Everything Happens For A Reason

Most of you have asked what was going on with Rob many times over the past few months. I was hesitant to give the full story, because I kept thinking that Rob would return to Gather and I didn't know how much he would want to reveal.

The day after his last post, Rob fell in his apartment and he was not able to get to a phone. I didn't get the idea anything was wrong for a few days. Rob had been moody of late and got mad at me when I caught him lying about hiding out in his apartment during Park Ave Fest, so I thought he was just ignoring me. I had a nagging feeling that something was wrong, but Rob could be stubborn. Finally, my instincts won out over concerns for Rob's privacy and I found him on the floor.

He was rushed to the emergency room by ambulance, but other than dehydration they found no injuries or major problems.  Rob was admitted to the hospital to get some fluids, get his blood pressure under control and make sure he was walking ok after the fall. At this point, we were expecting he would be a week or so  in the hospital.

During that first week in the hospital, it became apparent that the problem was worse that we thought. The doctors were concerned about Rob's level of depression and his refusal to do any physical therapy. After a couple weeks without success, we convinced Rob to go to a rehab facility for some more intensive therapy.

Unfortunately, Rob did not do any better while he was at the rehab and ended up back in the hospital after refusing to take any blood pressure meds for almost a week. This time the hospital doctors were deeply concerned about Rob's ability to make decisions about his welfare. After some consultations, they determined that as his health care proxy I would need to make medical decisions for Rob.

As the next couple weeks passed with no improvement in Rob's depression or physical therapy, it became less and less likely that Rob would be ready to go home before he would have to go into a long term care situation. I was deeply concerned that if that were to happen Rob would never be able to get back out on his own again.

At the same time, the doctors and I began to realize that Rob was having some difficulty with remembering and understanding concepts from day to day. Rob was good at hiding it unless you asked him to focus on something from one day to the next. They determined that it was due to the diabetes which Rob has struggled with for the last few years.

With Rob's potential for rehab slim, none of the rehab facilities were willing to give him a bed. Meanwhile, the hospital couldn't keep him because he wasn't acutely ill. With the help of a social work supervisor I managed to get Rob a rehab bed with the understanding that he would have to be re-evaluated in 30 days, with the potential to be placed in long term care.

Things were not looking good for Rob's chances of going home. His work with physical therapy was inconsistent and his memory issues seemed more and more evident. Although I didn't tell him, I was doubtful that he would get to go home. I was very worried about what this would do to Rob emotionally.

The last thing on my mind was that Rob would die. To say I was shocked when I got the call is an understatement. I feel numb and sick all at the same time. It made sense when they explained that his heart just gave out. His body had been through a lot and no matter how much we nagged him, Rob didn't help.

Despite my personal feelings, I know that this was probably better for Rob. He went through a lot in the past few years and I think he was tired of fighting. I know that he would not have wanted to live out his life in a nursing home. I can only hope that Rob is finally at peace. He didn't have a lot of it in his life.

Update: Later tonight I will be posting Rob's self written memorial. It is two pages long, hand-written single spaced so I couldn't post it in the newspaper. Besides, I figured his Gather friends would enjoy it more anyway.