by Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!!
Member since:
December 1, 2008

Island Tale #41 - Ignoring Norma

October 14, 2009 07:11 PM EDT
views: 195 | rating: 10/10 (3 votes) | comments: 102

Today's tale is dedicated to the recently deceased William Safire, whose excellent book on words and their usage was called In Love With Norma Loquendi. (Norma Loquendi means everyday speech).  But since his politics were so sucky, today we're going to ignore Norma and try to use the most high-faloutin' language we know.

Each comment should contain at least one word that you hope nobody else knows.

Again, SHORT comments.



When you get to the end of the third line
in your comment box, stop typing. STOP TYPING.
STOP TYPING.

 

100th comment should include the phrase, "And that says it all!"

Go!

 

~  ~  ~

For a look at previous tales, click here.

For a list of PLACES on the Island, click HERE.

Click here for a Tale with the most recent CAST LIST.

*******  ALL ARE WELCOME to participate *******

Remember -- REFRESH often, and don't be offended if your comment is removed because it either doesn't fit the previous comment (whatever that is), or simultaneous comments were entered and one works better than yours.  We have all deleted our own comments at one time or another.

Oh, and join Gather Island too!

P.P.S. PLEEEEASE DO NOT 'REPLY TO COMMENT'. Just do reg'lar, old-fashioned comments.   [Exception: to correct a comment, do reply to the comment before yours.]

 

