Is lack of sex a legitimate reason for infidelity? That would depend on who you ask. If you ask one of the many people who are being denied sex in their marriage, the answer might very well be yes. If you ask one of the people who is denying sex to their spouse, the answer would most likely be no.
Marriage is an agreement in which a couple agrees to â€œlove, honor and cherishâ€¦forsaking all othersâ€¦in sickness and in healthâ€¦til death we do partâ€. It pretty much goes without saying that when a couple gets married, sex is considered to be a given. Sex is supposed to be the ultimate expression of love between a husband and a wife.
John and his wife, Sandy had been married for almost 25 years. Together they had 6 children. At one point there was evidently a lot of sex going on. John and Sandy were seen by others as the â€œperfect coupleâ€. What most people did not realize is that Sandy had stopped having sex with John. One day she just decided she didnâ€™t want to do it anymore and she told him that he would just have to deal with it. At the time, John was only 45 years old.
John pleaded with Sandy to go to the doctor to see if there was a medical reason for her lack of desire. When she refused, he suggested marriage counseling for the both of them. Again, Sandy refused. Sandy told John that she still loved him, but that she no longer felt any sexual desire. She thought he should be happy with the sexual relationship they had once shared and accept that it was over. She said that unless John married her for sex alone, he should accept this.
John was in a predicament. He loved Sandy and wanted to stay married to her. On the other hand, living the rest of his life without an intimate sexual relationship with his wife was not something he could even imagine.
Johnâ€™s saw the choices before him and none of them were appealing. He could stay with Sandy and live a celibate life. He could stay with Sandy and find sex elsewhere. The third choice was to get a divorce.
This is a situation that is difficult for everyone involved. Certainly, it is unfair for Sandy to expect John to live the rest of his life with her as a celibate. Actually, it seems more than a little selfish. John could easily tell her that if she really loves him, she would want to do whatever it takes to help restore their sex lifeâ€¦including counseling.
What happened with John and Sandy? John chose to stay with her and live without sex. He fell into a deep depression. The lack of sexual intimacy has affected other areas of their marriage, and they have slowly grown apart.
Sexless marriages, according to Dr. Phil are an epidemic and can be attributed to several different factors. He also says that it is important for a couple to learn how to negotiate both of their needs in the relationship.