Oy, oy, oy.... Raegan

Two weeks ago, Raegan got suspended from school- a HUGE shock to my husband and I. The entire matter started out because Rae & a friend were joking around. They honestly didn't realize that what they were doing was not an appropriate way to joke around, until they were caught doing it. I won't specify, but suffice to say it wasn't anything that was meant to harm anyone. Just a bad joke in ill taste. She spent the entire weekend doing chores, and the next week picking up extra chores. She wasn't allowed to see friends, and after the incident, I reconnected with the mother of one of her old friends and decided it was time for her to start going back to her old youth group. It's a 20 minute drive each way, but her friends parents will bring her home if we drop her off, so it's not too bad. Plus, that friend has a really good head on her shoulders, and has always been a steadying influence in Rae's life.

Last year, she had trouble with her grades. Mostly math class, but she had some other classes that would dip down a bit from time to time. It isn't that she's not capable. It's that she just wasn't trying. Last year, she scored in the top 10 percentile in the state on her state exams. It's earned her a chance at taking the ACT's & SAT's early to help her get into some gifted programs outside of school.

So, when I say it isn't that she's not capable, I'm not just a parent deluding myself into thinking she's smarter than she is. I know she is, and the school knows she is.

All year, we've asked and asked about homework, but rarely did Raegan admit to having any. Today I got a call from her Math teacher. She had sent home a progress report on Friday that had to be signed by me, and turned back in. Had I seen it? Nope. The teacher went on to tell me that Raegan had missed several assignments, including a rather big one, and was now getting a 33% in the class. 33% out of 100%, I might add.

She asked if I had access to check grades online. For whatever reason last year, I was unable to log in. When I was asked about it last year, and told them I hadn't known there was one, it was made to sound like something I had to sign up for at the start of the year, so I let it slide last year without checking into it again.

This year, I asked at the start, and was told papers would be coming home with all the kids- nothing ever did, and it's not like Gilly or Chris hide things from me. I always see what those two bring home. It's Rae who claims nothing comes home.

Well, on the phone today, I was told how to go about getting my log in info, and how to set a password, so I could check out the kids grades, attendance, schedules, lunch account, missing assignments- heck, even their health records are listed.

I quickly called the right person, and got set up online. At my finger tips I was able to see a calender which lists all the grades entered into the computer each day, for each student, and each class. For instance, I know that on the 2nd, Chris got a C+ on a spelling test, and an A on a math test. I know that on last Friday, Raegan got an A- on a test for American History, but that in the same class, she got a D on a hand out she turned in.

It also shows exactly what the grades are from day to day. I already knew Rae was failing Math, but was ill prepared for the failing grade in American History, and in Earth Sciences. Because the site lists any reported missing assignments by teacher, I was able to go down the list, and email each of her teachers about homework she is missing for each class.

Surprisingly enough, her math class only has 1 assignment listed as missing, but good grades on the work she does turn in for Math class. My conclusion is that she must be missing more than the 1 reported assignment, so when I emailed her teacher, I asked for a full list.

I set the account up to email me a progress report daily. It's spammy in my email, because it sends me an email update on all 3 kids each day, and the emails are hard to read. But, at the very least, it should remind me to log in and check the site daily.

When Nick and I discussed it, we came up with a dead line for getting her grades up. I have heard back from 2 of her teachers so far, and both said she could absolutely turn the homework in late to help bring the grade up (in Spanish & Earth Science). Raegan and I are supposed to go to a concert on the 28th or 29th of this month. It was a special treat, and it was expensive. When she was grounded for being suspended, Nick and I discussed whether or not to take it away, and decided that the offense wasn't big enough to warrant losing the concert.

However, I feel that in this case, she has been lying to us almost from the start. She's missing assignments from back as far as the 2nd week of school. She's been lying when we ask about homework, she's been lying when we ask how her classes are going, and she's not doing what she promised at the start of the year- keeping up in class, asking for help when she needs it, letting us know when she's having problems, and getting decent grades. We don't expect all A's, but we expect passing grades in all her classes. There is no reason she should be failing classes, not when we're here to help, and not when her teachers are there to help.

Because of that, we decided that for her to be able to attend the concert, which is only 2 weeks away, she needs to get her past due homework all turned in, and needs to bring each of the grades she's failing up 1 letter. I don't have illusions of B's in those classes, at least not with only 2 weeks to raise them. But, we do expect an effort. If she can get the past due work in (and she will be expected to do it whether the teachers are going to give her credit at this point for it or not), and keep on top of her daily homework assignments, then she should have no problem bringing her grades up. If she can do all that, she can go to the concert.

If not, I told her I have no qualms about either selling the tickets, or hiring a baby sitter for the evening to watch the kids so Nick and I can go, since it IS a concert both him and I would enjoy. Nick was hesitant to follow through with this one due to the cost of the tickets, but when I told him we'd either sell the tickets, or use them ourselves, he was more than willing to follow through.

Additionally, she has to have the same things done in order for her to go trick or treating with us on Halloween. It's only a few days after the concert, so chances are, if she can go to the concert, she can trick or treat, and vice versa- if she can't get them up in time for the concert, she likely won't be able to get them up in time for Halloween. I told her that if this is the case, she will be remaining home with either Nick or I to pass out treats this year. Typically, we always go out as a family, all 5 of us, so this hurts us as well as her, since it means one of us won't be able to enjoy the kids going out.

Lastly, we're having a Halloween Party on Halloween this year. Each of the kids were allowed to invite 4 friends. She had officially invited 2 friends last week, but hasn't invited the other two. I told her that at this point, she will not be allowed to invite anyone else.

I'm more upset at the blatant lying than the grades. I have a communication hub now to email her teachers, and I now know when she is or isn't telling me the truth about homework.

When she got here today, I asked if she had any homework due. She told me nope. I asked if she was sure, and again, no homework. So, I asked her why her Math teacher was telling me differently. She said that she talked with her math teacher after the teacher talked with me, and turned everything that was late in. I told her until I got confirmation of that from her teacher, I was considering all of that homework late. I gave her a pass on doing the math tonight, because I emailed her teacher for confirmation about which assignments have or have not been turned in.

I received an email from her Spanish teacher about 2 assignments. When I asked Rae, she said they were done, just not turned in. She went on to say her teacher never reminded her that they were due, but her teacher wrote that she asks the kids every day for past due assignments. I told Raegan that it isn't her teachers fault that she's A) not doing the work, and B) not paying attention in class when she IS reminded.

I made her bike back to school and get her Spanish homework. She did show me one of the assignments IS done AND graded, so I'm guessing the teacher just forgot to record it. I made her do the other one, though. She's currently getting a B- in that class, so maybe with both missing assignments in, she can raise it to a B or B+.

For her Earth Science class (D-), she has a project due that she's been telling the teacher she has done, and that "mom keeps forgetting to give me the flash drive so I can bring it into class", which is a lie, because A) she's never asked me for a flash drive, and B) she knows we don't even HAVE a flash drive. I told her teacher that we would burn it to disc tonight, and she would bring it in tomorrow.

Raegan told me it was done. I said "Good, because your teacher is expecting it to be turned in tomorrow." Right now, she's typing away to finish it, because, duh, it wasn't completed. Go figure.

I'm waiting for confirmation on missing work from her other teachers before I proceed, but I told her she IS expected to complete ALL of the missing assignments, even if the teacher won't give her credit for them.

-sigh-

Am I over reacting?