outcome of jealousy, but there could also be physical abuse with dire consequences. Partners can be badly hurt often requiring emergency hospital care or they may even die as a result of the physical abuse.
However, overly jealous people who do not trust their partners can also destroy the physical relationship because of their jealous ways. Their romantic relationship is not healthy especially when there are meaningless arguments and their partner is also stressed out because of it. The partner will begin to resent the false accusations, the mistrust and the controlling behavior of the other person. What might have been thought of as cute is not so cute anymore. No one wants to be in a situation where they have to account for every single moment of the day or night to their partner. No one likes to feel that someone else is controlling his or her life. No one likes to feel that the person they love does not trust them and no one likes to defend over and over again that they are not seeing another woman or another man. If you really want to kill a good relationship, continue being jealous.
Jealousy often begins in early childhood
Jealousy often begins in early childhood when children are not validated. Children may be compared to other children who have more than they do in some way. They can be compared to a smarter sibling, a prettier sibling, and a more outgoing sibling. They might be shy and their sibling is very social and people tend to flock to the sibling instead of them. They may be ignored because they are so quiet while their sibling takes the limelight. They might have a sibling who is has a special talent, is a great athlete and so on. When kids are left out like this they envy their siblings, they wish they had what it takes to make them as popular or as gifted or as pretty or whatever they perceive to be what they are lacking in. The situation can extend to their peers as well. Children who feel they are lacking in some way are very unhappy and emotionally stressed. They do not feel loved and the seeds of jealousy are planted. These seeds can continue with them all through their adult life.
Jealousy will break up romantic relationships and it will ruin social relationships and friendships. It can destroy the home and work environment. It can cause social alienation and further distress to the jealous person because now, feeling distressed is coupled with other people who are upset with their extreme behavior. Instead of getting the love they want so badly, jealous people get more feelings of being unwanted, unloved, and ignored. It becomes a vicious circle.
If you feel you might be a little too jealous then you need to speak to a good friend whom you trust to guide and let you know if your jealousy is unfounded, or failing that you may need to get professional help.
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