Some of you may have heard that we released the results of a new Mom Survey this week that we conducted with Mom Central Consulting. Over 1,300 Gather Moms participated in the study and shared with us their feelings about friendships, loneliness, support and how these factors impact the time they spend online.
We found that Moms are feeling lonely. 60% of the moms we surveyed report feelings of loneliness in the past month. And 4 out of 5 moms feel like they don’t have enough friends in their lives.
These feelings of loneliness seem rooted in a variety of causes. Less than half of the Moms who answered the survey live near family. 50% report not feeling they get enough support from their spouse.
In honor of our study and in thanks to all of you who participated and shared yourselves, I thought I would share my top three loneliest mom moments (to date):
The 3 AM feeding: B is 3 weeks old: My husband had a big meeting the next day so I told him to sleep through the feedings and not worry about getting up with me. B for some reason, on this particular night, was WIDE awake and not going to go back to sleep after he ate. For some reason he was completely cross-eyed that night and was just staring me down with this demon look. In this moment I desperately needed to call someone who could reassure me that 1) my baby was not a demon sent to destroy me 2) that I was not having a post-partum psychotic episode 3) that this was normal and he would not be cross-eyed forever. In this desperate moment I went online and was able to find a mom forum that answered question #2 and making me realize that I was not seeing things. Question #1 in still on the table.
Friday, 9 PM: B is 4 Weeks old: My husband went off on his first business trip and was returning on Friday evening. B had been really tough that day and was finally at this point sleeping fitfully in his car seat (would not lie on his back). I was so excited for J to come home and relieve me for a few hours so I could take a shower, call people back, check my email, and talk to another human being about how hard being a new parent was. At 10pm the door swung open, J stumbled in, and I was hit full on with the smell of scotch. J was completely wasted. He got drunk on the train with his colleague talking about how hard being a new parent was. He was going to be no help to me at all that night. By the time the hoopla of me freaking out on him died down it was 11pm. The baby would be waking up at any minute. It was too late to call anyone.
Friday 9 AM: B is 3 Months Old: My mother in law came to town and told me to go have a day by myself. I was getting ready to go back to work and was so excited to have some free time first. I left the house with a gym bag, change of clothes, book to read etc. By noon, I had done all of the “me time” things and started calling everyone I knew to find someone to go to lunch and shop with. Everyone I spoke with was too busy (at work, with their own kids, out of the country and I had no idea they were even going etc.). It was then that I realized how drastically life was changing for us all and how I was losing touch.
In sharing some of these moments with other moms today, I heard so many similar stories. Being a mom is hard. You need people to talk it through with. You need people to just take your mind off it and remind you who else you are. If for whatever reason (and there are so many) you don’t have the support offline that you need, I truly encourage you to find it online. There are a lot of moms who are in the same boat.
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