A Call To Arms and Daylight Savings Time (Humor)

History is replete with stories of brave men and women taking up arms and rebelling when government oversteps its bounds. I believe it is time to do that again; this time it's about Time.

Years ago the government hatched a scheme to take an hour away from us every spring and give it back in the fall. That's the official line though conspiracists (my word for people who see conspiracies everywhere) believe the government ends up with two extra hours in its pocket every year — sleight-of-hand or something.

Anyway, that battle is long gone. We've accepted the semiannual daylight time shuffle but now the government is changing the dates on us. We used to go off Daylight Savings Time the last Sunday in October, but the past few years the government has been slowly cutting into that date. This year DST will end on November 1st. OK, that's not such a big deal time-wise but it's the principle of the matter.

Besides, we rarely have an opportunity to stick it to the government without breaking something, offending somebody or moving our name to the top of the IRS Hit, whoops, I mean Audit List.

I ISSUE A CALL TO ARMS to all able-bodied Americans. Not arms in the military sense but arms in the clock sense. This should have been last week's column, calendar confusion I'm blaming on the government. I was going to tell you to do something at precisely 2 am on October 24th, but that date will have just passed by the time you read this. Instead, do what I say right now. Take the arms of all your timepieces — your alarm clocks, your swatches, your grandfather clocks, your Mickey Mice, your computer digital read-outs (here you'll have to pretend there are arms) and your kitchen oven timers — and move the hour arm back one hour.

There! Doesn't that feel better? You have recaptured time from the enemy (Big Government) and returned control to the Little People where it belongs.

I want to be clear that this has nothing to do with Obama. It is not even a Republican-Democrat issue, or conservative versus liberal, or analog versus digital, or even meat lovers versus vegans. This public protest is against government in general, though I might point out that it was Richard Nixon who made this a nationwide law via executive order.That might give you cause to pause.

The beauty of this protest is that you don't have to write your congressperson, picket or give money — though if it makes you feel better you can make out a check to the "I trust John to forward this to someone who needs it fund."

If you want to be more of an activist, make up slogans such as "No Time For A Change" or "It's Later Than You Think." You can use the slogans as bumper stickers. If you're really courageous, put a sign on your front lawn. If you're not really courageous, put the sign on your neighbor's lawn.

What's the worst that can happen? It will get darker sooner on Halloween, but isn't that a more frightening ambience? The lights may go on a little earlier in a World Series game, but stadium lights should only bother those on under-the-counter medications.

The best thing that can happen is that the pols will realize that there really is a "silent majority" who aren't afraid to take a stand or, in this case, twist a dial. If we are willing to mobilize over such a seemingly trivial issue, think what we might do if Washington continues their health-care hora much longer.

This is a golden opportunity for those who were too chicken to march against the Viet Nam war, picket Ma Bell, or protest anything during working hours for fear their boss might see them on CNN. This is your chance to stand up and be counted without being counted out.

All you have to do is to set your watch back one hour as soon as you read this column. Oh, stop whining, you were going to have to do it November 1st anyway.