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Comments: 102

Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Oct 14, 2009, 7:13pm EDT
Sarah, Ann, Susan and Tracy, the Three and a Half Women of Wit and Wisdom were walking along the beach under the cliff line. Sarah trundled through the scree apply sun screen, a new and lubricious screed forming in her head when
Katrina Hall Oct 14, 2009, 8:44pm EDT
I don't have the attention span for this.
Aniko     Oct 14, 2009, 9:07pm EDT
she realized that one of the samphires eeking out an unenviable existence in the sabulous environment was rather unusually shaped. Fighting her recrudescing biophobia, she approached the plant and noticed that
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Oct 14, 2009, 9:23pm EDT
while it was not unusually stellate, one of its stamen were corruscating. "Wow" she thought, that's one gorgeous flower. I must take it back to the bar and show everyone what lovely flora we have here on the island. She reached down to pluck the bloom when
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Oct 14, 2009, 9:23pm EDT
OK, was corruscating...
Tracy Fabre Oct 14, 2009, 9:33pm EDT
suddenly a brachyure scuttled across her path. "Look," she said to Susan, "I've found a labidophorous creature!" And Susan said,
Dame Ruth, Chief Executive Elitist D. Oct 14, 2009, 9:44pm EDT
"Do you think it will enjoy deliriously anthropomorphic hallucinatory revelations if we feed it some amanita muscara?" To which Sarah burbled:
Mustafa Demiri Oct 14, 2009, 11:39pm EDT
"Do we really need a crab with an entheogenic enduced charge of transcendence? I mean, did we not learn anything from our long enduring Achatina fulica quandry?... I, for one, remember the cantankerous gastropod !"
Cena W. Oct 14, 2009, 10:52pm EDT
Oh this is all far to scintillating for my antediluvian carcass, I am going to retire to my preferred rock and creep beneath it in disgrace.
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Oct 14, 2009, 11:21pm EDT
Which she would have done, had she not been so elephantine as to find getting beneath any rock, sedimentary, igneous or metamorphic beyond her miniscule means. Instead, she took a deep breath, and headed for the Fly Agaric mentioned above. "Wait! cried
JOHN BECK Oct 14, 2009, 11:37pm EDT
"Just because of the lipocytes and adipocytes in my omentum doesn't mean that I'm not
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Oct 14, 2009, 11:54pm EDT
a girl with a really nice personality. Still, the state of my peritoneum aside, I wonder what yonder A. muscaria would do if I only ingested a minute amount and didn't inhale?
Susan G. Oct 15, 2009, 12:56am EDT
Susan replied "Help yourself, Sarah. I eschew basidiomycetes completely, myself. Perhaps I can find some simple Solanum tuberosum to prepare for my dinner. Maybe Tracy
Tracy Fabre Oct 15, 2009, 8:24am EDT
-- once she takes her saburra -- can help." She skedaddled (elegantly) off, leaving Tracy at Sarah's mercy. "But I .... I ... I gotta go shop for salopettes," she said, and skedaddled less elegantly off, leaving Ann at Sarah's mercy. Ann said,
"I'd join you, but it's time to take my hydrochlorothiazide!" She felt awful about being left behind, but the nurse in her knew that that was the only big word she could find in her head at this early hour, so
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Oct 15, 2009, 9:12am EDT
Sarah was forced to transmogrify into someone who could wear last year's sallopettes. Given her sartorial preferences, this was not difficult. She felt that two sallopettes would be a pleonasm and therefore, beneath her dignity. Still, she did wish her meds would arrive
Susan G. Oct 15, 2009, 10:31am EDT
before Ann's hydrochlorothiazide took effect and caused her to monopolize the garderobe. Just thinking about the possibility made Sarah uncomfortable enough to
need to micturate! With that, Sarah ran to the
(Hey, I said micturate. It made me need to leave and do the deed. Sorry for the short comment.)
subjunctive natatorium where she encountered an effete corps of impudent snobs
Dame Ruth, Chief Executive Elitist D. Oct 15, 2009, 2:12pm EDT
natating their way across the Brobdingnagian chlorinated aqueous expanse while loudly vituperating jeremiads against the jettisoned
Tracy Fabre Oct 15, 2009, 4:29pm EDT
unwashed. Meanwhile, David Rochester in his ruff kerfuffled along the beach, and he said to whomever was still there to talk to, "Any chance of some tachydidaxy on the best way to prevent mildew in the ruffles of my ruff?" The one person still in the scene said,
Lance L. Oct 15, 2009, 8:09pm EDT
"Well, aside from a desiccant enclosure, have you tried a modicum of anhydrous calcium sulfate or a similar absorbent? Hmmmm?"
ann c. Oct 16, 2009, 11:58am EDT
In spite of taking the hydroclorothiazide Ann had a feeling of hebetude. She thought the balductum in the comments could be cause for digladiation among the participants. As she wandered down the beach she saw in the distance a knucker, which had not been seen near Gather Island for years. The knucker
Tracy Fabre Oct 16, 2009, 8:41pm EDT
-- which liked beef -- was aiming for Manerva's patch of grass behind Vivian's. Ann cried out as she ran to the knucker, and because she was an acapnotic, she had plenty of lung power to shout, "Stop that knucker!" But
Mustafa Demiri Oct 16, 2009, 10:14pm EDT
instead of enlisting the aid of her friends, she had caused the lacertian knucker to halt. It turned toward her and said, in a the bombastic language of the eld tongue of the Bard of Avon, " I that heard the peal of heaven's artillery, have not 'til now...
Tracy Fabre Oct 16, 2009, 10:23pm EDT
had an anteprandial morsel such as yourself, o blonde maenad!" Ann began to sense she was in trouble, and rapped the knucker sharply upside its nose. "Ow," he said in some distress, "why did you
