by Ed Williams
Member since:
September 14, 2008

I’m Drunk As A Juliette Skunk After Drinkin’ All Night, But I Can Still Write A Passable Article!

November 01, 2009 05:26 AM EST (Updated: November 01, 2009 04:19 PM EST)
views: 567 | rating: 10/10 (20 votes) | comments: 173

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Comments: 173

Debbie W. Nov 1, 2009, 5:33am EST
LOL I loved it!
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 5:35am EST
I've never put this kinda effort into my work before, Debbie!

Smoochies,

E3
Hi,
Oh, I see. My Dad was generally drunk, so I think I just read this. Did you have to use all of those cuss words? So, you're drunk as a skunk, make lots of coffee. On second thought, just chew the grounds -- then you'll be a really awake drunk.

You're going to love this hangover :)
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 5:39am EST
What hangover? If I just stay drunk won't I maintain my current equilibrium?

Smoochies,

E3
Y'know, if you go to that hot buffalo wings place, I bet you sober up in a hurry. Just a thought.
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 5:39am EST
It'd be easier just to pour gasoline on my heiny and light a match.....

E3
''The One & Only BERF" .. Nov 1, 2009, 5:58am EST
Hey, whatta ya mean "bgtktyn5nhj5n5fod]d;45jk5’;y45mljt[igf]=k54;5jpnmtligf0"???

I am so 5’;y45mljt[igf]= offended!!!!!!
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 6:05am EST
dfkljrr dskf 4rijs 404234396-0409it6y04o53i545545!!!!!!!!

E3
''The One & Only BERF" .. Nov 1, 2009, 6:09am EST
Them's...Ah say....Them's fightin' words......
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 6:13am EST
Say noowwwww, that widow hen has a cozy little roost. Maybe, ah say, maybe I been a bachelor for toooo long!

E3
Agree with BERF, he's cussing at us all! Take this! *(&&^%)((*&^%HJKGGgfff
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 6:21am EST
Marilyn, I er=2 ajld;r aldjfjldk 4395jk4 dkaj!

E3
"
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 5:39am EST
It'd be easier just to pour gasoline on my heiny and light a match.....

E3"

Hell, you won't have to, alcohol and buffalo wings, those hot ones? You'll explode!
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 6:22am EST
Really, I already have. Ed did explode, I'm just ghostwriting articles for him now in his memory. Please welcome me here, my name is Jed Williams.....

JW
''The One & Only BERF" .. Nov 1, 2009, 6:23am EST
Somebody call Dan Brown.....I think Ed's on to something........

(..........or should that be "Ed's on something"??)
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 6:24am EST
What is it?

E3
ON something :)
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 6:34am EST
I'm still using the fire extinguisher on my heiny, I went out and did what you said re those hot wings, when will I ever learn?

E3
Roger B. Nov 1, 2009, 6:36am EST
So long as you stayed away from the tacos..........

-R.
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 6:38am EST
Rog, recovering from a Blue Stout induced drunk is easy, and as soon as I can remember the rest of what I was going to say here I'll tell you!

E3
Roger B. Nov 1, 2009, 6:48am EST
LOL........I applaud your taste in beer.

R.
Elizabeth O. Nov 1, 2009, 6:42am EST
I do declare, this one is your best yet....
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 6:44am EST
I'll have to brag on myself a bit, when I get serious and really get after it I can turn out some decent work......

Smoochies,

E3
Elizabeth O. Nov 1, 2009, 6:48am EST
I have no doubt that once you put your mind to something, its done and done well.

Smoochies back,
Bethie
Roger B. Nov 1, 2009, 6:51am EST
I know, you burned out your "spell check" huh?

-R.
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 6:57am EST
Well, actually the brain burned out first, then the spell check....

E3
APE 131313 Nov 1, 2009, 6:56am EST
I am sending greasy home fries and 3 eggs sunny side u(R)p and some clamato juice.........EAT before you go to sleep or pay later! LOL
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 6:58am EST
APE, I can dig all of that but that clamato juice, I'm suddenly wanting to grab my crotch and make Michael Jackson type "whoooo" noises when I think of it!

