by Ruthi C.
Member since:
July 2, 2009

Stand Against Domestic Violence

October 06, 2009 11:28 PM UTC (Updated: October 15, 2009 02:54 PM UTC)
views: 0 | comments: 60

 

Stand Against Domestic Violence
A Daughter's Plea
©Ruth Cox

 

I have wept incessantly, decades of tears,

Reflected fluorescently, hued in mirrors.

Shrouded in silence, a bruised bosom portrays

Domestic violence, a loved one betrayed.

In the autumn of my life, cheeks grayed by rain,

Mid memory of strife, and shrieks of disdain,

My spirit cries, in soulfully sought release,

From wretched reprise, begs woefully for peace.

As a daughter of the dead, pleas I impute:

When abuse rears ugly head, cease to be mute;

Stand aghast at the maimed, at death of mothers;

Apathy is the shame when breath is smothered.

I implore you now, nigh another will prey

Upon a weak brow, beaten down in foul play.

This survivor knows, together we must band

To battle the blows, fury of raging hand.

 

 

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In Memory of Mom ~ Anna Mae Cox
July 12, 1935 ~ December 1, 1975
Death by Domestic Violence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Note: Written as an October 2009 prompt response for Susan Budig's group, Mindful Poetry. Unable at this time  to record the dramatic monologue, submitting it as written.

Comments: 60

Linda T. Oct 7, 2009, 1:08am UTC
We need to reach out and help stop this violence from happening. One life lost is one life too many.
Ruthi C. Oct 7, 2009, 2:25pm UTC
YES we do Linda, thank you! If sharing my Mother's story, my story, my family's story, can help 1 person, save 1 person, then we've not suffered in vain!
Frances Ayers Nov 2, 2009, 1:56pm UTC
As the daughter of a domestic violence survivor,I identify with this poem strongly.More people need to become involved!A lovely poem Ruth!
Ruthi C. Nov 3, 2009, 9:05am UTC
Absolutely Frances! We need to shout it out that abuse of any kind is unacceptable, get involved when we know there is abuse, then there would be less children of domestic violence. Thank you for sharing a bit of yourself, Frances, blessings & a bit o' sunshine!
d d. Oct 7, 2009, 7:14am UTC
Ruth, Wonderful tribute to your mother. I am so sorry that she and you had to experience the trauma of an uncontrolled human. A strong and powerful message. sending hugs.
Ruthi C. Oct 7, 2009, 2:36pm UTC
dd...CRAP happens and it's up to each of us to CUT the CRAP! I really don't know how else to word this, as it really is up to each and every one of us to bring all forms of domestic violence and abuse to a screeching halt.

I applaud you dd, for reading and commenting on my plea! If we cannot even talk about it, discuss it, how in the hell are we gonna stop it!? Example...look at my views vs comments...it's insane! Some may be uncomfortable discussing it. Well, gheesh, abuse is flippin' uncomfortable! Some may not be Gather members, so what! Flippin' sign up and join the discussion! Seriously, we are all responsible for this abuse continuing...OK, gettin' down off the shoutin' box now...:-)
d d. Oct 7, 2009, 3:07pm UTC
You are so right. An abused person needs to speak out to stop others and to make those that are or were being abused to know that they are not alone and to get help.
There are topics that people are afraid to approach, sometimes they just don't have the words... they should just say "I hear you, Ruthi!" or "sending you support.".... come on gather's...just do it.

ps. I have the same type of article,where I'm sure people will read it and quietly click out. oh well.
Ruthi C. Oct 7, 2009, 4:14pm UTC
dd...please feel free to post your link here. Anytime you're on a post of mine, you are more than welcome to drop a link of your own! Now I'm flyin' over to your place :-)
Susan Budig - Mindful Poet Oct 7, 2009, 11:50am UTC
Ruthi, this is the first poem to be featured this month in Mindful Poetry.
Thank you for taking on the challenge. Have you written about your mother in the past? Is this an old poem or fresh? How was it for you to write and post it?