Mustafa Demiri Oct 17, 2009, 12:19am EDT
"...pay me with such a blow?... Alas, methinks meknows... I mere spoke with poetic flourish and nill ever devour a morsel such as thee, for I have traversed, many arpents, the boundless seas and have caught within the chambre of mine ear the dulcet din of thy sirenesque voice, and now must woo thee for a wife."
Tracy Fabre Oct 17, 2009, 12:21pm EDT
Ann protested, "But you are a knucker! And I am a non-knucker!" The knucker declared, "But I have a deobstruent for this problem!" With that, he waved his knuckerous claws in her face, hynoptizing her into a state of
Mustafa Demiri Oct 17, 2009, 10:22pm EDT
acquiescence... "Ah, my bonny Ann, You and I shall be ever happy, living together in my grotto on the bonny bonny banks of Lake Veronica.... It has just occured to me that I've yet to reveal onto you my name, It's...
Tracy Fabre Oct 17, 2009, 11:01pm EDT
Caconym Cognomen, but you can call me Ray." He tried to caress her omoplate, but even a hypnotized Ann knows when she's being moved in upon, and she slipped from his near-grasp, making a run for
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Oct 18, 2009, 12:29am EDT
the border. While the scrofulous knucker loped after her, Ann removed her Spectator Pumps (worn only between Memorial Day and Labor Day, so what was she thinking?), and
Tracy Fabre Oct 18, 2009, 3:51pm EDT
admired them for a moment before putting them back on and grabbing a falchion from behind the nearest tree... but it happened to be the Tiara Tree, which grabbed it right back saying, "This is MY falchion, little blonde person!" and
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Oct 19, 2009, 5:09am EDT
attempted to embroil her in a ligneous embrace. There was a brief diapan from accordion and bagpipe (where did they come from? she wondered frantically) and out from behind the coruscating tree there rose
Tracy Fabre Oct 19, 2009, 1:18pm EDT
the knucker's wife! She knew it was the knucker's wife (and not a cousin or neighbor) because she wore a nametag reading "Mrs. Knucker" and that was good enough for Ann, who was outraged that a married knucker would think
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Oct 19, 2009, 2:07pm EDT
she was such a chippie that she would be caught in flagrante delicto with a kuncker. A not-so-uxorious knucker at that. Still, she didn't have to feel warm and fuzzy about Mrs Knucker, who was clearly a
Tracy Fabre Oct 19, 2009, 2:14pm EDT
trophy knucker's wife, and obviously willing to settle for the name Knucker in the first place. Ann backhanded the knucker in a fit of pique, and hit him with an amphibolite for good measure before she
ann c. Oct 19, 2009, 2:33pm EDT
ran to Vivian's hoping to hide from the Knuckers. Ann ran into the bar and slumped down on a coriaceous bar stool. Mrs. Knucker was fatidic so she knew that's where Ann would go so she drug Mr. Knucker in the other direction, pulling him by the tussock of hair on his
Tracy Fabre Oct 19, 2009, 2:40pm EDT
rotula. Vivian poured Ann a stiff caramel cappuccino and asked if she was all right. Ann was larmoyant. "I've been chased by a knucker and now his wife hates me, too!" Vivian was shocked. "You got involved with a married knucker?" Ann protested,
ann c. Oct 19, 2009, 2:46pm EDT
"I think he was attracted to my annulet, the one I had made from that virescent bauble I got off the Tiara Tree." Ann looked out the window toward the ocean and saw the knuckers consumed by a huge infundibuliform cloud. Up, up the knuckers went leaving only their
Tracy Fabre Oct 19, 2009, 2:51pm EDT
shiny scales behind as evidence. "How lucky for you," Vivian said dryly, "that the married guy and his wife both conveniently absquatulated." Ann, annoyed, said, "What's that supposed to mean? It's not like I have control over the weather." Vivian only
ann c. Oct 19, 2009, 3:38pm EDT
was concerned for Ann's well-being. Vivian had been a funambulist before opening the bar, lounge and car-wash and told Ann she was thinking of being one again. Manerva came in from the vaccary and mooed softly. "I just can't stand the thought of leaving Manerva and
Tracy Fabre Oct 19, 2009, 3:42pm EDT
the bar to take up a life of boanthropy!" Ann frowned: "You... think you're an ox?" Vivian shook her head: "Sorry, I must be using the wrong website." She went over to pet Manerva, while David Rochester, long forgotten on the beach, came in to
defenestrate the feline that was masticating the potted aspidistra which it used as a soporific. "Meowrftz," it ejaculated as it hurtled toward the firmament. A collared peccary entered the room grasping a left handed thread cutting tap with its dental appendages
Tracy Fabre Oct 19, 2009, 4:34pm EDT
... but it was only Lance, who was trying to set up his Wife Adapter™. Ann asked, "What is that you're holding?" Lance explained, "It's a tormentum. Okay, it's not, but that usually goes with wives, doesn't it?" Ann glared, and he hurriedly said,
ann c. Oct 19, 2009, 4:39pm EDT
"Well not all wives." He continued unpacking doodads and a gallimaufry of objects until he had half of the floor of the bar taken up with packages and wrappings. Vivian took one look at the mess and told Rico to remove it before she developed lippitude. Rico grabbed a
Tracy Fabre Oct 19, 2009, 4:42pm EDT
package, but nearly drew back a stump, since Lance was faster and not about to lose even one element of his Wife Adapter™. "Watch it, springal." Rico hurried away, and Vivian asked Lance, "How long are you going to
ann c. Oct 19, 2009, 4:49pm EDT
have that mundungus lying about?" Lance didn't answer and kept joining wires to a strange black box. David looked in one of the boxes and pulled out a Quocker-wodger. "Hey, I haven't seen one of these in years," he said. Vivian came over for a closer look and
