by ann c.
Member since:
January 12, 2007

Island Tale # 43 WWTD or What Would Tracy Do

November 03, 2009 05:30 PM EST
views: 224 | comments: 102

Tracy Fabre, beloved Governor of Gather Island, is off island at an Island Governor's Conference, or so she says. She has left her co-lieutenant governors, Lance and Doug in charge while she is gone.

Each comment MUST include at least one of these four words, What, Would, Tracy, Do.

 

We go to 100 and the 100th comment should include the phrase, "And that's what Tracy did."

 

When you get to the end of the second line
in your comment box, stop typing. STOP TYPING.
STOP TYPING.


For a look at previous tales, click here.

For a list of PLACES on the Island, click HERE.

Click here for a Tale with the most recent CAST LIST.

*******  ALL ARE WELCOME to participate *******

Remember -- REFRESH often, and don't be offended if your comment is removed because it either doesn't fit the previous comment (whatever that is), or simultaneous comments were entered and one works better than yours.  We have all deleted our own comments at one time or another.

Oh, and join Gather Island too!

P.P.S. PLEEEEASE DO NOT 'REPLY TO COMMENT'. Just do reg'lar, old-fashioned comments.   [Exception: to correct a comment, do reply to the comment before yours.]

 


 

 

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Comments: 102

ann c. Nov 3, 2009, 5:32pm EST
Lance and Doug sat in the governor's office wondering what would happen next. Earlier in the day a boat load of tourists had landed and demanded to speak to the Governor, who was
holding the Jolly Roger over his head. Doug furrowed his brow and said, "That's not what I would have thought would happen next." The Governor knew the Jolly Roger was a sign from the boat load of tourists that Tracy
ann c. Nov 3, 2009, 5:57pm EST
had given them the flag to use if they had nothing else to wave. As Doug was spinning in Tracy's chair trying to keep Lance from sitting in it, the phone rang. "Who would be calling us
Chelle M. Nov 3, 2009, 6:35pm EST
here?" He wondered aloud, not even thinking that perhaps the call was for Tracy, seeing as how they were in Tracy's office and chair. He started to answer the phone when
ann c. Nov 3, 2009, 6:39pm EST
Lance said, "It's my turn to be Governor, and I say we don't answer it." "Too late," Doug said as he grabbed the receiver. It was Vivian calling from the Bar, Lounge and Car Wash, she
was wondering what Tracy would be drinking just now. "We all miss her, but surely you can get through the evening without knowing that?" Doug whined. Lance made a grab for the phone, but Doug bopped him with
JOHN BECK Nov 3, 2009, 9:42pm EST
the plantain which he had mistaken for a banana until he tasted it. "I thought only bananas grew on Gather Island," Lance moaned as he picked pieces of plantain out of his hair and off of Tracey's desk. They could hear Vivian on the phone hollering
Tracy Fabre Nov 3, 2009, 10:20pm EST
and hooting, not in a scary way, but in a gentle owly sort of way, almost soothing. "Just knock on the door and tell them you're the egg man," Vivian shouted, and hung up while Doug was saying "Do you
JOHN BECK Nov 3, 2009, 10:26pm EST
Do? Dew? Doo-doo? mocked Doug, while Lance would gather wood for a signal fire. "What good is that going to do, do, do? said Doug. Lance, glancing over his sunburned shoulder, replied
Mustafa Demiri Nov 3, 2009, 11:09pm EST
"Well, first of all, it'll provide smoke for signalling... And secondly, I've been feeling the need to connect with the raw and primitive side of life... And once I've reduced the building we're standing in to ashes, I'll have brought us a step closer to what our ancestor would call..."

