My dad died four years ago. He had a second, but unrelated bout with a "highly treatable" cancer. He died before his 64th birthday. Before my 30th. Before I got my life back on track, but before I derailed it, too. Before I got married, or before I realized I was never getting married.
He died before he could help my mom and I discover the adult in eachother. He died before he could finish teaching me all of the lessons I needed to know. How to deal with a furious, domineering boss. How to spot or at least dump the monstrous abuser. How to actually be cool and composed rather than just sound that way.
Dad died before I realized that he was truly sick. Before I could know that it was now or never and go to the hospital every single day. Before I could cope, and actually speak at his funeral. Before I could think of the words to use to say goodbye. Before I could accept enough to behave graciously when my mom asked for help. He died before I could ever imagine how big, how gaping a hole would be left behind in my heart.
But he died before he could lose all his hair from chemo. Before he grew senile with old age. Before he got arthritis. Before he was unable to hike down to the river and fish. Before he had to outlive my mother.
Just under the ten minute mark. Time to go tell some jokes.
recommend this
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 28
*you are quickly becoming one of my must reads* =)
Thank you for posting to Daily Free Write.
Although you don't feel you were prescient as your father passed on, you can now be a model to your friends in how to gracefully proceed in the face of deep grief because fromm the looks of it, that is what you are doing.
Exactly! I don't feel like I was prescient. There are so many regrets, but having been lost and unconcscious during it all is tough now. Thank you. I don't know about graceful. I don't have a graceful thought (or bone in my body), but I can probably give volumes on the what not to do's. Thanks for reading and responding. Graceful or not, I do think I continue in the face of adversity. Sometimes just keeping going keeps me going.
I don't know for sure who my real dad is. It's a long story short..
But, if my step dad were to pass away right now, I'd be lost.
MySpace Comments
Thanks for posting to my group, Anythingwriting
Featured in the Triple Name Club.
My dad died less than 2 years ago, but it feels like it was yesterday. There never seems to be a right time to be okay with letting go of someone we love.
I think that is often the case for writing and it's important to remember that not everything must be revised, rewritten, and anguished over. Sometimes it's the first pitch that's a direct hit.
Glad to know that my style isn't against all the rules. Not that I could really change it. It probably amounts more to finally putting to paper ideas and lessons that I have learned about myself. There is likely alltogether too much time spent in my head.
Just remember the good times you had that will fill the empty hole in your heart. I know it did for me. (with my brother too who had fatal accident) Remembering them fills the hole.
Thanks for the condolences. They will never be anything other than appreciated and appropriate. And you made me tear thinking that he would be proud.
I am glad that my writing gets you and that, in turn, you get it!