Sexy Question of the Day

My husband tried a couple times when we first got married. He got drunk, tried to push me around. I pushed back and he quickly realized it wasn't worth it. He not a bad man but he grew up with it and just needed to see that it wasn't the norm and I wouldn't put up with it. We been together now 32 yrs.

I'm so sorry to hear that you have problems with both men.

Stuart never abused me. He loved me. I have missed him terribly since he passed away in 2005.

Can't imagine staying with an abuser. There are too many good men out there. I simply would not. My father abused me, which may have hardened my fight back or run ttitude that I have now. One thing I did was to have heard that women often marry men like their fathers, and I swore not to do that--and succeeded wonderfully.

My ex husband and I have no clue why I believed deep down he loved me. Short of killing me, there is not much he didn't do. I really had no idea how bad it really was until it was finally over. If he had been kind, he would have just left things alone when we first separated. I think he wanted to keep me on a back burner which is why he wouldn't sign the divorce papers. We were apart for more of the marriage then collectively the time spent together. I don't really feel like getting any more specific than I already have. It is unthinkable how someone could have done the things he did to me. At least I survived.

People put up with a lot of things that they normally wouldn't/shouldn't for the sake of their children...but, everything has an expiration date (as a friend of mine so eloquently puts it).

Mental abuse can be just difficult as other types and even harder sometimes because you can't "see" the scars. I am a survivor of domestic abuse - physical, mental, psychological, financial and others I don't want to discuss. I left my first husband over 15 years ago and still don't really talk about it. Sometimes my poetry reflects my feelings but I'm still guarded, a remnant from abuse.

My current hubby and I had a couple of run-ins at the beginning (I had actually turned rather abusive myself after interacting that way for so long with my ex). He was patient and understand with me as I went through counseling and rebuilt my personal world slowly. We have ten wonderful years of marriage behind us now. I discovered you may find love in the most unexpected places and faces...

No but I've had a close relative and a good friend who were. So sad when they keep "making excuses", both finally left with their kids.

Not physically but mentally. The relationship has been over for 20 years. About 5 years ago he called me out of the blue. I didn't call back. About 8 months ago, he sent me a friends request on FB which I declined and quickly figured out how to block someone from contacting me.

Abuse comes in many shapes and forms. I know many will disagree with me but I feel psychological abuse is sometimes worse than physical abuse. When the abuse is purely physical there is a chance to fight back but with psychological abuse the victim begins to believe they deserve the abuse. It is harder to recover when the abuse kills your self esteem. No type of abuse is acceptable.

With my first husband the abuse did not start until I actually left the marriage. He did not want the marriage to end and would stalk me and break into my apartment. The police never arrested him and always told him to just go for a walk until I calmed down. This was the early 80's and spousal abuse was still being swept under the rug.

My current husband knows I will not tolerate being pushed around but he has a poor concept of what constitutes abuse. He convinces himself that shoving and pushing are not the same as hitting. I disagree. We have had fights that do get physical but since I refuse to sit back and take it I run the risk of also being arrested should the police ever get involved. Luckily is does not get that far.

Yep. Why does abuse ever occur? Nope, no longer married to the SOB.

My ex husband was abusive. He was just emotionally at first, then he started throwing things at me. I don't doubt that eventually he would have hit me. Obviously, since he is my EX husband I am no longer with him.

Not me but I have seen a lot of abuse of others in my life.

My first husband used to beat me up weekly. When I got to the place where I was fighting back, I divorced his sorry, non-working ass. My second husband abused me mentally, and got two women pregnant at the same time while we were still married. My present husband knows that if he ever even considered it (which he wouldn't do anyway...it's against his nature), I'd bury his butt in the back yard. It occurred because I wasn't strong enough or secure enough to stop it.

Not myself, but nursed a couple of wounded friends through college. It nearly tore my heart out watching them self implode, but they both got out and moved on to healthier and happier relationships. Good marriages and many beautiful children they are thriving. Good friends who can hold back the darkness are are blessing without measure.

Why? I suppose it is issues of self worth on both sides of the coin. The abuser would never behave that way if they felt good about themselves and the abused would realize they deserve far more. A person can only be defined by the labels they put on themselves, including victim.

Tomorrow is always a new day to start anew. Blessings to those seeking life anew.

Without going into details..I have been in a bad situation

yes

I've been abused all my life.

a roommate of mine tried to kill me once. if I hadn't awakened, he would had.

Yes for a few months. He was insanely jealous. He was even jealous of my 3 yr old if I paid the baby to much attention. We only lasted a year. I wouldn't put myself or my child through that.

mental only and that didn't last long. I left.

among other things, my first wife hit me in the back of my head with a cast iron skillet.
I have no ideal where she is, otherwise I could redoo the famous movie, "death race 2000" there.

My husband verbally abused me for 11 years. Actually, we are separated but he is still verbally abusing me. We meet 3-4 times a week to exchange our kiddies (they live with me) and thats when he gets his digs in. Even though I KNOW the things he says aren't true, they still hurt me. My self-esteem and self-confidence has been demolished.

He had started slamming doors in anger, slamming other things around and it seemed to be getting worse. One night he pushed a dinner plate out of my hand so forcefully that it bounced off my TOE and landed about 6 feet away. Finally, he made a mistake by locking me in the bathroom (with him inside too) until I answered rhetorical questions that belittled me. I went to court and got a protective order thank goodness. I didn't realize I was being verbally abused until he was out of the house. I guess I just thought that's how relationships were. It didn't help that my parents argued most of the time and finally got divorced.

Now I'm ready to find love. It's only been a little over a year that we've been separated. What do you think? Have I not let enough time go by before feeling ready to look for love?

Have you been in therapy at all? It's important to learn how about healthy relationships before venturing out again.

Dear Esther, if anybody ever abuses you mentally or physically, just let me know their name. I will personally take care of it for you.

Yes... I have a tendancy to keep those men into my life. Started with my first fiance, then husband, boyfriend.. and occasionally new husband... but it's getting better with him...thanks to counseling.
They've all been physical and emotional/psychological abusers.
I wasn't raised that way either. :(

Ester, I don't understand why a woman like you (or any woman at all) would continue with a person that abuses you. My advice to you and anyone who is being abused is to get out, immediately. It is not normal, it is not right, it is not something you can 'work out' with a person. The person has to work it out on their own, preferably before they enter a relationship. It is not worth it, believe me.

When I was 17 I married a man who during our first and only year married, started hitting me. By the last few months of the marriage he was withholding sex (the only way to really hurt me) and had a very odd bedtime ritual. While I was brushing my teeth he would rub one off onto my side of the double bed - rolling back to his side just as I came in to bed. We were divorced before the year was out.

Five years later I married a man who would emotionally abuse me for the next 20 years of marriage and then about 4 more years after. He's the father of my children. While I cared for his children and mother, he was mostly gone having sex with ugly women who worked for him. After he was gone I realized he'd stolen thousands and thousands of dollars from me. Had at least one child with another woman and SO much more. Sorry for bitching, he's in town this week with his old goat and it just unerves me. Fear and denial are such terrible words.