I laud you warmly, lovingly for putting this out for us to read and discover.
Ruthi C. Oct 7, 2009, 2:20pm UTC
Susan, this was written and immediately posted. Lord no, it's not the first and surely won't be the last. I generally write a poem on domestic violence/abuse for DV and Child Abuse months, Mom's birthday, death day, mother's day, and so forth. Each time I relive the events visually and emotionally, but that's OK, I do it anyway.

For me, writing about it isn't cathartic in any way. I lived it the abuse and whatever injuries and feelings I have from that, I've come to own and give them as free a reign in my everyday life as any other event or feeling. For me this works...otherwise I'd go (totally) insane, I think! It would serve no healthy purpose to shove it into a crevice to be forgotten, because it would announce itself in its own way. This way, I control it, it doesn't control me.

Susan, thank you for the feature. And I have a friend checking to see if he has an extra microphone & if he does, I'll try to figure out how to record this for you :-) I've never done that & would like to!

And thank you for the warmth & love Susan!
Ruthi C. Oct 7, 2009, 2:29pm UTC
pss...Susan, please critique this, too! I may not change a thing, but then again I may. So please, if you can offer any constructive changes, feel free to do so. Thank you :-)
Susan Budig - Mindful Poet Nov 1, 2009, 1:12am UTC
I forgot about your request. I can't do it now, I'm working on three Gather group posts plus my kids are all still up! I'll be back....
Ruthi C. Nov 1, 2009, 8:20am UTC
No rush m'dear!
Abused, used, lied to and hopeful...pulling the abused in all directions...yes we do have to speak out and help protect those who are too scared or crushed to do so themselves
Ruthi C. Oct 8, 2009, 9:07am UTC
We must for sure Katherine! And we must do so without judgement. We must also help the abusers, so that the pattern of violence is not continued.
Connie L. Oct 7, 2009, 10:25pm UTC
Domestic violence is sooo sad. I have been a victim, one who was able to escape and rebuild. It affects your entire life forever even when you survive it. This is an area where I do wish to become a helper with if I ever obtain enough education to receive the right to help. Thank you for this submission, Ruthi.
Ruthi C. Oct 8, 2009, 9:19am UTC
Connie, that's a wonderful goal and I believe that you will attain it! I am happy that you escaped and rebuild. The rebuilding is as difficult as the escape most times.
Kelly Kay Oct 8, 2009, 9:02am UTC
Thank you for sharing this painful story. People need to hear these stories and see the faces that have been the victims. These are real people, they could be anyone, domestic violence is not stopping. I believe between the stress of the war, the recession and job loss even more people are falling victim to this.

We need to shout until we are heard, speak publicly to school children and get involved when we know someone is being abused. Keep telling the story, thank you for posting this, I know it is very painful.
Ruthi C. Oct 13, 2009, 8:53pm UTC
Kelly, thank you for reading it! Yes, those of us who are able, need to share our stories in hopes of helping others to understand and maybe even help to save one person from suffering any longer.

I agree that these economic times will increase tensions in some families and unfortunately when that happens, abuse happens. That's not to say that it doesn't happen in financially stable families, it does; abuse is unfortunately everywhere.

I will keep telling my story until nobody wants to listen anymore & I doubt that time will ever come. Yes it's painful, but abuse is painful, and it is something that we must talk about and do something about so that someone's pain can be alleviated.
Madame Butterfly ~~ mary ann d ~~ Oct 8, 2009, 4:32pm UTC
Decades of tears is such a haunting phrase, and I know you have cried them. I'm so sorry about the trauma and loss that you had to suffer, along with your siblings. A loss like this changes you. You are not the same. What a tribute to your mother, and what words of wisdom you have penned, Ruthi. As Lewis told us in a post, it is possible to stop the cycle of violence. More victims need to speak out so the abusers can get help.

