A Half-Century of Living! What Have I Learned?

Well, it's happened. I'm half-way toward the end...I'm officially "mature", "over the hill", and "at the top of my life".

NOT!

Physically, my body shows its age. Not that I'm trying -- like most of you -- to recapture some of that youthfulness (is that a real word? If not, I'm declaring it as one) we lost over as we moved from our 20s, 30s and 40s. I refused to cover my baldness, my grey hairs, my age lines. The cardiologist told me 15 years ago to stop drinking coffee and I've slowed down instead. The urologist told me that I would never have kids again, and as many of you know, I have several kids (now almost adults!) who refer to me as "Dad" or "parent Mike" or as "my male parent." Most recently, the guy who did the eye surgery on my left eye to correct some damage which occured while I was in Iraq last time -- he says that I'm slowly losing sight in that eye and will need -- gasp!!! -- glasses!!

My workmates gave me a card which state in part that you're really not old until....someone hands you a card with LARGE TYPE ON IT! *heheheheehehehee* They must have been talking with that eye doc!

My Dad (who's turning 81 next spring) and I were talking on Sunday as we do every other week. He asked me "what have I learned in the past 50 years?" I told him that I would seriously sit down, write outand mail (he doesn't do email) what I learned and send it to him.

Here's what I wrote:

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Dad: You asked me what have I learned in my past 50 years of living. Here's the list:

- I learned that my first name is correctly spelled "M-I-C-H-E-A-L." No raps across my knuckles; no master database; no failure on the part of people to ask me "how do you spell your name please?" can change that.

- I learned how to depend upon others and my faith to rely on myself to do things. Anything.

- I learned how to read, speak, write and use those things to take my life in many different directions, making my life richer.

- I learned the value of a dollar bill -- the physical $1.00 American dollar and the intangible money it represents. I also learned why people around the world and in my neighborhood would literally kill another person to have that $1.00 bill.

- I learned that EVERYONE has a name -- most people have it tagged to their shirt, or uniform, or top. When they don't, the correct name is "Sir" if they are male and "Ma'am" if they are female. Many people also have a title -- Sergeant, Captain, officer, pastor, Mom, Dad, siblings - When you use their name, you take away fear and disconfort -- on your and their part. When you use their name AND title -- you may have made a new friend.

- I learned the value of having friends and meeting people every day. Even if I don't know their names, or may never see them again, what Big Mom says is very true: what goes around, comes around.

- I learned that there are lots of people who want to tell you how to do things and will try to get you to do it their way; but there's only one correct way to do things and usually that has been done by people who instead of telling you -- will show you and let you do it several times before you master it.

- I learned to how love someone or something without any expectation of having that returned to me. Again, Mom -- and Scouting --was right: one does not have to proclaim love to demonstrate love.

- I learned the poker face, the box step, the Scout Sign, and the Lord's Prayer. Sometimes, I had to use all four to get something done -- or to stay out of trouble with you or someone else.

- I learned the value of virginity and why people around the world try to protect it among their children. Not just sexual virginity, but the virginity of growing up too soon, of knowledge of things which later could or would break their hearts and souls otherwise.

- I learned how to treat myself for asthma, a broken heart, the marriage of a former lover, the death of a friend. More importantly, I can share my knowledge with others and help them overcome.

- I learned that despite public pronouncements, that I am somebody, I am black and I'm proud, that I'm proud to be an American, that one is a pretty lonely number, that I'll never find another love like my first love, and that I'm doing things my way.

- I learned that people forget all about your background, faith, race, age, sex or even the fact that you cannot cook well -- when they are hungry, tired and in need of food and shelter.

- I learned the words to three hymns, four popular songs, five clean jokes. I've also learned the words representing three sex acts, four silly songs and five dirty jokes. Importantly, I know when and where and under what circumstances each are appropriate.

- I have learned not to take myself seriously; that there are always people out there who can do a task better than I can; and either I remember that or someone will take pleasure in reminding me.

- I learned how to die with pride, with a smile and in peace. I watched people die in various locations, under various means, and for various reasons. It made me appreciate the value of maintaining friendships, working through difficulties, and embracing losses. I still miss Mom and Big Mom every day but I know that they are where they need to be and are happy for it. I didn't know Susan Pennington as well as others did, but I missed her too. I wished that I was more observant back in high school.

- I have learned the value of the baseball, football, golf ball, basketball, tennis ball, and why recreation is important to my health but it is not my entire life. Same goes for any other recreation I partake in.

- I learned that mistakes can be overcome, that they are not permanent, that they are forgivable and forgettable. I also learned not to do the same specific mistake over again and again, because while they can be forgiven and forgotten, some mistakes remain as reminders.

- Finally, I learned how to love and be loved; how to like and be liked; and how to admire and be admired. Mom's advice to me before she got ill still rings true: believe in yourself and God, do what you can do and understand your limits. Then try to do better the next day - because you can.

There are other things I've learned - from you and Mom; from Scouting; from Chaplains Bershawn, Ellis, and Jones. From Kay Flauding, Cora Wood, and Clancey Speck. From CSM Paul Squires. From Drill Sergeant Taylor and Senior Drill Sergeant Casey. From my Pershing Rifles and APO brothers, the guys on the 12th floor at Keene Hall and the gals on the 9th floor at Telford Hall. From Dr. Dan, Dr. Myers, and Steve King. From the cool night which transformed me into an Arrowman. From my closest female and male friends.

I learned from all of my loves -- the ones who refused to hold my hand when it was "socially wrong" for a white girl to hold a black boy's hand; the ones who refused to go steady with me because it was "socially wrong" for an "in-crowd" person to hang with a "geeky Scout guy"; the seven women who wanted to marry me but circumstances proved either too difficult or virtually impossible for that to occur. I learned from the two marriages and the relationships which endured as a result of the divorces. I learned from the girlfriends who had the honest forthrightness to say "I'll be your friend, maybe your lover, but not your wife. You're too much of a free spirit for me and mine."

I've learned.

Dad, I've learned a lot over the last 50 years. I've got a lot more to learn, however...at least 70 years' worth!! *grinning*

You want to know what I whispered to Mom before she went? "You've taught me well, Mom...I love you."

I say the same to you, Dad: You've taught me well...I love you.

The oldest (like you really don't know that!!)

Mike