Tracy Fabre Nov 3, 2009, 11:11pm EST
world domination." Doug yelled, "Well, THAT'S not what Tracy would do!" To which Lance bellowed back, "When have I ever cared what Tracy would do?" So Doug kicked him in the
JOHN BECK Nov 3, 2009, 11:51pm EST
nstant after Lance opened his mouth. "Ouch! You hurt my feelngs," complained Lance. "Exactly what did Vivian want, anyway? And what do you propose to do about
Susan G. Nov 4, 2009, 12:46am EST
Susan, who is marching towards us under a full head of steam! What she will do to us is bound to be worse than anything that Tracy would. I suggest that we
ann c. Nov 4, 2009, 10:05am EST
slip out the back way." Doug and Lance ran for the back door only to find there was no back door so they hid under the Governor's desk which would offer a little cover. Susan threw open
Susan G. Nov 4, 2009, 11:06am EST
the door and stomped in, muttering dire threats about what she would do to anyone daring to defile Tracy's office. She had to smother a smirk at the two trembling backsides sticking out from under
Doug H. Nov 4, 2009, 12:53pm EST
the desk. Realizing their cover had been blown, Doug and Lance stood up and dusted themselves off. "Defile the office?" Lance said. "I would never do that. You must have
ann c. Nov 4, 2009, 2:25pm EST
misunderstood our intentions. We have great respect for Tracy and her position as Governor." The phone rang again. Lance grabbed it and said, "Governor's office, may I help
Robert - just a simple man - B. Nov 4, 2009, 3:41pm EST
"You?", "Yes", replied a gruff but rather young voice, "we're from the college, we have that horse that somebody wanted to put in the governor's office".

