Smoochies!

Today I’m going to unlock the greatest secret of my Gather existence, the one thing I’ve never really explained, and the one thing I get asked about more than any other. The typical question I get goes something like this:

“Ed, what’s a smoochie? And why do you give them out to certain people?”

Fair question. And to answer it, I’d respond thusly - a smoochie is like a kiss, but with a bit less oomph. Kinda like a diet drink is to a regular drink, you know that it’s wet but you’re not quite sure if you really drank anything afterwards. Like a pseudo drink, if you will. And that’s exactly what a smoochie is, it’s like a kinda kiss that leaves you wondering just how much of a kiss you actually received. It’s kinda good, it’s kinda warming, but you wonder inside just what it all means. Is it real, is it Memorex, or is it what?

That’s why I give smoochies out all over the place, give them indiscriminately, and never worry too much about offending anyone. Why would someone get mad at an online semi-fast pucker that’s quicker than the Road Runner with indeterminate meaning attached? They can’t, and that’s the beauty of a smoochie. It’s there, people like it, but they don’t know what it is. They’re beautiful, and absolutely perfect for a guy like me.

It’s time for me to reveal something to y’all, though. There’s actually a bit more meaning behind some of my smoochies than what I’ve let onto thus far. I’ll admit that I’ve been kinda holdin’ out on y’all up to this point, but I’m going to turn loose now and come clean. Here, for the first time ever, are a few secrets of mine as regards smoochies:

1. I only give them out to women. The day I give them out to guys is the day I’ll start eating Brie cheese off doilies and then dust off my genitals with powdered sugar right before attending a Tupperware party.

2. Multiple smoochies do mean something! If I give someone two or more, it means one or more of the following:

I like them.

I respect them.

I think they’re so hot that smoochies are a safe way of expressing my appreciation of said hotness. (Ain’t that both sweet and coy?)

3. I don’t give them out to mean, 3 bag haints. Hey, bein’ mean is one thing, bein’ haint ugly is another, but if you’re both there’s no way in hell that I’m goin’ to give you smoochies. A fella has to maintain some standards, you know.

Do smoochies make more sense now? Good, I knew that once I applied scientific principles to them that it’d clear a bunch of things up. So, now that we all know what smoochies are, now that we all understand what they can be, and now that we all understand that we’ll never give them out to mean azzed/haintly types, we can all enjoy and give them out even more than we have in the past.

My suggestion is that now we shower smoochies on each other. Give them to me and to each other here in today’s thread. And hey, y’all can flavor your smoochies like this, “Selene, here’s a raspberry smoochie for you in honor of your great literary renderings,” or “Rita, here’s a cherry smoochie for you in honor of how very pretty you are.” You can vary the intensity of them as well, maybe something along these lines, “Esther, here’s a four megaton smoochie because of how openly erotic you are,” or, “Joyce, here’s a ten story swan dive off the roof top smoochie for bein’ so incredibly coy!” See the possibilities, and ain’t they swell?

Okay, let’s get down to it – let’s orgy out on smoochies below. The more y’all give them the more comfortable y’all will be with giving them, and that can only be good for me in the long run. So darlins, start doling out some fun, kinda hot good juicy smoochies below!