An Odyssey of Silliness ~ A Movie Review of ‘2012’

Just because the Mayans predicted it doesn’t mean that it will come to pass.  There is a lot of debate as to what the Mayan calendar meant exactly.  Several experts state that the calendar doesn’t even denote the end of the world, but a change in 2012, yet a mere change isn’t enough to tempt Roland Emmerich to produce, direct, and write a movie – no, that takes an apocalypse of geographical collapse.  Listen all of you haters out there; Emmerich is a treasure, he is the 22^nd century answer to Irwin Allen and we Americans are lucky enough to have this German transplant come to our shores and systematically and cinematically tear our sh*t up.  Ever wonder what the White House would look like blown up?  Check out Emmerich’s ‘Independence Day’.  How about Godzilla laying some eggs in Madison Square Garden?   ‘Godzilla’ it is – if it was male it would have been named Godzillo.  Maybe it would be cool to see one of those flipping big cargo ships flow down a usually busy New York street?  Then wake up and find yourself watching ‘The Day After Tomorrow’.  ‘2012’ is far from being a great movie, but as special effects and survival at unbelievable odds goes, it is a movie that needs to be seen in the theater.

 

                I’m sure by now everyone knows that 2012 is the latest in vogue ‘end of days’ date.  As I understand it, there is some significance in that different planets will be lined up which could cause some solar flares, but let’s hope those solar flares can’t really heat up the world’s core to the point of crust displacement because if that is the case than I’m just going to start using Aqua Net again and say hell to the environment.  Well, where everyone else sees gloom and doom Emmerich sees as a chance to show L.A. skyscrapers collapsing on top of one another while a plane piloted by a plastic surgeon with two flight lessons under his belt dodges the wreckage with his wife, her kids, and her ex-husband (played by John Cusack). Of course, this is after Cusack, a science fiction writer moonlighting as a limo driver, has driven the hardy group through downtown L.A. while fissions in the earth are tearing the roads apart.  It’s been enough time since 9/11 so now it is safe for movies to demonstrate that if you can’t drive around a collapsing twenty story office building, the next best thing to do is drive through it.

 

                If there were any serious flaws in the film, besides the over the top suspension of disbelief scenes, it has to be that the dialogue was atrocious.  I don’t want to get all nihilistic and root for the destruction of humankind, but lord, you would think that nearly 500 years after Shakespeare someone could write about the preciousness of life without bargain basement sentiment.  Oh, and when did it become much more nobler to die with the uninformed masses than try and lead the surviving rabble?  Ever since Obama has been president, Hollywood feels that it no longer has to cast a black man as president with a sense of irony so instead they just let him die while helping folks on the White House lawn.  Shoot, the Prez (played by Danny Glover) is even looking for the lost father of a little moppet when a tsunami carrying the USS John F. Kennedy falls on his head.  Thank goodness his daughter, Thandie Newton, was able to get away on Air Force One so she can fall for the suave-tongued geologist (I’m totally being ironic here because he gives the worst speeches about the best way of saving humanity is by not losing our personal humanity – Blaaaaaa).  Of course the catch all, my friends, is that the person who gives the worst speech is always the one who is elected by the pause of a passive group of spectators to be the leader of the new world order.  Hint, humanity was born in Africa thus humanity returns…that, and Wisconsin is the new South Pole (not that is any surprise to the natives). 

       

                ‘2012’ is a summer movie, which debuted a few weeks before the actual Christmas film season started.  In fact, I would note that it is perfect hybrid of summer action flick and sad sappy holiday film fuss.  In truth, we all know it can’t be the holidays unless we go to the cinema to watch something that will make us want to oft ourselves afterwards.  ‘2012’ is being compared a lot to ‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’, and yes, there are similarities in that both films are basically CGI flicks with a few known acting faces thrown in for good measure, ‘2012’ is much more tolerable and though the plot is stupid, it didn’t come anywhere as near as dumb as ‘Transformers’.  I may even be mistaken, but I believe a television show is in the works on what happens after the humans in their arcs land in Africa (I bet they are going to be embarrassed that they packed up all of those zoo animals only to return them back to the continent from which they originated). 

 

                BTW, if you want to read some hilarious observations look at the IMDB message board page for ‘2012’.  Some Australian voiced a complaint that Australia is never included in disaster films.  Apparently having Yellow Stone National Park going volcanic and the explosive demolition of Vegas wasn’t wetting his whistle.  All I can say in terms of condolence is ask if he has ever seen the movie ‘Australia’?  If not, see it, then you will understand that both the continent and the nation of Australia has fulfilled its disaster film quota for the next several decades.      

 

                There isn’t much else to say about this film, either you enjoy this genre or you don’t.  It isn’t the sort of movie you watch and think is brilliant to only catch again on TBS twenty years later and reflect how easily impressed you were back in the day.  No, you walk out of the theater thinking ‘2012’ was a pretty stupid movie and it will only get dumber with age, but you do walk out entertained and in the end isn’t that what movie going is all about?

 

Westerfield © 2009