Tracy Fabre Oct 19, 2009, 4:51pm EDT
said, "Look, it's got my name on it!" Lance snapped, "No it doesn't; it says tableau vivant, and it's for the wife prototype." Vivian rolled her eyes and started singing I Never Promised You A Rose Garden, which made Ann cry about
ann c. Oct 19, 2009, 4:58pm EDT
96 tears, then she dried her eyes and reached for the bowl of chips. David opened another box and pulled out an incunabulum and a portolan. "Wow, where did you get all this stuff?" he asked Lance. "Stay away from my boxes all of you," Lance shouted as he connected
Tracy Fabre Oct 19, 2009, 5:06pm EDT
the last fourteen gizmos together. "She's almost ready! All I need is a musard to hook all this up to!" David said, "You need a fool?" Lance: "Well, someone has to be the adaptee, see? You can't use a Wife Adapter™ without having someone to adapt into the wife, or
ann c. Oct 19, 2009, 5:18pm EDT
an old FAX machine. "Here's some snage, will that do?" asked David. "NO," yelled Lance as he prowled around behind the bar. He held up a smaragdine glass jar. "I may can work with this," he said to no one in particular. He added water to the jar and connected it to the
Tracy Fabre Oct 19, 2009, 5:27pm EDT
Wife Adapter™, and while the others watched, he studied architecturally-exact notations (some written on his forearms) and finally pressed the proper netsuke firmly. There was a whoooshing sound... a whirring sound... a little smoke, the scent of lightly-burnt popcorn, and
ann c. Oct 19, 2009, 5:34pm EDT
low and behold, nothing happened. David went into a paroxysm of laughter. Lance scratched his head and studied his forearms. "Ah, I see what happened. I forgot to attach the delivitous lever to the green wire." Lance picked up a screwdriver and began to
Tracy Fabre Oct 19, 2009, 5:43pm EDT
screw around appropriately, and when he was done screwing around, the Wife Adapter™ began to make a charivari unlike any other... and it sounded like Harcourt Fenton Mudd repeated over and over... Lance looked nervous. "It's not
ann c. Oct 19, 2009, 5:51pm EDT
what I expected but I think I can tweak it and make it better." David was still laughing and Vivian and Ann had joined in. This was even funnier than David's hobby of pocillony. Lance turned knobs and adjusted levers and even made a wish. Suddenly the front door to the bar
Tracy Fabre Oct 19, 2009, 6:05pm EDT
opened, and Sarah, still carrying her samphire from the beginning of the post, and also a leather-bound book from which she read, "Pocillovy refers to the collecting of eggcups... now who in the hell would... hello, what's all this?" She stared at Lance's
ann c. Oct 19, 2009, 6:15pm EDT
forearms. "I think you have gotten the wires crossed. That's why your tree isn't acarpous.". "My tree! This has nothing to do with a tree," Lance said as he noticed that pocillovy had been misspelled in the comment above the comment above. Vivian patted Lance on the
Lance L. Oct 19, 2009, 8:41pm EDT
adjoining area to his multiferous protuberance. An indication of an enterprise, not currently occupying the speculative resources of the island's swell handing rex. He speculated his peril at a such an assumptive and definitive response and decided . . . . .
Tracy Fabre Oct 19, 2009, 11:22pm EDT
the hell with it, he'd just whack it on the side. PRESTO! The whirring and grinding became the sound of angels singing (well, very small aligerous angels with slightly tinny voices), and out of a sudden brume, there stood something very like a wife! She was
ann c. Oct 20, 2009, 3:28pm EDT
missing some hair and edentulous but was female at least. Vivian quickly ran over with a tablecloth to cover the "wife". David found a casque and placed it on her hairless head and said to Lance, "Maybe a little more tweaking, huh." Lance studied his forearms again and
Tracy Fabre Oct 20, 2009, 5:10pm EDT
siffilated for a minute, then declared, "AHA! I left out the most important ingredient! Vivian, I need a quart of Salsa #3, stat!" Vivian was too startled to argue with the recovering salsa addict, and handed over a jug. Lance poured it
ann c. Oct 20, 2009, 6:55pm EDT
in the "wife's" mouth. She coughed and gagged and spit it out. A macula appeared on her face and she fainted. "Let's perform a mactation," David yelled out. Lance quickly threw himself in front of the "wife" and said, "Over my dead body and let's quit calling her the
Tracy Fabre Oct 20, 2009, 7:45pm EDT
demon spawn!" Vivian protested, "No one called her demon spawn!" Lance was confused: "I thought someone ... oh wait, it was lemon prawns... but... that makes no sense..." and then he passed out on top of The Wife, without having used even one obscure word.
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Oct 21, 2009, 5:19am EDT
However, he could be heard mumbling "plenipotentiary" under his breath as he struggled to resume a position orthogonal to the terra firma. Meanwhile the knucker's enmaculated though ersatz "wife" was
ann c. Oct 21, 2009, 10:30am EDT
picking herself up after being dropped by the funnel-shaped cloud. Knucker-wife as opposed to Adapter-wife had not fainted and was slowly making her way to Vivian's Bar to "settle the score" with Ann who was verecundly sipping on a NON-mint julep. Lance regained
Tracy Fabre Oct 21, 2009, 4:48pm EDT
six yards for a first down, and brushed the grass off his knees. "Adapted-wife," he said to the Adapted-wife, "Would you like a jorum of pulque?" Adapted-wife groaned, "Gaahhhhhrrrrhhaaghghdhahgggghhh...." While he stared, Knuckerwife
Lance L. Oct 21, 2009, 7:19pm EDT
gotz a boo boo on her boom-boom and made scooby dog all wanky in the barcolounger. "Fwee!!" said the mandigular nartlegen and made jub-jub on the . . . .