Lance, under the erotic harsh stare of Susan, had to think quick, "What? Oh, that horse, that horse was supposed to be delivered to...
Tracy Fabre Nov 4, 2009, 5:14pm EST
Mr. Roarke's villa. We only wanted the...uh... wooden rocking chair... yeah, that's the ticket... that's what we would have...ummm...I'll shut up now." Susan said dryly, "That's what Tracy would do. Now, can we
ann c. Nov 4, 2009, 6:53pm EST
all go to Vivian's and help her with her problem. THAT'S what Tracy would do, help out a friend." They all left the office and walked down the beach to the Bar, Lounge and Car Wash where they found
Susan G. Nov 4, 2009, 7:36pm EST
an impromptu Tracy Act-Alike Contest underway. Susan strode to the front and with an imperious wave of her hand, commanded silence. Someone in the crowd nervously cackled when
Tracy Fabre Nov 4, 2009, 8:41pm EST
...Doug knocked on the kitchen door and told them he was the egg man, but then there was silence. Susan inquired of the group, "Would one of you do
Mustafa Demiri Nov 4, 2009, 9:26pm EST
the counter signs with Doug?" Peter stood up raising his hand, "Oooh! Me! Me!" and ran quickly to the door and said, "I am the walrus... and did you bring the oysters?"
Doug responded with, " Let's do speak of other things, like birds and boots and sealing wax..." Peter continued, " and spicy chicken wings..."
Tracy Fabre Nov 4, 2009, 11:16pm EST
... and whether the sea is filled with jam, and Richard Nixon sings." Doug would have made the obvious response about nom de plumes and ear wigs but there was a commotion over at the
Doug H. Nov 5, 2009, 8:58am EST
beach, because the sea had become boiling hot. But it cooled off quickly, and everyone resumed doing what they'd intended to do. Doug said, "Eggie-weggies! I just love
ann c. Nov 5, 2009, 5:44pm EST
them!" Susan shrugged her shoulders and took a seat at a table near the front door. She had given up on trying to establish some sort of order with this crowd. The Tracy Act-Alike contest
Mustafa Demiri Nov 5, 2009, 7:13pm EST
... was now in full swing and as chaotic as a Tracy Act-Alike contest ought to be... Rich Little was dressed in a white suit and was serving as the MC. He announced the first contestant, using his Carol Channing impression, "... Mishter Peter Shwanshong, Everybody!... "
Doug H. Nov 5, 2009, 9:02pm EST
Lesh gish dish sheoh on da road!" The first contestant was a young man by the name of David Sedaris. He quickly snubbed out his cigarette and stepped up to do his Tracy. "I am the nicest
Tracy Fabre Nov 5, 2009, 9:59pm EST
... but for the purposes of this contest, I have to stop that crap and be more like Tracy." The audience laughed and agreed, and he went on to speak in parenthetical comments, just as
Lance L. Nov 5, 2009, 11:03pm EST
many tribesmen of the Congo would do. Especially those located in the area juxtaposed between the foothills and the jungle. In short, the Whatracy tribe of (Boogo (Bogo)), a semi-nomadic band that . .
Mustafa Demiri Nov 6, 2009, 12:03am EST
... worships Tracy as their goddess of quips and gambols, and who, in their robust mythologies, is thought to take on many forms, such as that of a Snail; or, at times a giant Eye, or even a knucker-wife, if it so pleased her...
Doug H. Nov 6, 2009, 8:51am EST
And since everyone had been musing about Tracy's African connections, they didn't hear the rest of Mr. Sedaris' Tracy imitation. Looking confused, Mr. Sedaris walked off-stage to complete silence.
Tracy Fabre Nov 6, 2009, 9:14am EST
As a lone voice from the crowd shouted, "Me talk pretty one day!", Rich Little downed a 32-ounce pina colada. Ann stood up (a gleam in her eye) to do her Tracy imitation. She thought Tracy was bossy and pushy, so she
Doug H. Nov 6, 2009, 9:53am EST
grabbed a guy in the audience by his shirt front and screamed into his face. "Do you know how hard I work to cover up your stinking mistakes!? Why, I oughtta
ann c. Nov 6, 2009, 9:57am EST
fire you?" The audience meter went off the scales! Apparently Ann's imitation of Tracy was the best so far. To the audience further amazement Ann grabbed a bowl of cheesy grits and
Tracy Fabre Nov 6, 2009, 11:01am EST
devoured them, declaring them the most wonderful food EVAR and fighting off Doug's attempt to turn them into gritsburgers while she was still eating. (Ann secretly liked them but would never say so.) Peter bellowed
Doug H. Nov 6, 2009, 11:48am EST
"No food on stage! It's against the rules!" Ann, still doing her amazing Tracy, tossed the bowl aside and grabbed Peter by both ears. "Do you think I'm gonna let some little
Tracy Fabre Nov 6, 2009, 3:09pm EST
Minneapolis Punk tell me what to do?" He shrieked like a little girl and that's when everyone realized Ann had some serious issues re: Tracy. "Hmmm," Doug said thoughtfully, "we need
