Crisis in American Education

America is the most powerful and influential nation in the history of man yet in this land of opportunity adult illiteracy is a growing national shame.   Daily, men and women in essential national positions demonstrate the most pitiful and heartbreaking inability to read or comprehend.  In Congress Republican after Republican approaches the hallowed lectern of the people and with tear streamed face lifts the Health Care Bill and mumbles “I jest cain’t read it!  Jest Cain’t!” 

What was an indecency is now a National Security issue.  In response the Democratic majority has offered the “The Conservative Too Stupid to Govern” Bill.  It mandates remedial reading classes in secure, undisclosed locations.  In a act of mercy the Republicans enrolled will remain anonymous unless after literary illumination they change party. 

The GOP has promised to filibuster the bill and offered a substitute, the “Reagan Don’t stress my attention span” bill which will mandate Bills at 3^rd grade reading level with colored pictures and crayons to amend legislation.