[Hey. I don't use these words anymore(?did I ever?) so that's archaic or little used enough for me.]
Tracy Fabre Oct 21, 2009, 10:15pm EDT
plastic xylophone. Knuckerwife sniffled for a moment and then resumed her trek toward Vivian's. Meanwhile, Lance was still trying to communicate with his crepitating Adapter-Wife, but she kept trying to chew on his arm, which was making his notes hard to read, so he
Mustafa Demiri Oct 22, 2009, 1:12am EDT
Finally decided that Adapter-Wife had reached a point of delenda and must be destroyed. He poured himself a nepenthean glass of bourbon with his free hand, and imbibed the spirit that would abet his hand in this regretful undertaking…
Tracy Fabre Oct 22, 2009, 3:10pm EDT
... and pressed the erythraean button on the left side of the black box. There was a pause. Adapter-wife said, uncertainly, "Clorkufahrrr?" and with a *whoosh* was sucked back into the box a la Barbara Eden as Jeannie. "A moment of silence," David suggested,
ann c. Oct 22, 2009, 5:18pm EDT
and perhaps a laconicum." Lance was so upset at the loss of Adapter-Wife that he suffered from a temporary bout of laloplegia. Vivian called for Rico to bring Lance another bourbon and make it a double. Rico yelled from the kitchen,
Tracy Fabre Oct 22, 2009, 6:21pm EDT
"We're out of bourbon! But we've got a case of grenadine syrup -- how about a Shirley Temple?" Vivian looked sympathetically upon Lance's suffering and yelled, "Okay, but make it a triple!" David patted Lance on one of his brachial appendages, and
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Oct 23, 2009, 3:44pm EDT
said - "Never fear! I always carry a flagon of ethanol!" He reached into his nether pantaloon pocket and produced an umber-colored flask. "Hmmm, this was either distilled from the roots of a Daucus carota or.. perhaps it was a Fagaceae. We'll know if you go blind and...
ann c. Oct 23, 2009, 3:53pm EDT
Lance refused the umber-colored flask that David offered but walked over to the bar and grabbed a jar of salsa. "This is all I need, " he said as he chugged down the whole jar. "I think I'll just forget this place and open a ranarium. I don't think my talents are appreciated
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Oct 23, 2009, 4:37pm EDT
Sarah's already done that, and what good did it do her - David was miffed - and I thought you were suffering from laloplegia? Temporary, gasped Lance, his tongue burning. Oh, too bad... I wonder if my wife could get that? Just a thought. Misogyny was never your
Tracy Fabre Oct 23, 2009, 6:10pm EDT
field of expertise, but look how I can switch from italics so easily!"