Lance L. Nov 6, 2009, 3:14pm EST
. . . . , but Doug never finished his thought. He and the others in the room had become distracted by the badger that had lapped up the spilled grits and was admiring the way the bowl looked over its private parts. Ann furious at being upstaged by the woodland mammal, grabbed it, shook it and threw it into the crowd screaming . . .
ann c. Nov 6, 2009, 3:18pm EST
Vivian immediately rushed forward and waved a photo of Antonio Banderas in front of Ann's face thus calming her down. Vivian escorted Ann to the kitchen where Ann had a glass of water and rested. Meanwhile Susan
Tracy Fabre Nov 6, 2009, 3:22pm EST
-- who was very sad that someone had to delete her comment of "Badgers? BADGERS? We doan need no stinkin' badgers!!! -- rescued the badger from
Lance L. Nov 6, 2009, 3:46pm EST
the gentleman whose neck it was tearing into. "You are a very bad man!" Susan said harshly. "This badgers is on a restricted diet and your neck is not on that list!!" "Come Mandingo! Leave that terrible man's finger tips alone. "
ann c. Nov 6, 2009, 3:54pm EST
Suddenly the jukebox began to play, "She's a rebel and she's never ever done what she should". This was clearly a response to Tracy's rebellion about badgers, though no one knew Tracy was rebelling cause she is suppose to still be at the Governor's Conference somewhere other than Gather Island. Behind the bar Rico
Tracy Fabre Nov 6, 2009, 4:02pm EST
pirouetted lazily and dreamed of a career in ballet, until he was summoned to take the first aid kit over to do fingertip repair. Susan carried the badger out onto the beach, where she
Lance L. Nov 6, 2009, 4:08pm EST
handed it to a waiting and rotting Tattoo. "The usual, plus $20 on the baby crocs." Tattoo groaned and flaked in compliance. Susan turned, to return to the Tracy look a like contest . . .
when a Big Butter and Egg Man from the West dressed in a Louis Armstrong costume snatched the badger and gave it an injection from a large syringe he produced from the bell of his
Tracy Fabre Nov 6, 2009, 4:54pm EST
largest green pepper, which dangled as a pendant from the gold chain around his neck. Tattoo, who in fact sported a tattoo reading "Lance", went back to his grave peacefully, and the badger
ann c. Nov 6, 2009, 5:37pm EST
fell to the sand as if asleep. The Man in the Louis Armstrong costume ran down the beach and hid behind a large palm tree. Susan reached over to pick up the badger but it transformed into a huge
Tracy Fabre Nov 6, 2009, 5:40pm EST
blimp and floated out of her grasp. "I hate when that happens," she complained. "What would it hurt for just one badger to stay in badger shape while I
ann c. Nov 6, 2009, 5:54pm EST
change myself into something else? I wonder what Tracy would do if I became a Giant African Snail." Susan decided to just go home and leave the badgering to those who wanted to
Tracy Fabre Nov 6, 2009, 6:02pm EST
exercise their badgering rights. When she got to her villa, she worked on her secret stuff quietly, sipping tea, until Lance knocked on her door. "Miz Thereness?" he asked unusually politely, "Would you
ann c. Nov 6, 2009, 6:13pm EST
could I come in and speak to you, please?" Susan could not imagine what Lance would need to talk to her about and so she said, "Of course, come in." Lance opened the door and stepped inside only to find
Tracy Fabre Nov 6, 2009, 6:22pm EST
it pitch black, since Susan would not let anyone see her secret stuff. He stumbled, and she promptly put a bag over his head and led him to a chair. "Sorry for the secrecy. Now, how can I
Susan G. Nov 6, 2009, 8:03pm EST
make you stay right here while I stash my secret stuff and change into my wrasslin' costume, hunh? That IS why you're here, isn't it? For our wrassling match? How's about I just tie you up with this here
Tracy Fabre Nov 6, 2009, 9:02pm EST
ball of yarn -- blue, nat'rlly -- and let you sit heah like a--" But Lance would have none of that; he leapt up and tried to do Wrasslin' Move #122 on her, never a good idea, and they
Doug H. Nov 6, 2009, 9:58pm EST
stumbled into Baxter Black, The Cowboy Poet, who twirled his Yosemite Sam mustache and chuckled in surprise at seeing Susan in a skin tight leotard. "What in the Sam Hill is you two
Mustafa Demiri Nov 6, 2009, 11:25pm EST
a playin' at?... You call that wrasslin?", he rolled up his sleeves, "Now do step aside, son, and I'll show ya some moves I larned from the great Mister Andee Kaufman himself in the fine art of Wimen wrasslin!"
Susan G. Nov 7, 2009, 3:11am EST
But what Baxter didn't know was that Susan's grandfather was an aficionado of wrasslin' on the TV back in the late fifties and early sixties. Susan recollected a Dick the Bruiser move that
he used successfully on Sweet Daddy Siki and Karl von Hess many times. The veterinary versifier found himself supine with his shoulder blades in firm contact with the sand for 3 seconds