E3
Matthew A. Nov 1, 2009, 6:59am EST
Oh man, I know just watcha mean cause hfsghy nbhtrddv vg jauegr nshrifbr. I've said it a thousand times before. Lol...great article!
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 7:03am EST
Yeah, and 44jklfaj;lkdfk it all, sometimes 44szlj lk;lerl;w andjee!

E3
Esther IS Flesh and Blood S. Nov 1, 2009, 7:00am EST
ija'pe[ag'amc/ ;a'[e[bk ;deopkgk,b
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 7:04am EST
Esther, I've held this in for the longest time, but I always have wanted to tell you just how 2dslajtr3e you are, how 73yhelaj you are, and how I've always wanted to harllt;awnem you!

5ghfies,

E3
Esther IS Flesh and Blood S. Nov 1, 2009, 8:11am EST
Well by golly don't hold it in any longer and please let me know how to decipher the code in order to know what it is that you have been holding in for the longest time...
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 8:17am EST
If I do I'll get arrested and you'll hit me! And on top of that, 3544ahnd dsamt alejaejkmema mtee!

E3
APE 131313 Nov 1, 2009, 4:43pm EST
Get a ROOM!! LOL
K D. Nov 2, 2009, 5:49pm EST
HA HA HA!!!
Angel sent from God Secret Sisters Nov 21, 2009, 7:53pm EST
Esther
Did nt Ed say he was never going to let this out about this 3 some???
Just like a man lies all the time!!! lol
Katharyne T. Nov 1, 2009, 7:04am EST
awww poor baby.. You need to go back to bed : )
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 7:05am EST
Katharyne, i like you, give me more sympathy please......

Grateful smoochies,

E3
david f. Nov 1, 2009, 7:15am EST
i know exactly what you're talking about.
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 7:32am EST
Ejrejaing exactly!

E3
Pam Eccles Nov 1, 2009, 7:32am EST
What great work ED! hahaha........thanks for sharing it with us!!!!
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 7:37am EST
Pam, I try not to literarily "show out," but sometimes my ego just gets the best of me and voila, an insightful work like this one!

Smoochies,

E3
Traci M Nov 1, 2009, 7:35am EST
Stattlich, Ich habe etwas, das Ihren Kater regelt. Möchten vorbeikommen und es versuchen?

küßt Liebling
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 7:38am EST
Ddcoale anbeio aleiaa uyranwghn dihantne meriaeia mit Fizzies!

E3
Traci M Nov 1, 2009, 7:48am EST
Grilled brats last night and I ate to many. Haben Sie einfach Angst, sehr ängstlich, weil ich zurück bin und ich nach Ihnen bin!
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 8:02am EST
Are you usin' a fern language on me here?

E3
Esther IS Flesh and Blood S. Nov 1, 2009, 8:10am EST
It's german and it seems that Traci ate one too many bratwurst last night and wanted to let you know how she was feeling this morning... ;p
Traci M Nov 1, 2009, 8:13am EST
Yes I am and you should be blushing.
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 8:16am EST
Esther, I didn't know you were multi-lingual! And Traci, you're not alone in the overindulgence department this morning!

Smoochies,

E3
K D. Nov 1, 2009, 7:44am EST
Wonderful article! Now, have some tomatoe juice and get some rest! HA HA HA!!!
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 7:46am EST
K.D., I'll have to humbly say it's among my best!

E3
K D. Nov 1, 2009, 8:08am EST
Yes, it is Ed! I'm still laughing!
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 8:10am EST
Awwwww, thank you, darlin'!

E3
Kris P. Nov 1, 2009, 7:53am EST
I'm impressed Ed, you out did yourself this morning, considering.
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 8:01am EST
Kris, I like your pic, I'd say more but ew454jl;k a4tj4 ap a3ejeakldmc.

4r545jla,

E3
Kris P. Nov 1, 2009, 8:07am EST
Xjuiis kmazd yrpmc arnty n0ue.

Little too much Southern Comfort Halloween punch last night.

♥Å°♥
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 8:09am EST
Hey, least it was southern!

Smoochies,

E3
Blind Lady Liberty Nov 1, 2009, 8:15am EST
Sounds like the preface to another one of your taco stories there, Bob.. er.. Ed..
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 8:17am EST
LOL, I'm just not gonna convince you I'm not Bob, am I?

