As I sat on the sofa recovering from Thanksgiving dinner I started thinking about how once again I found myself in the middle of the holidaze. Do not try this at home — thinking is a dangerous activity on a full stomach.
At Thanksgiving we polished off most of the remaining Halloween candy as appetizers while wearing our Halloween costumes because at $59 a pop I wanted us to get more than one wearing out of them and, to be perfectly honest, some relatives look better in costume.
My choices after dinner were thinking or watching football. With the turkey tryptophan lull in full force, I was too tired for football. So I thought instead and here's what I came up with. We should create a new holiday that rolls Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas into one nice, tight week-long package so we can get the holidays over with quickly and get on with important business such as deciding who we think should be nominated for Oscars this year and whether Joan Rivers should be allowed on television any longer.
I suggest we call the new conglomerated holiday package —Hallowgivingmas. Why? Well, if you start preparing for Halloween on, say, October 15, then under today's rules you are embarking on a three-month holiday period — assuming you can recover from New Year's Eve by January 15. I say we consolidate those separate festivities into one mega-holiday and give everyone a whole week off.
My one-week Hallowgivingmas would include all the key ingredients of each of the existing holidays: masks, candy, turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce. Then you top off the week with presents and champagne, lots of champagne, you'll need it by then. We would create a totally new holiday like George's father on "Seinfeld" did with Festivus. Remember how well that worked out?
If you are of another religious persuasion you can substitute the holiday of your choice for Christmas. There could be Hallowgivinguka and Hallowgivinganzaa or … well, you get the point.
What would a holiday be without decorations? Relaxing, but I'm not optimistic we can change this engrained tradition. That raises the question of how one decorates for Hallowgivingmas.
The way I see it there are two choices. A neighborhood can band together, draw lots and one house will decorate for Halloween, the next house for Thanksgiving, the final house for Christmas and so on around the block.
Or you can put on your thinking caps and meld the three occasions into one mélange of decoratory glamour. (Yes, I made up a word.) For example, who says the blown up plastic Santa has to ride in a sleigh? He could be popping out of a pumpkin. It was good enough for Cinderella.
Instead of carving the pumpkin you could cut out holes in a giant foam candy cane and have tiny goblins sticking their heads through the holes. Instead of holly berries on the door wreath, use cranberries, etc.
I think indoor decorations can be left to the individual households to fight out in private. Of one thing I am sure, stockings hung by the chimney with care are non-negotiable.
Then there is the matter of mascots. Halloween has the Great Pumpkin and Christmas has Santa Claus. President's Day has two mascots, George and Abe. Yet Thanksgiving has no mascot unless you count the turkey, but that's a limited engagement. Consider the Easter Bunny. He has nothing to do until spring so he'd probably like a fall job. Cut holes in a pilgrim hat for his ears and he'll fit right in.
That leaves one remaining conundrum: the football schedule, which is above my pay grade but I wouldn't worry about it. Whoever is playing whatever, whenever, just put it on the tube and men will tune in.
OK, the recession-embattled retail industry won't like this idea. Maybe we should hold off until the recession is over and then it's Merry Hallowgivingmas to all and to all a good fall.
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Comments: 93
but I'm open to suggestions as I don't wear costumes for any of them since the police suggested that when I was thirty-something, I shouldn't be trick 'n treating any longer.
Of course, those will be kept private, unless I'm paid a lot of money. I have my scruples ... and my price ... and the later is high.
And I agree about the important one but don't get the sense that's what's going on for most people at Christmas.
Just sayin' :)
You gave me another idea. Everyone can pick the one of the three they want to celebrate the most and drop the others. Of course, that might lead to discrimination:
"Mary, how many times have I told you not to talk to the Weeners."
Maybe the neighborhood could rotate relatives, a different batch every day.
Have you noticed that other people's relatives are much easier to take than yours?
