Randomness: Robot Style

The Spawn of Rosie the Robot

• Farming is such a friendless, lonely task.
• It’s a robot and women are STILL making the coffee.
• Make one whose face looks like melted candle wax and that moonwalks and I think you’ve got something there.
• No bumblebees were harmed in the construction of this robot.
• Egads! Obamacare leaves you in the hands of robots!
• Next stop, firing missiles into Pakistan.
• I’d say a robot playing volleyball would qualify as an “unpredictable movement“.

Capitalism Means Never Having to Say You’re Broke

• Such an industrious woman. Some panties, some sweat , and Craigslist and you have entrepreneurial spirit galore.
• There are only 15? I could find a zillion, no problem.
• The gadgets were filled with testosterone, but they didn’t result in men doing housework any more often.
• Poo? Yeah, we got an app for that.
• The 16 men following Judy down the street misunderstood exactly what Twitter was all about.
• Dash Ripcock was announced as the winner on the strength of his acting on Boogie Woogie Bugle Butts of Company B.
• This Chablis is an unassuming little wine combining notes of stale beer and moldy Slim Jims with just a hint of tropical flavored Big Gulp at the finish.
• Just the thing for a man who’s too stupid to put his pants on right way around.
• Personally, I prefer using a ShamWow. They’re made in Germany, so watch out for cheap imitations.

Japan is a Place of Wonder

• Just chillin’.
• The Japanese are clever people, but perhaps a tad bit too regimented.
• The sushi-loving captain of the fishing trawler was injured when his sushi decided to bite back.
• Scientists at the University of Tokyo believe they’ve discovered why many Japanese children emerge from childhood with severe psychological damage.
• Well, at least it wasn’t a commercial for the Hello Kitty model.

Sexy Is As Sexy Does

• Um! Oh yeah baby! I love it when you flutter your wings like that!
• Filming for the Chinese version of Three’s Company is set to begin in Chengdu, China soon.
• A New Zealand woman is outraged that her husband paid retail.
• It turns out that the allergy isn’t nearly as rare as you might think.
• Dueling Banjos, from the movie Deliverance, is the official theme song of Craigslist Personals.
• When the all-male search team found their nirvana, they curled into fetal positions and wept with joy.
• Ever since he started dating Amy, Rob enjoyed mowing the lawn.

People With Too Much Time On Their Hands

• And in the name of the father, son, and Ty Pennington…
• You just gotta’ love a pirate with a dream…arrrr!
• Behold the wonder of people given a video camera and a half hour of cable time at 2 am.
• Tales of the telemarketer. Thanks Gregg Robles.
• Why? Just because you can never see too much about sumo wrestlers.
• Everyone knows that God placed man on Earth less than 5 years ago. Further proof that Creationism is REAL!
• Finally, the answer to what the 800 pound gorilla does when he leaves the room.
• Recently released records from President Bush’s trip to the last Olympics revealed he has a fetish for lighting farts from female volleyball players.
• Jerome’s surgery horror stories seemed to turn off the babes, but he could never understand why.
• Allison thought the whole affair was damned inconvenient.
• William Shatner, our generation’s most beloved thespian.
• OK, here’s what I can never understand - why does he never show up in church?
• When Captain Nemo saw the place, he finally understood true love.
• Engineers could design these babies, but they couldn’t keep San Francisco’s Bay Bridge from shedding 5000 lbs chunks of metal into rush hour traffic. Go figure.
• Is that a pickle in your pants or are you just glad to see me?
• Rumors say Joe Jackson filmed the episode and plans to release the movie during the Christmas blockbuster season.
• The war in Hotubistan was going worse than the American people knew.
• Next week on America’s Funniest Home Videos - mixing baseball bats and pinatas!
• I learned everything I know from the Internet.

Prison Overcrowding Caused by Criminal Stupidity

• Police reported the bank robber said, “I have hostages! One more move and the Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom gets it!”
• The Birdman of Timaru proved to the townspeople that birds taste exactly like chicken.

Cross posted at The Omnipotent Poobah Speaks!