Just then, Mrs. Knucker lumbered through the door and clamped a scaly "hand" on Ann's shaking shoulder. "Antidisestablishmentarianism," she growled, and
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Oct 23, 2009, 6:20pm EDT
Ann, quickly translating this into a request for a double martini, called out "Dry Martini straight up, twist - and make it a double." "Will that be a gin or vodka martini?" the barkeep inquired. "Don't be making stuff up in this Tale" Ann groused. "There no such thing as a vodka martini"
Mustafa Demiri Oct 23, 2009, 6:36pm EDT
"There is so such a thing as a martini with vodka; it is called a martinoff" the barkeep did protest, " During the 70's, all the KGB agents in the Kremlin were ordering them "shaken not stirred"... I hate to tell you what they were doing in the 80's "
ann c. Oct 23, 2009, 6:37pm EDT
Rico brought over Ann's double martini and one for Sarah too who had just walked into the bar. She had been looking for a cure for rain and pain and not finding either of those had to come Vivian's seeking the only known cure for brain and Rico just happened to have one!! Sarah
Tracy Fabre Oct 23, 2009, 6:43pm EDT
--who had never left the bar earlier--was confused about her return, but not as confused as Mrs. Knucker, who had actually said she wanted to have Ann's left arm as a snack, and required no beverage along with it.
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Oct 23, 2009, 6:57pm EDT
Sarah took umbrage at this, and looked about for the bouncer. Seeing none, she took out her handy-dandy numchucks, and began swinging them about. Unfortunately, she knocked herself cold and had to be revived with another martini. No Marinoffs for her! Ann
Tracy Fabre Oct 25, 2009, 12:01am EDT
decided she would prefer not to have her arm eaten by a knucker, so she grabbed the nunchucks and swung them even more madly than Sarah had. This resulted in knocking out Lance, David and Rico, leaving her alone with Mrs. Knucker, who smiled evilly and
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Oct 25, 2009, 10:55pm EDT
said "No black belt for you, I gather..." Ann was in no mood for expatiation. She gazed at the numchucks a moment and then grasping one end, put forth a perfect roundhouse that left Mrs. Knucker out cold on the floor. She took a sip of her martini and decided
Tracy Fabre Oct 26, 2009, 12:32am EDT
to join the Peace Corps, but not today. Ann and Sarah, being the only conscious folk in a ten-foot radius, took this opportunity to study the recumbent Mrs. Knucker.