Tracy Fabre Nov 7, 2009, 12:03pm EST
until Susan said in horror, "I DO apologize for the sand on my floor! Hang on while I sweep that up," and she rushed away to fetch a broom. Baxter and Lance eyed each other suspiciously, and
Susan G. Nov 7, 2009, 2:13pm EST
silently accused the other of having tracked in the sand. Baxter finally said "You know, none o' them wimen wrasslers what lost to Andy Kaufman can touch Susan for sheer size and elegance. She would
Tracy Fabre Nov 7, 2009, 2:20pm EST
have skeert him just with a glare." Lance agreed this was more than true, and both stood respectfully when Susan returned with an elegant blue dust-vac to remove the offending sand. "Do you
Susan G. Nov 7, 2009, 2:42pm EST
mind?" Susan asked "You're standing in the dirt." Lance jumped for fear that if he didn't do exactly as she asked, Susan would put him in a headlock. Baxter excused himself and
Tracy Fabre Nov 7, 2009, 2:50pm EST
returned to his own timeline, and after Susan restored order to her villa, she turned her attention back to Lance. "So. Shall we rumble?" Lance was nonplussed, until he saw the
Doug H. Nov 7, 2009, 11:43pm EST
patented SUPER STRENGTH PILL that Baxter had left on a table to his right. "Would it be cheating if I swallowed this pill before engaging Susan in physical combat?" he asked himself.
Tracy Fabre Nov 8, 2009, 1:46pm EST
"I mean," he went on, "would it be cheating if I took it and she found out?" He suddenly pointed to the ceiling. "Look! A dillywhacker!" and while Susan was distracted, he grabbed
Mustafa Demiri Nov 8, 2009, 5:33pm EST
for the pill, but as lifted it off the table with trembling hands, he heard Susan say, "You better have some quick hands, and some easy access to your hind quarters... That there is a SSSS, a Suppository Source of Superhuman Strength!"... Lance winced and...
Tracy Fabre Nov 8, 2009, 10:17pm EST
weighed his options.. and his arm length... and the glare Susan was giving him... and opted to run like hell. However, as fate would have it, Susan in leotards was quicker than
Lance L. Nov 9, 2009, 3:26pm EST
an over sized African snail, but not nearly as slimey. Having honestly participated in many a surf meet, Lance had no idea why he was holding "the pill" or why he would want to. The sudden realization made his hand jerk and the pill flicked out through the window into the crack of sunbathing Hamm's bear. "You!" He pointed at Susan "Where secretizing me to ruin my rep. Not cool duddette." Realizing he had overstayed his welcome both in the hut and in the comment box, Lance . . .
Susan G. Nov 9, 2009, 3:39pm EST
tripped on his lip on the way out. Susan helped him up and asked him if he was tripping in other ways, too. "You're the one who challenged me, Bub!" Lance hung his head and
Lance L. Nov 9, 2009, 3:53pm EST
eyed Susan's foot wear. "Sure, but I would never cheat! I've never found the need and never will. If you want to wrassle that's fine, but keep it on the up and up. Maybe you didn't put the pill there, but you tried to get me to take it with your secretalizing powers." He paused for a second. "Didn't you? Nice shoes by the way."
Doug H. Nov 9, 2009, 4:16pm EST
"Oh, do stop trying to butter me up," Susan said and paused for effect. Everyone in the room used the time to picture Susan in buttery leotards. Susan used the distraction to
Tracy Fabre Nov 9, 2009, 4:28pm EST
serve scones, with strawberry jam and clotted cream on the side, which was a nice little snack after a hard day of not wrestling. Lance downed the last of his tea and said, "So, are we gonna rumble, or
Doug H. Nov 9, 2009, 4:45pm EST
just do the Cowbell Skit from SNL?" As if on queue, Rico popped up from behind the bar wearing a belly button baring T-shirt and holding a cow bell and drumstick. The jukebox started playing
Tracy Fabre Nov 9, 2009, 5:07pm EST
Quando Quando Quando, and while Susan was asking how the bar and jukebox got into her villa, Lance was drawn inexorably into the need to swaaaaay. Rico hit the cowbell, and Manerva mooed up to the nearest open window, causing
ann c. Nov 9, 2009, 5:19pm EST
everyone in the villa to disappear and magically re-appear at Vivan's bar where several cowboys were meandering about and scaring up the barstools with their spurs. Rico quickly readjusted his T-shirt and slipped into the kitchen where he found Peter knee-deep in
Tracy Fabre Nov 9, 2009, 5:45pm EST
Gather posts and photos. "I can't stop posting!" he shrieked. Rico quickly closed the door and returned to the bar area with his cowbell. Susan asked Lance, "Do you really like my shoes? I got them at
ann c. Nov 9, 2009, 6:31pm EST
Laela's, and I got a sarong to match!" Lance grabbed the nearest bowl of salsa and chips and began eating to avoid Susan's question, but she persisted. He took a drink of water and said, "Well,
