by barb n.
Member since:
March 23, 2007

IN HERE

October 23, 2009 11:02 AM EDT (Updated: October 23, 2009 12:26 PM EDT)
views: 43 | comments: 43

Up in here

in my mind

I can see

Desolation, ruin, wastelands

Black and grays, shadows, low guttural sounds

scurriously whispering

Down in here

in my heart

I can feel

Flames, heat, warmth

racing pain, and hope

Up in here

in my mind

Everything and nothing

Pain, kindness, wounds healed

covered with revulsion

scars and suffering

Down in here

in my heart

Heat, past its boiling point

Flames, small and wavering

They have been rescued

and cherished

Up in here

in my mind

The ice, so cold,

frozen in time, of long ago

Pain, grown and hardened

Mountainous caverns of stalactites

surround and substain

Down in here

in my heart

White lead and tillage

stoke the flames

shielding, protecting,

yet never growing

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Comments: 43

Barb (Gather Site Ferret) Carlson Oct 23, 2009, 11:16am EDT
This is a fascinating poem. I really like how you separated "up in here" from "down in here" ... that really worked! It's obvious you show a change, but the transition is a little hard to follow. I think a slight change of format would help ... changing the regular line feeds at the end to "Ctrl-enter" (as opposed to just an "enter") will make the lines single-spaced, then you can have an obvious break (if you want it) where things change. Just my opinion, of course.
barb n. Oct 23, 2009, 12:11pm EDT
You know how much I appreciate your opinions, I see what I did...I am working on it, you know how I am always hitting submit instead of save draft~~~~
Thanks lady, I am still working on it~~~
barb n. Oct 23, 2009, 4:07pm EDT
I KNOW!!!!! LOL
Peter Joseph Swanson Oct 23, 2009, 11:18am EDT
I really really enjoyed reading that !!!
barb n. Oct 23, 2009, 12:13pm EDT
Hiya Peter!!! Thanks bunches and bunches~~~~
Connie C. Oct 23, 2009, 11:29am EDT
Wow! Did I say Wow! That was a great explaination of how all of us feel at times
barb n. Oct 23, 2009, 12:14pm EDT
Cool beans!!!! Thanks Connie, muchly appreciated~~~~~
Kushal Poddar Oct 23, 2009, 11:38am EDT
This is dark, softly sad and a dazzling poetry. Barb I love this one.

This and that of them and us
barb n. Oct 23, 2009, 2:31pm EDT
Thank you Kushal!!! I loved both your poems~~~~
barb n. Oct 23, 2009, 4:09pm EDT
Thank you Lynn, I know, I am always trying to find cool words to use, but I forget them unless I write them down, and in no order at that, so I go looking thru the dictionary sometimes!!!!! p.s. dont tell anyone:)
Kelly Kay Oct 23, 2009, 11:51am EDT
Yet you push on with hope, the darkness can be suffocating at times...

Great writing Barb!
barb n. Oct 23, 2009, 12:15pm EDT
Kelly Kay!!! I am so happy you came here~~~~~~ thanks so much for your comment and stopping by~~~~
Barb,
I love this one, LOVE it and if you don't change that tagline ("I WANT TO BE... "), I'm going to reach through the computer and slap you!

Please edit and post to Poets, New and Old, so I can feature it? Geez, lady!

You're making me crazy here :)

Mar~
barb n. Oct 23, 2009, 12:16pm EDT
UH OH, damn, I did not know you could do that!!!! Well, I reckon I had just better put the finishing touches on it and send it your way~~~

p.s. if you can reach thru here, then I can too????? LOL,
barb n. Oct 23, 2009, 4:15pm EDT
whoa...both of ya'll ganging up on me?????

I gotta do somethign about this!
donna f. Oct 23, 2009, 12:17pm EDT
Fan-freakin'-tastic!
barb n. Oct 23, 2009, 2:35pm EDT
Donna!!! I missed you today...>_<, that's a sad face) thanks for stopping by, I know you dont have much time at the computer and I hope you all are still hanging in there:) I keep thinking about you two, and it helps to pull me up somedays~~~~~
I can do that, but I'll beat you to it :)

You are Featured in the group, Poets, New and Old,

muttering about time!

Mar~
barb n. Oct 23, 2009, 2:36pm EDT
SMILEYS and BIG THANK YOU'S!!!!! I really appreciate that Marilyn, sorry it took so long~~~~~
you are dipping deep and deeper~which heals and creates some excellent prose~ =)

and yeah i agree with the sweater comments~ =D
barb n. Oct 23, 2009, 2:39pm EDT
Thanks Selene, I appreciate you dropping, or uh, well, are you floating by? cool icon~~~~~~~
I get somethings in my head, but I dont think I am writing them exactly right, I need different words to say what I am trying to say~~~~
barb n. Oct 23, 2009, 4:31pm EDT
the beginning was right, it was the ending that I thought could be better, and I have been messing with it, but I guess, that it is the way it is going to stay. Lynn, it is what I want to say, but you know how it goes, I wanted it to be better, or clearer, or something, I dont know...I have all kinds of things written that I dont post, because I dont think they are "just" right, but, I think if I could get them written then I can look at them, objectively, I think I am harder on myself than anyone on here has ever been on me
Thanks for posting to GutterGirls~
barb n. Oct 23, 2009, 2:40pm EDT
Thank you for having GutterGirls, it is the bestest place~~~~
Lewis (taking over Gather) K. Oct 23, 2009, 2:55pm EDT
Wow, Barb, this is impressive writing... I love the dance between mind and heart, which for most of us is always a lopsided tango... absolutely beatiful writing.
barb n. Oct 23, 2009, 4:25pm EDT
a lopsided tango, what a cool way to put it~~~~ Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving such a sweet comment, I appreciate it greatly!!!!
Angela A. Oct 23, 2009, 4:38pm EDT
Very beautiful!
Thanks for posting to my group, Anythingwriting
barb n. Oct 24, 2009, 12:21pm EDT
Hiya Angela, thanks for stopping by and thank you for such a great commment, Love the new icon~~~~
Barb (Gather Site Ferret) Carlson Oct 23, 2009, 5:09pm EDT
I like the changes you made. I do think it's a bit stronger now.
barb n. Oct 24, 2009, 12:22pm EDT
Thanks Barb, I was hoping it was better~~~~I really like "scurriously", It is my new word for the day~~~~~((HUGGSSS))))
William Dotani Oct 27, 2009, 1:46pm EDT
There is good balance in your comparison/contrast rhetorical pattern. I would say this speaks of experienced disappointments and yet passions still aflame.
Kathryn E. Nov 1, 2009, 4:00pm EST
it is good!

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