by Chuck L.
Member since:
January 19, 2009

Genre Shorties Week 14: Cards & Guns

November 04, 2009 10:24 PM EST (Updated: November 04, 2009 10:48 PM EST)
views: 189 | comments: 36

Rattler quick, flashing hands, steel barrels flare, twin roaring guns... he stands - watching.

Treacle slow, trembling limbs, dust-covered steel, silent ugly guns... he falls - blindly.

Razor sharp, dealing hands, four aces holding, one winning hand... he called – smiling.

Slow to hold, playing hands, ace-high straight, one winning hand... he showed – deadpan.

Table flies, punching fists, a five-ace deck, two winning hands… they fought – desperate.

To the street, facing death, a cheater’s fate, two shooters dare… they drew – unseeable.

Desperation, facing ruin, he had to try, no chance in hell… he died – alone.

94 words

 

© 2009 - All Rights Reserved R C Larlham

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Comments: 36

Franklin Newman Nov 4, 2009, 10:48pm EST
Sad poem. But it is also a good one.
Chuck L. Nov 4, 2009, 10:50pm EST
yes... sad
Col. George W. Nov 4, 2009, 11:57pm EST
Huh, thought it was short STORIES week. Good poem though.
Gary (The Eclectic) Timothy Nov 5, 2009, 12:19am EST
It's a poem if he thinks it's poem. It's a short story if he thinks it's a short story. That's my guess anyway. :-)
Chuck L. Nov 5, 2009, 12:35am EST

Got it in one. I wrote it as a story... but it came out a poem.
Angel sent from God Secret Sisters Nov 5, 2009, 12:57am EST
Col
Does it really matter? Poems are a type of story!!
Col. George W. Nov 5, 2009, 1:11am EST
You misunderstand. I said I thought it was sTories. It is sHorties. two different things.
Elizabeth R. Nov 5, 2009, 12:05am EST
Very sad poem, Chuck, but an excellent write.
Guy W. Nov 5, 2009, 12:19am EST
spoken like a fan of Zane Grey
Chuck L. Nov 5, 2009, 12:36am EST
I'd read everything he wrote by the time I was about 15. But is this THAT derivative?
Guy W. Nov 5, 2009, 12:43am EST
Well, the picture of violent existence and anonymous death with blood-caked dust in a flash of temper and black powder, is certainly an image he conjures.
Guy W. Nov 5, 2009, 12:45am EST
. . . but I wouldn't call your writing derivative.
Annmarie B. Nov 5, 2009, 12:26am EST
It was a great writing Chuck. You never cease to amaze me.
Chuck L. Nov 5, 2009, 12:36am EST
Me too
Chuck L. Nov 5, 2009, 12:37am EST
The first four words were all I had for the longest time.
Annmarie B. Nov 5, 2009, 12:39am EST
Wow, I am still waiting for my sister to send me my story that it took me months to work on and she was going to edit it. I will post it as soon as I get it. How is Laura doing? Poor thing, I really feel bad for her.
Debbie W. Nov 5, 2009, 12:47am EST
Good write
Angel sent from God Secret Sisters Nov 5, 2009, 12:58am EST
Chuck,
Like always Great Write !! :D :D
Kay M. Nov 5, 2009, 12:58am EST
I really like this. You did a great job of building the suspense.
Sheila Deeth Nov 5, 2009, 1:31am EST
Cool. Very nicely done - great choice of form and words.
Adrian Eve Revenaugh Nov 5, 2009, 1:53am EST
You've had fun with this Chuck.

The Surreal Circus
Chuck L. Nov 5, 2009, 8:31am EST
Yeah, once it got going, I did.
BB Claudette Nov 5, 2009, 3:40am EST
I thought it was a comedy cowboy scene. But then it turned sad, so I felt bad for laughing.
Chuck L. Nov 5, 2009, 8:33am EST
No, you're not supposed to know where it's going until I tell you. I don't.
snap crackle pop!!!~ strong stuff good stuff~
Thanks for posting to GutterGirls~
Liz H. Nov 5, 2009, 1:56pm EST
Terrific, Chuck! I like the structure, 4 followed by two--strong rhythm for your story!
Sandre M. Nov 5, 2009, 4:15pm EST
This is great, Chuck. Reminds me of....last Wednesday....lol.
Angela A. Nov 5, 2009, 5:44pm EST
I could see the fight in my head.
Great descriptions.


MySpace Comments

Thanks for posting to my group, Anythingwriting
Chuck L. Nov 5, 2009, 6:32pm EST
I could see the fight in my head.

Yes!!! *fistpump*
James B. Nov 6, 2009, 12:56am EST
Nice work!
Tracy Fabre Nov 7, 2009, 3:55pm EST
Wow, very vivid stuff there.
Dorothy H. Nov 8, 2009, 7:49pm EST
Good write!
EDWINA (MISSIE) B. Nov 9, 2009, 7:23pm EST
very nice writting
Austin Cushing Nov 19, 2009, 8:38pm EST
This comment is to let you know that this content has reached at least ten comments, and as such has been removed from Comment Speedway! Congratulations!
Chas Andrews Nov 24, 2009, 2:57pm EST
well done

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