Through all the years, we’ve shared so much,
Our everyday journey’s, just one thing to touch,
Always new things to add, just like the days do,
No soul in this world, I’d rather share with then you.
The good times we share, the bad times too,
All together make up, my past shared with you,
Our children, our hurt, our laughs, our tears,
Wrapped up in this life, sometimes there is fear.
We fight for our attention, the bills we do to,
Yet lay next to each other, like people in love do,
Knowing what we conquer, each and everyday,
Is what makes our life, and lets us choose to stay.
So when you think, that times are tough,
To much to bare, it’s getting to rough,
Just thank the lord, you never alone,
With your beautiful wife, and wonderful home.
Nation!!!
recommend this
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 31 ( 1 removed by Nation !!!! )
This is beautiful, Roger.
Marilyn
loved it, thanks for posting it
Very meaningful post thanks for the poem, i loved it
"So when you think, that times are tough,
To much to bare, it’s getting to rough,
Just thank the lord, you never alone,
With your beautiful wife, and wonderful home. "
Thanks for posting to my group, Anythingwriting
Thank you
Through all the years, we’ve shared so much, (interesting beginning even though it is a bit wordy)
Our everyday journey’s, just one thing to touch,(journey's [?])
Always new things to add, just like the days do,(this line makes no sense)
No soul in this world, I’d rather share with then you.(do you think before you write, or do you just whip it out there?)
The good times we share, the bad times too, (this is starting to sound like a poorly written 1950's melodrama)
All together make up, my past shared with you, (you really should reread this stuff, and then get it interviewed by a sixth grader before you post it)
Our children, our hurt, our laughs, our tears, (jumbling metaphors is always difficult, isn't it?)
Wrapped up in this life, sometimes there is fear. (Oboy, this is so insightful, I don't know what to do with it!)
We fight for our attention, the bills we do to, (How about: We struggle in the waning light of thought, with all we've squandered, and all we've sought!)
Yet lay next to each other, like people in love do, (yeah, right...more brilliance, except you could have said: Our skins touched with trembling want, our eyes met with longing, and in the drifting space of time, our hearts entwined.)
Knowing what we conquer, each and everyday, (everyday, or every day? Suggestion, study some basics in diction)
Is what makes our life, and lets us choose to stay. ('Is' is supposed to mean 'Knowing what we conquer...? I would have used an eraser on this one)
So when you think, that times are tough, (never, ever put a comma before 'that', unless 'that' can be replaced with 'this', or 'which...)
To much to bare, it’s getting to rough, (Allow me: Too much to bear, it's getting too rough)
Just thank the lord, you never alone, (Choosing the wrong words purposefully - 'you' instead of 'you are', or 'you're' is never advised - unless you rewrite the entire poem so it matches one ape's grunt, to another ape's grunt)
With your beautiful wife, and wonderful home. (I could have done so much with you, and would have been obligated to, if I was ever given the job to be your tutor in English!)
[Creativity requires constant vigilance. Without it, what you end up extruding from your effort is...far less than you, or anyone else can appreciate.)
Now take this criticism in the light that it is offered. If I didn't think you can do any better, I wouldn't have bothered.
i get what you mean but you are acting as if he is sending this to be edited. and i believe you are being a bit to rude by saying.
And i quote "No soul in this world, I’d rather share with then you.(do you think before you write, or do you just whip it out there?)
The good times we share, the bad times too, (this is starting to sound like a poorly written 1950's melodrama)"
i think you were being a little to mean to Nation he did not post this to be torn down!
i know how hard it is to write somthing correctly.
i hope you didn't take his words to heart (KEEP WRITING)!!! ;)
"To much to bare, it’s getting to rough, (Allow me: Too much to bear, it's getting too rough)"
I would suggest you use Wikipedia before ripping apart another’s works.
You did not review this...you tortured it?
Typically, when one is offering constructive criticism it is not with sarcasm.