Why I Quit Songwriting

Without going into an elaborate and painfully personal examination of my reasons and realities, I finally understood that it didn't matter whether I was talented or clever as a songwriter.  My Muse was killing me slowly, demanding far too much of my spirit for it to be a healthy exercise.

Besides, when I was a child, I always wanted to be a legitimate dancer.  I was never blessed with a supportive family and pretty much had to teach myself improvisational dance.  It never lead to my being an artist, but it was where my heart truly could be free and whole.

Also, there was this nasty little habit I had: every time I fell in love, I tried to impress the object of my affection by trying to be the woman I thought he would want me to be.  After about the second strike (which happened most recently) I realized that this was a load of crap and that I had to change.  So I looked deep within me and understood what I need to do.

I'm planning to go back to college to take some part-time movement and dance courses so I can learn some technique.  Though many years ago I did take ballet, I never finished it for some really personal reason--I flaked out, and I never did properly drop the class so I got an "F" for not showing up enough.  But I was really stupid back then.  I'll admit that much.

I don't want to be that stupid ever again: to drop out of my life for the sake of a potential lover.  Most times, that potential fizzles away into nothing...as it did most recently.  I got caught up in something that was stealing my happiness--anyone who has read the lyrics I've written in the past two years can see the obvious.

Now, I want to be happy.  For me to be happy, I need to dance.  That is where I am now, and I don't think I'll ever want to be a professional musician or songwriter.  No use in making myself miserable and plastering that all over the place.  I must move, and I must survive.  There is no other path for me to take.