Tracy Fabre Nov 9, 2009, 6:39pm EST
uh, yeah, sure, those are nice. They match your leotard, too." Susan was horrified to realize she still had on her wrasslin' tights, but at least she'd left the silver embroidered cape at home. She hurried out, all pink, as Laela sauntered in
ann c. Nov 9, 2009, 6:43pm EST
looking all fit and tan from her recent vacation and wearing a most fetching gold lame' sarong. Lance took one look at her and fell out of his chair. Laela walked over to the jukebox and
Tracy Fabre Nov 9, 2009, 6:54pm EST
selected When I'm Calling You (Hoo Hoo Hoo, Hoo Hoo Hoo), then turned to give Lance a sultry look or two. Once he picked himself up off the floor, he staggered over to her, and she
Doug H. Nov 9, 2009, 9:46pm EST
handed him a drink. "What is this?" asked Lance. "I call it an antifreezarita," said Laela, bumping hips with her slack-jawed prey. "What do you care? Drink up, big boy. Once you're nice and loose
Mustafa Demiri Nov 9, 2009, 10:48pm EST
Laela's gonna make feel glad that you been born a man! " she spoke of herself in the third person, along with her newly adopted Cajun accent, and the dulcet yodeling voice of Slim Whitman in the background, the mood was one of...
Doug H. Nov 9, 2009, 11:46pm EST
tentative seduction. The next song on the playlist was "What Am I Gonna Do With You" by Barry White. Laela grabbed the scruff of Lance's neck in her right hand and her left hand took hold of
Susan G. Nov 10, 2009, 8:42am EST
the antifreezarita which she decided to drink. "Name your own poison!" she trilled. Lance shrugged off her right hand. He had had enough of being so easily manhandled by the womenfolk of
Doug H. Nov 10, 2009, 9:16am EST
his dreams. The potent cocktail hit Laela hard and she sat down abruptly with stars circling her head. "Would you like another drink?" asked Rico as he idly dinked his cowbell.
ann c. Nov 10, 2009, 10:04am EST
Vivian appeared beside Laela and said, "No more for her. I'm taking her in the kitchen for coffee." Vivian thought that was what Tracy would do if she were here and plus by thinking that it gets us back on track with the instructions for this Tale. Rico looked at Lance and
Susan G. Nov 10, 2009, 10:43am EST
said "Well, Laela seemed unaffected by my cowbell, but Manerva was definitely mooved." Lance groaned and mooved away as quickly as he could. Tracy would have
Doug H. Nov 10, 2009, 10:51am EST
delivered a snappy comeback, but the pun was so obnoxious that Lance had difficulty focusing his thoughts. "Would you just fix me a tall Killer Shrew, Rico?" Lance said from a distance.
Susan G. Nov 10, 2009, 11:07am EST
Rico answered "Susan already left and, besides, she doesn't need any fixing." Lance decided that it was time to go home. Tracy would have told him to go home if she had
Doug H. Nov 10, 2009, 11:43am EST
been available to do so. Doug strolled out of the kitchen carrying a steaming platter of gritsburger sliders with a bowl of jalapeño stuffed olives in the center. He set it on the bar and said
Tracy Fabre Nov 10, 2009, 12:38pm EST
"Anyone up for culinary adventure?" He knew Tracy would try the gritsburgers but reject the jalapeños, but what of the others? Was anyone brave enough to embrace the
Doug H. Nov 10, 2009, 12:56pm EST
madness? Rico snapped up one of the sliders and popped it into his mouth, just as Tracy would do. He closed his eyes and chewed slowly. "Mmmm! Mmmm! Nom! Nom! Nom!"
Susan G. Nov 10, 2009, 1:19pm EST
If Susan had still been there, she would have passed on the gritsburgers, but would have eaten the jalapeno stuffed olives as long as they were green olives and not black because black olives are just bleh.
Doug H. Nov 10, 2009, 1:26pm EST
Vivian decided to try one of the jalapeño stuffed olives, but it turned out the jar had been mislabeled--they were actually habañero stuffed olives. Her face turned as red as Tracy's favorite
Tracy Fabre Nov 10, 2009, 1:44pm EST
home-grown 'maters, and actual smoke came out of her ears. "Why would you set me on fire?" she wailed. "Why would you be so cruel? Would Tracy have done that? Would she?" Laela, still drunk, slurred,
Doug H. Nov 10, 2009, 2:15pm EST
"Gimme one of them sliders, would ya?" Doug looked confused. He put an olive into his mouth and chewed tentatively. His face turned red and his eyes filled with tears. "Wow, these are
Susan G. Nov 10, 2009, 2:58pm EST
mighty tasty! I love food that makes me sweat! Here you go, Laela, have some olives with that slider--they'll sober you up right quick. I know that's what Tracy would want
Doug H. Nov 10, 2009, 3:02pm EST
Suddenly, Tracy herself burst into the room. "I hear that my name has been bandied about like some stinking catch phrase!" Laela smiled and her eyes glazed over. "Hi, Tracy!" she said.