Starting Over: Is It Possible?

Starting Over: Is It Possible?

[ Recently I have come to know a man who is one of my PTSD counseling and support groups. His story is tragic but typical of PTSD sufferers. he no longer suffers but now helps those who do. I have spoken at length with this man and his situation needs to be addressed by society. ]

Imagine, if you will, a man with an education, a life of plenty, even privilege falling so low that he awakens in jail. How did he come to be there? What crimes did he commit? How did he wind up incarcerated?

Was he a drug user? No! Was he a drunk? No! Did he commit treason? No! Was he a thief? No! He was the victim of self-pride, a sense of guilt, low self-esteem and an egocentric outlook on life…….all being part of his response to PTSD!

Richard is a veteran of the military having served in combat. He is a partially disabled veteran.  He was a man who sought himself but was not happy with what he found. He sought to evade the truth of his own reality by seeking more, experiencing despair, despondency, rage and many other negative emotions. His connections, actually relationships with pthers were based upon the negative needs he felt.  His ability to discern real freindship, truth and sincere emotion was flawed.

Born into an upper-middle class family, he was educated, was a Boy Scout,  went to church, played sports, worked while in school and served his nation when asked. He went back to school upon his return from military service. He studied hard and earned several degrees at all levels, multiple bachelor degrees, an masters degree & multiple PhDs. He worked at his profession and became well known in his field both here and abroad. It did not however help his self-esteem. On the inside he continued to feel that he was a loser!

Suffering from PTSD he could not find answers nor be healed by the conventional methods currently in use. Eventually he simply gave up on himself, on others and began to live as he felt driven or impelled to do by his rage and despair. His sense of purpose was there but it was skewed and warped by the demons of his inner-self. He married, for the wrong reasons, had kids, the only good things to come from his marriage but his sickness caused him to drive his marriage onto the rocks and troubles beset him as it foundered and eventually ended in divorce.

His work drew him to employment in other lands where he could serve others while running away from himself. He was able to better the quality of life for thousands in his work. Indeed he was able to literally cause many to actually be able to live rather than perish. All of this time he doubted his own worth, his own reason for existence and he had turned away from God while in Viet Nam. By serving others he could justify his own existence and put the guilt aside for a while but it always came back worse than before.

In time he met a woman, married her, had a life of sorts with her but still was plagued with his own sickness of mind. His mother died, mere months later his father died and just a few months after that his wife committed suicide. Not being over the impact and grief process of each death before the next one happened in such a short time, he was emotionally overwhelmed and was unable to cope successfully with his grief. He retreated within himself so his mind could heal and thus he shut the world out. Time went by and he was in touch with reality for intermittent periods of time but then would fade out into his retreat from the pain.

In a lucid moment he was approached by a friend asking that he assist them with a small problem. He did so but in the process was not thinking clearly and he allowed himself to be used in such a way as to be legally liable for the acts of others. They did not come through as promised and he bore the responsibility for something that he did not do. It was for this that he was incarcerated!

Hitting bottom is where people must be before they admit that they have a problem, need help and begin to solve their problem. Richard faced his problem there in jail. He knew that he could not do it alone and he turned to the only place he could to get the help he needed, he turned to God. He prayed and promised God that he would do it right, conquer his demons and make his life one of pro-active efforts rather one of egocentricity, rage and despair. God heard his promises, prayers, confessions and forgave him.

Upon release from jail after sentencing Richard began working at a faith-based rehabilitation facility. There, where he was in contact with people from all walks of life all with dependency problems, gambling addictions, sex addictions, co-dependency problems, bi-polarity syndrome, but mostly  substance addictions (alcohol &/or drugs). He began to understand God’s purpose for him! He learned to love, not hate and despise these people he had looked down upon previously. He went through an intense program of self-awareness and introspection to conquer his demons. It was an awakening that Richard wanted to run away from once again but his promise to God kept him in the program. He faced himself all the nastiness that was in his heart and mind and began to work through his problems to conquer his demons. Once he had done that he forgave those people in his life for whom he harbored resentment, asked figuratively forgiveness from those he felt harbored resentment against him and forgave God for and then asked God to forgive him. When it was done he felt the burden of guilt, self-loathing, rage and despair lifted from his heart.

In the span of time since that moment he has sought employment at many jobs only to be refused because he is a convicted felon. His crimes were not crimes of violence, nor did he do something heinous such as rape, arson or child abuse. He wants to work, after all  he has multiple PhD’s, is an accomplished journalist as well as a talented researcher of facts and datum in many fields, has years of experience in dealing people and problems in many parts of this planet in many varied cultures but still cannot find anyone who will employ his skills and talents. He volunteers as a chronic illness counselor, as a PTSD counselor and helps with his church.

What do you think? Does this man deserve a chance to make his life meaningful and productive once again? Tell me what you think!

Copyright © 2009 Donald R Houston, PhD. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed without the author's consent.