E3
MrsRoad Runner Nov 1, 2009, 8:38am EST
LMAO,
I am assuming only others with hangovers can read that ? :0)
Or I guess it is not a hangover yet at all hu lol!!
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 8:40am EST
I'm so hungover I'm havin' to pick my eyeballs up off the floor, darlin'!

Smoochies,

E3
Blind Lady Liberty Nov 1, 2009, 8:56am EST
If your strategy of persuasion includes margaritas and tacos... not a chance.
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 9:09am EST
LOL!

E3
MrsRoad Runner Nov 1, 2009, 8:45am EST
LMAO,
OPPS IS THIS TO LOUD FOR YOU :0)
The porcelain god seeing a lot of you lately?
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 8:47am EST
Uhhhhhhh, don't holler, darlin'. I wish I could open up my brain and pour a cold ICEE into it.....

E3
MrsRoad Runner Nov 1, 2009, 8:49am EST
LOL,
I sure wish I could feel sorry for you, but.....
Of course my man said a beer will help that hangover - now how does he know this?? lol
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 8:59am EST
'Cause his azz has gotten torn up too on occasion?

Admit it, you'll feel better!

Smoochies,

E3
MrsRoad Runner Nov 1, 2009, 9:07am EST
On just a occasion ?, who you trying to fool :0)
Me? Oh heck one sip of that stuff would make me higher then a kite..... As my man says, if I drank alcohol then there would not be so much for him!

I can just see you crawling up onto your chair, figuring out how to turn on your monitor, forget the tower it probably is always on. Stumble to find the mouse, and try and keep it on the table. Forget the mouse pad :0)
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 9:08am EST
At one point earlier I had my chin on the desk looking up at the screen, it felt better reading it that way!

Smoochies,

E3
MrsRoad Runner Nov 1, 2009, 9:14am EST
LMAO!!
I bet!!
what the he** were YOU DRINKING?

*and where can I find some* ;)
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 9:01am EST
http://www.anheuser-busch.com/ABMarketingWildBlue.html

Darlin', it will set you on yer cute tushie!

E3
Thanks for posting to GutterGirls~
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 9:02am EST
Thanks for having me, but I'm deeply hurt that this calibre writing isn't a featured article.......

Smoochies,

E3
Johnice R. Nov 1, 2009, 8:58am EST
I just stopped by to give support to your post!

I wish I had more to say yet, I have nothing, nothing at all!
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 9:03am EST
C'mon, you know you want to say something, let it all out, you'll feel better!

Smoochies darlin',

E3
Johnice R. Nov 1, 2009, 9:55am EST
Nah! I can only offer support this morning.

(((Hugs!)))
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 9:59am EST
I thought we'd dissect parts of this article and really thoroughly discuss them, you know how much I appreciate and respect your opinion....

E3
Johnice R. Nov 1, 2009, 10:08am EST
Ed, every now and then I am lost in your content and left speechless.

I am a writing coach to ESL Masters students and this post is like forks being shoved in my eyes! I am sorry I have nothing! Cannot make heads or tails of the direction any discord could generate I need a "Real" word here and there to dissect a subject.
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 10:10am EST
You mean, "984894ihfmhnsfmf9490tuhjnmfnjng404=jfnmmf fnrn4n nkl djmf5k4km" isn't a real word?

E3
Johnice R. Nov 1, 2009, 10:14am EST
Please drink several liters of water to rehydrate your system I am confident that you are aware of what a "Real"word is in several languages!

Even an ESL student could recognize non words. See I have no real sense of humor about "Words" because it is my job and I am a traditionalist!

:)
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 12:27pm EST
Johnice, I totally understand. I just happen to be an "Editionalist" and react to life accordingly...

You know I adore ya, so there!

Smoochies,

E3
Johnice R. Nov 1, 2009, 2:50pm EST
We come in peace and mean you no harm! :)
**AngelEyez** a. Nov 1, 2009, 10:18am EST
Lol!!! ( :
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 12:28pm EST
You good lookin' thing, is something specifically makin' you laugh here today?

Innocently yours,

E3
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 12:29pm EST
Stephanie, so good to see you, my darlin'! Let me just say this: t4irijhere4 adj43 aiejdadkd m4ej.

And don't you forget it!

E3
Lee P. Nov 1, 2009, 10:33am EST
How funny. I really do love Bubba's, bad habits and all.