They declared her to be suffering from callomania, and
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Oct 26, 2009, 1:42am EDT
/or Gallomania, which made more sense. While Ann tried addressing her in French, Sarah took a moment to wonder what a water dragon was doing on dry land. "Let's drag her out to the beach", she said, "maybe the dry sand will kill her or maybe she'll go back in the water and
ann c. Oct 26, 2009, 12:12pm EDT
find her Mr. Knucker and live unhappily ever after. Sarah and Ann tried to grab the jaspe' scaled Mrs. Knucker but she was too slippery for them to hold. Abandoning that idea Sarah and Ann decided to try to entice Mrs. Knucker to the ocean by offering her
Tracy Fabre Oct 26, 2009, 1:21pm EDT
an outright bribe. While they were conferring as to how nummamorous she might be, the others recovered from their states of unconsciousnessesessess. "Whoa, look at the scales on that chick," said
ann c. Oct 27, 2009, 11:22am EDT
Lance, "and look at the s's in that above comment!" Mrs. Knucker was flattered by Lance's attention and slithered over toward him while turning this way and that to best show off her glimmering scales. Lance quickly ran into the kitchen to escape her macrural advances. He
Tracy Fabre Oct 27, 2009, 12:17pm EDT
was too late--she slung her tail around his ankle and brought him down. "Erm," he said nervously. David came to the rescue, whispering to Mrs. Knucker how to show off her scales even more advantageously, which was not the kind of help Lance wanted, but
Tracy Fabre Oct 27, 2009, 3:06pm EDT
then it became moot, because everyone passed out, even the commenter, who before hitting the floor was forced to do something she had never done before, namely, write consecutive comments. This was shocking. And very, very, quiet.
ann c. Oct 27, 2009, 3:20pm EDT
Ann flipped her hair over her shoulder and said, "Let's end this Knucker Woman." Ann slugged down a rum and coke (that just happened to be available) and grabbed Mrs. Knucker by the arm and threw her out of the bar. Tracy was on her way in and said,
Tracy Fabre Oct 27, 2009, 3:22pm EDT
"I don't even know her, but let me help you out, since I'm sure we don't need any Knuckers on the Island." She and Ann marched Mrs. Knucker out and down the beach to where a funnel cloud was loitering over a dark spot in the sand. "Don't give us any
ann c. Oct 27, 2009, 3:28pm EDT
lip you shiny scale beast," Tracy said as they pushed Mrs. Knucker toward the cloud. The Knucker wasn't going peacefully though. She ran to the closest palm tree and held on. David and Lance
Tracy Fabre Oct 27, 2009, 3:41pm EDT
staggered down the beach to help, but the wind in David's ruff was slowing him down and Lance was still feeling the pain from having been clutched by Mrs. Knucker. "And that's another thing," Ann yelled, "you were about to cheat on your husband!" She gave
ann c. Oct 27, 2009, 3:52pm EDT
Mrs. Knucker a rap on her snout and tried to pull her away from the tree. "But, but you don't understand," Mrs. Knucker cried. "Morty, that's Mr. Knucker to you, is mean to me. He's always flirting with beautiful women like you and Tracy and I just can't
Tracy Fabre Oct 27, 2009, 3:54pm EDT
compete!" Ann tossed her hair again dramatically and retorted, "Of course you can't, because you're mean, too! You're perfect for each other! Now let go of that tree, knucker chick, or I'll
ann c. Oct 27, 2009, 4:04pm EDT
be forced to call Susan, aka Thereness and she'll take care of you!" At the mention of Susan's name Mrs. Knucker let go of the tree and ran screaming toward the ocean and jumped in the waves. Tracy
</
Tracy Fabre Oct 27, 2009, 4:17pm EDT
cackled maniacally, made a quick run up to the top of the post to see what the ending comment phrase was, and declared -- as Mrs. Knucker swam forever out of sight -- "Seeing her leave macarizes me! I think the Island is a better place for her departure."