Bob In Australia: Confidentially

The air was hanging on to just a tinge of warmness on a beautiful cloudy day. The streets it seemed were ankle deep in oak leafs and others joining the fray. Yes, walking through these leafs can be such a special feeling: A single leaf suddenly shoots up in the breeze revealing spectacular colors on barer trees; blankets on the ground. Rather idyllic scene until my big toe hit something soft with scuffled sound. I bent down and to my surprise, a rather well stuffed envelope all the way from OZ obviously not for me because you see it was stamped confidential, yet I had to take a peek. What was inside? Oh my!!!

It never hurts to spy on your friends from other counties, so Bob was being watched by the Perth Zoo Smoothie security. She became a suspect the moment she stepped off the plane because, as a private note by an official exclaimed, she had not a hint of libation, yet said Magi, her friend built boats in Darwin. Eyebrows were raised the next day when she ordered breakfast. She did not want corn flakes and spoke in Pig Latin. She claimed that breakfast made later things happen, so Magi gained 14 stone and Guinness is investigating if he might be pregnant. But, without delay I must convey a private written conversation of Magi and Maria and why they thought Bob put The Evil Addiction in hot water on several occasions. Magi it seems thought this a serious libation.

Marge*: “We must warn someone that Bob is an American after our Vegemite.

Maria: Luckily our agent is her tour guide, but his report of her behavior makes me wonder if she somehow got her hands on the premium blend black as the night sky.?

Marge: Could explain the way she’s been taking photographs.

Maria: There’s evidence of her lying on the ground taking photographs at some unusual places. That and her insistence on pink pillows in the Confessional with smiley faces..

Marge: Our agent showed a lot of reserve when he found her lying in aisle 7 of the super taking photographs of Vegemite! Oh dear!!! I think I need a verb.”

* Marge is actually Magi dressed up like a Mrs. Doubtfire with lots of facial hair and Maria does not realize this because she is admiring Marge/Magi’s hairdo.

This is getting a bit deep, but there are more glaring examples of Bob being discreet. She likes mud wrestling in bogs, so entered a Kangaroo boxing smoker to compete while wearing clogs. Not a punch was thrown because when the kangaroo started to kick, Bob called a timeout and showed the judges she had not a nub or a knick and claimed the kangaroo was European. Because she’s American she needed not rhyme or reason, so they let her sing the theme to Rocky at the karaoke in pig Latin. The kangaroo was of course disqualified, so Bob won with misty eyes from the smoke of a barbecue, or, Did she save the ’roo? Is it on the flight incognito having dinner in an elegant paper mache ruse?

Bob had been a gracious example of the Amy Vanderbilt way. Although she showed some suspect fondness for Vegemite everyday, she had eaten her big breakfast and found places she could lie down and photograph. All was going smoothly until, wouldn’t you gasp, the big breakfast maker broke his nose leaving only oatmeal and cold burnt toast. So Bob had to go to the park with pangs and animals to find, imagined delicious, nothing malicious: Just some béarnaise and a touch of lime. With freely uncharacteristic manner, she said, ‘I wonder about the taste of that parrot?’ Then a lady with two small dogs walked by and Bob said, ‘A hot dog on a spit: Will you let me try?’ The lady ran away in fright. But when Bob called a black swan ‘Duckie,’ it was obvious she need some Vegemite.

So all of the animals were lucky Vegemite saved the day, except the parrot who went far far away.