Trying

I'm trying to keep my wits about me. I'm trying hard not to cry. I don't like wallowing in misery and always try to see the bright side of things. However......

David's dad called last night. My MIL is in the hospital again, she won't be coming home .... ever. From the hospital she will go to a nursing facility. The cancer has taken over almost completely now. FIL says that she sleeps mostly because of the pain medication they have her on. David wants so much to see her again. But she wants her children and grandchildren to remember from the aniversary party.

I am so emotional right now and have several tests coming up this week. I'm trying to keep my mind on my work but it's hard... so very hard.

I have a very hard time holding my emotions in and thankfully David is still in bed and can't watch me cry... again.

MIL called a couple of weeks again when and told David that she wanted no funeral. No memorial service. She didn't want her children seeing her .....

We need to talk to our priest soon about a mass for her when the time comes. This is so painful.

Comments: 23

Shirley ♡ ☮ M. Nov 2, 2009, 7:56am EST

I'm sorry to hear that. I know you and your husband must be suffering. (((Hugs))) Your MIL and family are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.

Sandra H. Nov 2, 2009, 7:58am EST

I am so sorry to hear that your MIL is back in the hospital and will not be going back home. It's a terrible disease to deal with, I went through something similiar with my dad but he never made it out of the hospital. It is so hard to see a loved one go through this. I shall keep all of you in my prayers.....take care!

MrsRoad Runner Nov 2, 2009, 8:04am EST

You got to let it out!!
Holding it in is not doing your health any good. So what if people see!
I am sorry for what the family and you are going through, please understand her feelings, wants.
Death as in life, it is never easy.

The photograph of her is beautiful! Lets remember her like this, happy.
Wish you well k

DIANE D. Nov 2, 2009, 8:12am EST

Yes, this is the best way~God Bless~

donna h. Nov 2, 2009, 8:15am EST

I am so sorry about this....hugs

Renda B~surviving the storm by dancing in the rain. Nov 2, 2009, 8:19am EST

I never feel like there are right words to say about something like this. Just know I'm sending positive thoughts and virtual hugs to all of you. The photo is beautiful.

JOHN BECK Nov 2, 2009, 8:22am EST

Add my hugs, Nancy.

Spencer T. Nov 2, 2009, 8:24am EST

Always a sad and painful time. Been there myself. Prayers are targeted now.

Marianne R. Nov 2, 2009, 8:36am EST

Very sorry to hear this.

Gul Dixon Nov 2, 2009, 8:52am EST

She looks like a very delightful lady. I am so sorry Nancy. The end of life is always very hard on the loved ones. I understand her sentiments too. She wants to be remembered as she was in this photograph. Who can blame her? No one wants to be remembered all drugged up and fighting desperately for life. I hope you will be OK with that. Take care.

flit . Nov 2, 2009, 9:06am EST

I'm sorry... losing someone you love is never easy

Len Maxwell Nov 2, 2009, 9:09am EST

As we get older it happens more often to our loved ones and there’s just nothing we can do about it -- and it never gets easier. My prayers are with you and your family.

J F. Nov 2, 2009, 9:25am EST

I'm so sorry to hear that.

Stacey *Mamasaid* D. Nov 2, 2009, 9:43am EST

Nancy, I'm so sorry to hear this and she looks like a lovely lady. My prayers are with you and your family. Sending ((hugs)) to soothe your tears.

Barbara H. Nov 2, 2009, 11:00am EST

I am "feeling right with you" and tears are meant to fall. They release all the hurt and frustration. And David knows you care so much and knows how you feel.
Your MIL is exhausted and it is her wish to have you remember her in a happier time. It may seem wrong but it is her way of saying farewell and telling you she is ready to go home. Funerals and ceremonies are for family and loved ones remaining and a place for friends to give their sympathies and honor her memory. Shaking hands, hugging and sharing stories help the ones remaining. We had a memorial service for my Dad (he died in exactly the same situation you MIL is in now) and I wrote a memorial for the pastor to read at the church. It was a tribute in love for him and everybody thought of their own relationship with him as it was read. Maybe you could do the same.
Love Barb

Barbara H. Nov 2, 2009, 11:05am EST

If david wants to see his Mom then he should go to the hospital or home she will be taken to and have his time with his Dad and her. It would certainly be a comfort for your father. You could still have a memorial service at some point.
I don't think she would keep her children from being comforted being with your dad she is just trying to make things easier for everybody. but dad still needs his son and kids around him.

vivi emerson Nov 2, 2009, 5:05pm EST

My condolences and prayers for you and your family. I love the picture. What a happy shot.

Chris *Some call me Luna Nov 2, 2009, 6:27pm EST

Darling, my thoughts and prayers are with you, David and his family. and she shall have her own little candle tonight. Will you email me her name so I can put some intent behind it?

I love you.

Nancy * ♥ Self-Proclaimed Site Tigger ♥ Nov 2, 2009, 8:49pm EST

I love you too.... thank you sisterlove

Amber C. Nov 2, 2009, 6:48pm EST

I don't know what to say, but I'm praying for all of you.

Risa G. Nov 3, 2009, 4:23pm EST

How very sad.

jeni e. Nov 3, 2009, 4:56pm EST

When my maternal grandmother died my mom got us all together and we made a photo album in honor of her. It was alot of fun. There was no rhyme or reason to it at all. We got to do what ever we wanted to do, put photos in any order, and it came out a wonderful 'we love you granny' album. (she died of cancer) Don't let cancer get the last word, take your MIL out for a spin in a family album just for her. :)

Loretta E. Nov 22, 2009, 11:52am EST

Nancy, I'm so sorry to hear this and she looks like a lovely lady. My prayers are with you and your family.

Comments: 23

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