Powerful poem, Ruthi.
Ruthi C. Oct 13, 2009, 8:58pm UTC
Mary Ann, the tears have surely been cried! It seems the older I get the more I cry them too, strange how I thought I'd dealt with this so long ago, but yet it keeps surfacing for one reason or another. As you say, it changes a person, no doubt in my mind. My baby brother was 8 years old when his mommy died, what the heck must his mind have thought at the time! I believe it is possible to stop the violence and it is definitely importantly to get help for the abusers as well as those they abuse.

Thank you Mary Ann!
DIANE D. Oct 11, 2009, 8:10pm UTC
Thanks , I am a surviver, so lucky.
Ruthi C. Oct 13, 2009, 9:01pm UTC
Bless you Diane! I am curious...how do you feel about the term survivor? I ask because I don't like it. I don't feel like a survivor, I feel like a victim. When you survive such a violence, physically and/or emotionally, it takes parts of you, literally steals the life from you, so how is that not being a victim. I don't explain it well, I know, it's just a term that has always bothered me to some degree.
Susan Roberts Oct 13, 2009, 8:41pm UTC

My heart goes out to you. I was in an abusive marriage for 28 years, there is more than one type of abuse. Mental can be almost as deadly as physical abuse. The book I wrote, GOD and The Hillbilly deals with how abuse can affect everyone in the family. It does not hurt just the one that is recieving it, but also the other family members and even friends. Your poem is so true. (((HUGS)))
Ruthi C. Oct 13, 2009, 10:08pm UTC
Susan, I so agree with you. I've always said that the damage the emotional abuse did to me is irreparable, the physical wounds heal (in most cases). I wish I had realized that decades ago and could have saved myself a whole lot of emotional abuse. For decades I had myself convinced that since I let no man lay a hand on me that I wasn't like my mother. Wrong! And of course, eventually the phsical occurred also. Domestic violence takes its toll, it occurs with a price, a high price for all concerned.

HUGs Susan & blessings & a bit o' sunshine!
JustMe ~I'm happy to be~ Oct 13, 2009, 9:20pm UTC
I couldn't agree more. A very powerful write.
Ruthi C. Oct 13, 2009, 10:10pm UTC
Thank you JustMe! Your happy to be always brings me to smile :-)
Sheila Deeth Oct 15, 2009, 12:14am UTC
Wow! So often the unseen hurt. A great poem. A great tribute.
Ruthi C. Oct 15, 2009, 11:21am UTC
So often indeed Sheila!
Thank you.
Dianna Doles-Petry Oct 15, 2009, 10:57am UTC
My dear, dear friend, this is a very wonderful tribute to your mother and the woman you have become that carrys her legacy. No one should ever die at the hands of someone who is supposed to love them. Domestic violence should never be tolerated and as you said, it is not a crime that happens to one victim, the entire family becomes a victim carrying the scars and emptiness every day of their lives.
Ruthi C. Oct 15, 2009, 11:21am UTC
One day I must sit down and write the story all in one place, so to speak. My Mother's death destroyed a family, my family, and that I can never get back. I was reminded of that again this past week in contact with a couple of my siblings. So sad that I am closer to you, to family-by-choice, than to blood relations. Tho' that is a wondrous family to be part of, it is still a reminder of the family destroyed by domestic violence.
Dianna Doles-Petry Oct 15, 2009, 1:30pm UTC
((((Ruthi)))), I hear you on the family-by-choice, and you're right, it is a terrible reminder of the the great loss your family endured. I'll be the first one standing in line to buy that story when you write it. That is one that should be written and sold to magazines, or used by the agencies that work so hard to prevent domestic violence. Either way, as always, you'll have my full support.
Ruthi C. Oct 15, 2009, 3:01pm UTC
Since I love my family-by-choice, it's not a terrible reminder, just a reminder of the loss created by domestic violence.
Elizabeth Ann R. Oct 15, 2009, 1:51pm UTC
This is a beautiful tribute to your mother, Ruthi. I am so sorry that your mother and you had to go through all this. We are always here for you.
Ruthi C. Oct 15, 2009, 2:58pm UTC
Thank you Elizabeth, you've been here for me for years now & I expect you'll always be. Tho' written in memory of my Mother, it is a daughter's plea to all, to do what we can to end the nightmare of domestic violence and child abuse.
Angela A. Oct 15, 2009, 10:31pm UTC
This is so very beautiful!
Thanks for posting to my group, Anythingwriting
Ruthi C. Oct 16, 2009, 12:55am UTC
I truly thank you Angela!
Granny Janny Oct 16, 2009, 2:02am UTC
This is an awesome beginning to what I know you will contribute to a cry for the end of domestic abuse. I am sorry for your mother and pray for all women who suffer in this terrible way.
Ruthi C. Oct 16, 2009, 1:48pm UTC
I stand against domestic violence ev'ry chance I get and it is my plea that all do same. No man, woman, nor child should have their breath smothered by abuse.