It only takes one tiny sip of anything with alcohol and I start giggling like a school girl. I'm one of those people who can't and don't drink. I'm just getting over the flu and all the over-the-counter liquid medications have an alcohol content therefore this has been a very funny giggly three days of flu for me. I'm over it finally but for a while there I thought I was going to die laughing.... LOL LOL LOL

This is cute. Your talent for entertaining and drawing a reading audience comes through.
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 12:30pm EST
Lee, I'm a cheap drunk, too. I don't really drink all that often, and when I do I treat liquor/beer like a Coke, so I just chug it right down. Then, twenty minutes after I do so it's like, "WHAMMMMMMMM!" Then I wonder why I don't remember my name so well and the tip of my nose is numb?

Smoochies,

E3
Eric T. Nov 1, 2009, 11:02am EST
Not able to translate this article. Therefore...

I need to drink
in order to think
about the contents in this link
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 12:31pm EST
Eric my man,

Think all you will,
You're reading swill,
If it were better it might be run of the mill!

E3
Ada D. Nov 1, 2009, 11:18am EST
________________________________________
¡Ęƒuılıəɔ əɄŹ‡ ÉÆoɹɟ ʃuɐɄ noŹŽ ɟı pɐəɹ oŹ‡ ɹəısɐə s,Ź‡Ä±


________________________________________
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 12:32pm EST
Clever Ada, but now my eyeballs are scrambled!

Smoochies,

E3
Melanie S. Nov 1, 2009, 11:25am EST
BAH! Gather wouldn't let me play darn it.
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 12:33pm EST
Melanie, I am actually struggling as to how to answer you, get thee behind me, Satan!

Smoochies,

E3
phil w. Nov 1, 2009, 11:25am EST
A " hair o' the dog that bit ya' " and the Paul Johnson show !
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 12:33pm EST
Phillip, my boys scared me a bit last night, but in the end they did win. I don't envy the challenge Mr. Richt has facing him after this season concludes. What changes do you think he'll make? Surely Martinez will go....

E3
phil w. Nov 1, 2009, 1:12pm EST
I believe Martinez will be the sacrificial lamb,they got too many good athletes to be mediocre ! Got probably the best receiver in the country in AJ Green ,and nobody to throw to him ! Cox can't see over the lines heads ( Or throw over it ) .BUT ,other than that !! : )
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 1:20pm EST
You know, they actually said that the one interception where Cox should have thrown it out of bounds that he literally didn't have the arm strength to get it there? That's pitiful, I think if Martinez doesn't go that Richt will be putting his own job on the line next year.

I love your avatar, may be the coolest on Gather!

E3
phil w. Nov 1, 2009, 4:37pm EST
Life and Football is a bitch ! It just don't roll right ! Selah !
APE 131313 Nov 1, 2009, 4:51pm EST
Get the hell outta here!! LOL
The 'boys?
Johnson?
Cox?
Lamb?
That'll be enough of THAT!!
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 5:40pm EST
APE, I never thought about it that way, but you're right. Next we'll be lining up some Liberace cuts as background music.....

E3
Elizabeth O. Nov 1, 2009, 12:15pm EST
Darlin' if you've got a hangover, then you need to stop drinking whatever it was you were drinking. Try Jack Daniels...I'm very lucky with that. I don't drink often, so please don't think that I'm a lush...but I've been known to consume an entire pint in a day, remember all the fun I had, AND feel like my usual fine self the next day....just sayin'.

Sshhh, very quiet hangover smoochies,
Bethie
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 12:34pm EST
In other words, your head doesn't hammer out "you knew better, dammits" all day long the day after.....

E3
Elizabeth O. Nov 1, 2009, 12:45pm EST
Nope, never.......
Korak 257 Nov 1, 2009, 12:21pm EST
Hi,
I tried using a mirror ,didnt help ! So your'e drunker than Cooter Brown. Well...night ,night !
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 12:35pm EST
Korak, when you're Cooter Brown drunk you are very damn drunk!