Of course, that would put the economy in the toilet ... oh, wait, it's already there. :)
But Thanksgiving does seem to fit right in. I mean, all it's got is the food--no songs, no gifts, no idols to set up in the living room, nothing. Definitely a good candidate for consolidation with Christmas.
(The turkey will be very upset you think there are no idols. That's what we use to lure him into the house.)
Maybe holidaze could become holicraze? :D
Rich cousin’s nupitals
Creative is good and rhyme is elegant but every once in a while it helps to be sensible.
We like your concept of bunching the holidays all together so people can pig out once and get it over with.
However, we must reject including Valentine's Day in the Hallowgivingmas mix as we would then be accused of "holiday creep." We have to draw the line somewhere.
We have put your idea in our 2010 suggestion box for reconsideration at that time.
Happy Holidays to you and yours.
The Hallowgivingmas Central Committee
Maybe on eBay.
Thanks.
Rolling all those holidays into one week-long celebration sure sounds like a great idea, bu naming it would be problematic.
I got some good naps along with hubby helping since he works third shift..
On the Christmas holiday my kids will get a whole ten days off, school free, that's over two weeks of vacation there..
So, sorry there John, I can't support one big holiday mish mash..
Even though it is a cool idea.
What do you think? Is this worth a letter to congress, or what?
Rest easy
I believe you have come up with an innovative solution to the retailers' concerns though we may be violating a few town ordinances.
Thanks for leaving me with the haunting image of dancing naked relatives in the driveway.
Pat's idea is a harmonious synthesis, with my luck I'd end up with some necrotic vampire asking children to sit on his lap, wreaths of turkey feathers, and gifts of the Tim Burton persuasion.
Maybe that will end the recession.
Or we could all re-gift what we got. I have some specific presents in mind. :)
One week for all three? Would never work. We like to stretch out our miseries.
Second, I came up with "decorlatory"prior to the turkey infusion.
I secretly want Presidents' Days, Memorial Day, the 4th of July, Labor Day, and Veteran's Day included, but what would inevitably happen? I would be labelled such things as unAmerican, and a traitor, although it just might be worth it; it WOULD call this economy back into check.
What you're suggesting is "theme" holidays." Cool.
of course, for many, New Years is a necessary release from the holiday relatives. :)
I give you credit at inclusion for other religions in your proposal, but it just wouldn't work for the Jewish people.
While food is almost always part of any celebration, other issues such as timeliness present a real problem.
For example, we really don't celebrate all hallows eve; it has no place on the calendar, and it's a pagan holiday. Costumes are only recognized in the late March - early April time frame, depending on the lunar calendar. That's the period of Purim as chronicled in the book of Esther.
Then we have the New Year in the September to October time frame, which is also known as the high holidays.
There's nothing out of sorts for Thanksgiving as every day can be treated as a day of thankfulness and inclusion.
Then comes December within which we celebrate Chanukah (Hannukah; a directory of hominyms can be useful here because of the variety of spellings) which is observed with oil-lit menorahs and latkes (potato pancakes) that have been cooked in oil.
Even though we've celebrated our new year already, there's nothing wrong with observing the Gregorian calendar's placement of 31 DEC to wring out (!!) the old year and bring in the new.
Of course, there is Passover celebrating the liberation from Egyptian rule and the exodus featuring the Prophet Moses and his brother Aaron and the parting of the sea of reeds (Red Sea). Integrated with stories from the past is the festival meal within which we stuff ourselves like thanksgiving turkeys.
There is plenty of shopping and much gift giving during several of the holidays as well. Nothing like shopping for a family of 2 adults and 10 kids.
I'm not putting the kabosh on your idea; just demonstrating how much of a challenge it would present when attempting to integrate it with the Jewish calendar.
Here's how I look at it: Thanks,giving is a national holiday not religious. Halloween, regardless of its origins, is essentially a community thing. Christmas, of course, is religious.
I'm suggesting to reduce celebration clutter, everybody take a community and national holiday we all celebrate, add a December religious event of your choice and voila.