Thanks Granny Janny!
Jennifer K. Oct 16, 2009, 2:01pm UTC
Ruthi that is a wonderful tribute to yourmother. I am so sorry for your horrible loss. I hope that your stand against domestic violence saves more than one life, saves more than one child from losing their mother, saves the women of the world that suffer at the hands of their supposed loved one. I am sorry that this horror not only took your mother too soon, but also destroyed your family. ((((((HUGS)))))) You are my ray o sunshine friend to the end.
Ruthi C. Oct 17, 2009, 9:33pm UTC
Thank you ever so much my friend & HUGs right back to you Jennifer!

I look at it this way...if each one of us takes a stand against violence - of any kind - and if each one of us can save one life by doing so...the war against violence will be won!
Jennifer K. Oct 19, 2009, 11:35am UTC
That is the best way to look at it Ruthi. We need to all be able to save someone from violence of any sort. I teach my children that no one likes a bully, and it won't be tolerated in my house. I have also taken a course in child abuse detection and prevention for Cub Scouts and Girl Scouts.
Ruthi C. Oct 19, 2009, 1:12pm UTC
You are teaching your children well m'dear! I applaud you for the course you've taken against abuse!
Jennifer K. Oct 19, 2009, 1:22pm UTC
It makes me sick to my stomach to hear about anyone being abused by the people in their lives that are supposed to love them. It's appalling.
Ruthi C. Oct 25, 2009, 7:15pm UTC
"...in the name of love..." I, too, think is the worst abuses of them all.
How truly sad. :( Than you SO much for sharing, Ruth.
Ruthi C. Oct 17, 2009, 9:34pm UTC
Thank YOU Stacey!
tame mainstay Nov 2, 2009, 1:21pm UTC
"It would serve no healthy purpose to shove it into a crevice to be forgotten, because it would announce itself in its own way. This way I control it; it doesn't control me..."

Ruthi C. This quotable quote ought to make its way around the world. How many beautiful individuals don't know their worth and have no advocate? May you go far and wide, breaking the code of silence... x tame
Ruthi C. Nov 2, 2009, 1:47pm UTC
Thank you ever so much for your comment and I pray I prove worthy of the quotable one day.

(Hmmm...I've an idea for that quotable, I'll get back to you soon with that.)
tame mainstay Nov 2, 2009, 1:51pm UTC
I wait, with anticipation! x tame
Ruthi C. Nov 2, 2009, 3:41pm UTC
Here you go , and thank you again m'dear...

SHOUT it OUT! ~ Domestic Violence
tame mainstay Nov 2, 2009, 1:54pm UTC
PS You were worthy of that quote, before you exited your mother's womb... x tame
Ruthi C. Nov 2, 2009, 3:41pm UTC
You are correct, thank you for the reminder!

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