Tell Me I'm Crazy...

Tell me I’m crazy… 966 miles stand between the two of us. Four and a half years since we have been together and not once have we been face to face, able to kiss, able to hug like any other couple can. They take advantage of such things when we yearn to do what they can every day.

A week ago you broke up with me… you dare not tell me why and ignore my questions of why. But deep down inside myself, I know the reason. So I’m taking the plunge and doing it. Monday I bought plane tickets…what is a mere $753 when it comes to love?

My mind and body has been in term-oil, I’m so nervous of what you’ll say when you realize I’m really there, body in your room, waiting for you to get over the shock of reality. Days go by and finally, my fear and uneasiness turn to excitement. I’ve planned everything to the T, I should be all right.

It’s 2 in the morning; I give my cancer-stricken mother for pain medication and quickly dash upstairs into the bathroom. Splashes are heard as the shower starts up, my clothes practically falling off my body; I make my way into the bathtub.

Steam engulfs me but I can’t be retreat to dreams, I have to more with haste. Hair, face and body are washed and dried as I put my clothes on, excitement filling my mind. Things from there turn into a blur; I must have eaten, brushed my teeth and left the house because now I’m nervously waiting in the airport. The drive from Green Bay to my house is 45 minutes but I’m not quite sure where the time goes.

Recalling everything that I need, I sit in the chair and wait for the boarding to begin. People of all kinds are found in the airport, their minds on similar things, “when will we finally be there?” I think I can hear a couple talking…

Furthermore, I do believe I’m losing my mind. I’ve boarded and we are about to take off; it’s 6 in the morning. In an hour we will be in Chicago, this is where I will be switching planes and going the straight shot to Oklahoma City. I’ve never flown alone, so I’m kind of nervous about it, but part of me knows I’ll be okay.

My inner Sagittarian is coming out to play. Although it is my sign, I feel more like it as the days go by to get to where I am now, in this plane. I mean, I’ve traveled to far off distance places before but through their music, literature, arts and movies. I know Oklahoma isn’t really foreign, but it’s new and different to me.

I have brought “The Good Earth” along to read too, just incase I need something to do and yes, I have read it before but it’s just such a good book. Also, my mp3 player is full of wonderful happy up-beat music that will enchant my mind, calming me. Oddly enough, the chair is comfortable.

I’m a couple pages into my book, finally after concentrating on it, but I have to relocate to the last plane. I’ll write more once I get situated. Which will probably be, around an hour, hour and a half…

I haven’t written anything in such a long time. I’m sorry, but I had to pay attention to what was going on. I’m in Oklahoma City now, called up a taxi and will soon be there.

My heart races as with every second, I get closer and closer to your house… to you. I shake my head; I need to stay calm and collected. I will not break down in front of you. By the way, the taxi is just outside your door, I’ve given him the $25 fee and he’s leaving.

A few deep breaths is what I do next, standing, waiting for me to regain my composure to make it all the way. My head has cleared and I think I’m ready now. Hopefully…

My hand knocks upon the heavy door, it’s much too late to go back if I could now… the door opens, it’s your parents. After an uncomfortable hello, I ask if you are home, they say you should be, but I quickly ask if I can come in. They allow me and then next I ask where your room is.

 The walk seems to be an eternity although the home is a ranch-style. Maybe it’s because my feet feel heavy and I kind of feel like I’m leaving foot prints in the carpet, though my shoes are off. I get to your door.

            Looking down at my feet, my little Halloween socks on, the purple and black stripes can be seen slightly from underneath my pant leg, since if you remember, I am very short. After taking a few more deep breaths and calming down, I place my hand on the door handle and slowly open it. Cautious to not make too much noise, I quietly allow myself in and shut the door.

            Your room looks just like it does on the web cam, everything just the same as the last time I saw your face before you ignored me to play World of Warcraft without inviting me to play with you. So I knew I could sneak in without you knowing, your back turned to the door.

            It takes me a couple moments to actually go through with what I have planned to do. I knew you’d be playing when I got there, I made sure you would by having Bobby distract you with raids or whatever he has done. I fan my face with my hands as I feel it getting hot; I know I’m going to make the first move, I have to.

            Slowly, I walk up behind you; I want you to be surprised. I could never surprise you before, it’s hard to keep a secret from you and this is the biggest of all, much bigger than shipping you home made cookies and fudge. “I can do this, I can do this.” I repeat to myself over and over as I finally make it to you.

            I place my head next to your shoulder and gently kiss your exposed neck while my hands move down the front of your chest. You gasp with complete utter surprise and question; hopefully you aren’t mad at me. Your first reaction is to grab my arm and turn around.

            Your hand, so much bigger than mine, grasps my arm as you look at me. I see your face getting red as you too are nervous that I’m here, finally after all these years. I look at you and bat my eyes twice, my hand kind of shaking.

            “Rebecca?” you finally manage to say as you break free from your shock.

            “Yes?” I answer back, biting my lower lip slightly. I only hope you will say what I want to hear, that you love me, that you want me… for you to get up and hug me.

            We could fall back upon the soft sheets of your bed, our lips meeting for the first time, “You are crazy. You are so crazy Rebecca!” you will tell me. I know I am of course, but it’ll be so wonderful to hear it from you, in such a happy way.

            I’ll break it softly to you that I will be leaving the next day, so that we should make the most of the time we have now. Your neck, lips, arms, hands and chest will be fully kissed and yearn my tender touch. We will snuggle in your bed, our bodies together at last, my breasts touching your skin. Hands sliding from place to place and sensual words will be said that have been said before.

            I break back into reality, still standing… your hand still gripping my arm, shock still across your face. I await for your answer, to either go back home or to stay with you and move up to the next level of this. Your silence is making me nervous.

            My eyes fill with tears, I can feel it. I quickly turn my head away. My hair gently floats and hides my face and fear. I can’t take this silence! Please, just say something…