E3
Korak 257 Nov 1, 2009, 12:48pm EST
Yes, It is funny that everyone knows his name....This Mr. Brown gets around so thats pretty drunk !!
Elizabeth O. Nov 1, 2009, 12:54pm EST
Who is Cooter Brown? I don't know who he is...I lead a rather sheltered existence...I didn't really know who Glenn Beck was until this past week.
Debbie W. Nov 1, 2009, 1:33pm EST
I never heard of Cooter Brown until I moved down to Florida. Poor guy-LOL
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 4:14pm EST
He's a Southern legend with a pretty unique strategy for avoiding military service, Google him to find out more.

E3
Elizabeth O. Nov 1, 2009, 5:40pm EST
A friend of my brothers' avoided military service (this was in the 60's during the draft) ~ he went to college until he was 42!!!!
Elizabeth O. Nov 1, 2009, 5:49pm EST
I just Googled him ~ got a couple hits on a restaurant by that name and then the Urban Dictionary defined him as a term...'drunker than Cooter Brown'. I avoid Wikipedia because anyone can add anything to it, so its usually crap.
Korak 257 Nov 2, 2009, 1:49pm EST
hi, everytime I meet someone with the last name Brown ,I asked them if they they have a uncle named Cooter ? LOL !
Girl ..I got tore up from the ground up last night...I had me some killer moonshine..It had the kick with a great taste of butter scotch..I think? Anyway it made me feel super good...yes....Cooter was their with us also !
Korak 257 Nov 2, 2009, 1:53pm EST
I was in a Mississippi beer bar that had pigs walking through the front door and out the back...NO ,ED not girls but real hogs....moonshine and stuff ..we sat outside feeding the pigs drinking ourself while cooter danced on a picnic table...it was a sight !
Cooter Brown was last seen in lower Mississippi !
Korak 257 Nov 2, 2009, 2:02pm EST
YEAH.. ED WILLIAMS WRITE SOMETHING ON ...ME AND COOTER BROWN !
vickey w Nov 1, 2009, 12:51pm EST
This is cute Ed.... a great idea(for the article)...
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 1:17pm EST
Vickey, thank you darlin'!

Smoochies,

E3
Leo Lemmer Nov 1, 2009, 12:58pm EST
Better than much of the drivel. How many words can you list that start with an X?
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 1:18pm EST
LOL, don't you hate those kinda posts? Especially when the same person keeps posting, "Tell me a word that begins with an "A." "Tell me a word that begins with a "B." Those kinda people are what makes this kinda post work, we all laugh because we've seen people really trying to make hay with this kinda crap!

E3
Wha chu tryin to doo? Raize the standurds round chere?
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 4:16pm EST
EM JAY, I'm just adding this to great works of literature like "Stuff That Begins With The Letter D" and why the points system at Gather is good/bad, just tryin' to raise that high bar even higher, darlin'!

Smoochies,

E3
I tried that this week and totally effed it up. I get too hung up on things like spelling and grammar and making sense.
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 4:41pm EST
If you'll just get past those things, you'll find that writing is very easy!

Smoochies,

E3
I might need a 12 step program.
Risa G. Nov 1, 2009, 1:43pm EST
I've read that before! lol - You funny Ed!
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 4:16pm EST
Risa, you're too kind!

Smoochies,

E3
Joyce ("Site Cheshire Kitteh") L. Nov 1, 2009, 3:23pm EST
Hmmmm, how easy is it to seduce a drunk Ed? Must be at least 3 dozen things I can think of doing... *grinning evilly, brushing fingertips tantalizing over quivering flesh... * :)
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 4:17pm EST
Joyce, I will admit that when I get drunk I have a tendency to be very loving, so I guess I'd better never get drunk around a 3 bag haint, huh darlin'?

Smoochies,

E3
Joyce ("Site Cheshire Kitteh") L. Nov 1, 2009, 4:59pm EST
Ed, you're not calling me a 3 bag haint, are ya?
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 5:39pm EST
Not at all, my darlin', you know better! You're prime and then some.

Le lustful smoochies,

E3
colleen r. Nov 1, 2009, 4:27pm EST
Your article does make some good points

OR

Did you just fall asleep on the keyboard?!

hahaha, liked it very much!
Ed Williams Nov 1, 2009, 4:40pm EST
Colleen, honestly, I did my arms across the keyboard kinda like a cat would running across it!

You're a sweetie, smoochies!

E3
colleen r. Nov 1, 2009, 4:56pm EST
Black cat? Very Halloweeney!!