They Say (MWE: Humor)

They say...

You know who I am talking about...  the people we look to – to say things. The experts, the scientists, the polls, the three out of four doctors, the car guys on NPR, the resonant voice on ABC.

They are the people we turn to for "the truth" and to prove others don't know what they are talking about.

They are believable because they are rarely wrong. They never admit a mistake nor slap their forehead and say, “I never thought of that!” If they did, they would no longer be a they.

Of course this does not mean they always agree with each other. They often get together and argue. Evenings on public broadcasting and Sunday mornings on the networks are great places to watch them do that.

When they disagree, they almost never shout or get mad. Why would they? They are they.

They are thoughtful and considerate. They know their stuff. They have facts and figures from the CDC, FBI, FDA, HRA and WTO. They never quote from the world wide web.

They speak in paragraphs. They read the footnotes. They have charts and graphs. They are never flustered. They rarely concede a point, but when they do, it is always to another they, and they do it to be polite.

But be careful. They will catch you off guard.

A co-worker will drop a heavy, “they say” into a water cooler conversation or your brother-in-law will thunder a “they say” across the Thanksgiving table.

When this happens never accept what they say as fact and never stoop to their level. Simply ask who “they” are. Inevitably the source be something like “FOXNEWS” or “MSNBC”, then you gently explain that their “they” is a really a “them”.

Be strong, keep your cool, but never let them fool you.

When them are passed off as they, they never tell the truth. They are frauds. They are charlatans. They are posers. They will say anything to score a point. They never know what they are talking about and they are always saying things like “that”.

So how can you tell who they really are? How can you tell they are not just a them passing themselves off as a they?

The answer is simple. Listen to them.

If they say, “they say” then you know who they really are.

© Greg Schiller, 2009
Author: Greg Schiller

Feel free to rummage around my collection of essays and stories at Greg's Garage