The Long and Short... Well, Maybe Just The Long Of It.

I was a kid when Crystal Gayle performed at the Auglaize County fair. She was still pretty young, too... seventeen, I think. Her hair hadn't reached its famous length yet, but it was still pretty respectable, hanging down past her hips.
I don't know whether it was seeing her, or whether it was the Rapunzel story which made me want to grow out my hair. I've never achieved the kind of length that Crystal Gayle eventually did, but it's long. I've rarely had it cut at all since Mom let me start growing it out. I was seven years old.
Now, it's twenty-seven inches long, and has been that long for nearly ten years. During that time, I've noticed a few things about having long hair. Of course, these are all observations regarding long, straight hair... I am sure those with long, curly hair can add a few (and I'd love to see them!)

Random long hair facts garnered from my own experiences:

When dining out, wearing an "up" hairstyle isn't just for classy looks... there's a law, kind of like Murphy's law. "Whatever can get in the hair, will get in the hair."
If you forget to style your hair before going out, or don't get the chance, don't worry. You can just tell everyone you're saving that gravy, mustard, or Cole Slaw for later.

The level of static charge and rat's nest factor achieved by wearing either a hat or a hood are both exponentially proportional to the length of your hair.

In the shower, with your wedgie-prone underwear gone, and therefore out of the way, it is the sworn duty of all really long hair to take its place. This is so that later, when you are dressed and in public, one lone strand can appear, attached to your butt cheek, and dangle down your leg, tickling the back of your knee. Further, that hair must wait until you are around people, so that you can't do anything about it without looking really, really weird.

The "windblown look" that people love so much may be sexy at two to six inches, but at twenty-seven inches it just looks like you got attacked by a wild animal.

Hair that is twenty-seven inches long can stick out twenty-seven inches behind you, too. It is also much more static-prone than short hair, making it more likely to stand out like that. Given these facts, it is a bad idea to wear your hair down and stand with your back to a table upon which a burning candle is sitting... even if you are a full foot away from it.

Your cat's hairballs are nothing... really. Check under the couch. You could make your own, personal Wookie out of that!

Harvard's Law of Hair: Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of scrunchies, wax, spray or gel, and other products, the hair will fall and hang wherever it darn well pleases... but you're going to try to tame it, anyway.

A "punk rooster" that is a foot tall looks totally far out. A punk rooster that is just shy of two and a half feet tall, worn by a woman who is nearly six feet tall, will hit the ceiling in almost every room of the house, causing a distinct change in posture which will put her back totally far out.

Enough hair gathered together in one place is strong enough to break the beater bar in every vacuum cleaner you buy.

Condition your hair every time you shower. It has a temper, and if you don't treat it right, it will cling to your neck at night, and try to strangle you in your sleep.

Thick hair makes a great extra layer of clothing on your back for added warmth... especially during those hot days in August!

A wise man may have said, "Wherever you go, there you are," but he'd have been wiser if he'd said, "Wherever you go, people will find strands of your hair later on."

Wherever you decide to sit, the area covered by your hair will immediately and irrevocably be commandeered by the nearest cat.

It's best to wear a tight bun while cooking. Otherwise, no casserole, soup, roast, or cobbler will escape the addition of one final ingredient; a twenty-seven-inch-long strand of hair, which, when you have visitors, will always be found by your most squeamish guest.

The ability to do the "Sailor Moon" Odango hair style (for which she is nicknamed "meatball head" by another character in the show) will totally impress your daughter when she's ten, but not so much a few years later when she's fifteen. However, being able to do Princess Leia's "Stellar buns" and Chun-Li's Ox horns will impress your nerdy gaming buddies now matter how old they - and you - get.

A few individual, silver stands will stand out all that much better against a head of dark brown hair when both dark and light are twenty-seven inches long .

Having twenty-seven inch tresses means that each strand has twenty-seven inches of length on which to develop split ends.

A nice, tight braid, when launched at the correct speed by rapidly turning one's head to the side, makes a great weapon to use against the guy in the desk behind you, who has been kicking your seat all through class. When he tells the teacher you assaulted him with your hair, just wiggle the top end, letting the rest flop around, look confused, and ask, "how?" Now, the teacher won't take the guy seriously at all, and you can threaten to wear that hair band with the shiny metal beads on it tomorrow.

Even a professional plumber can and will get grossed out if he finds enough really long, black hair in your drain!

Just because someone is fifteen and doesn't have any training as a hair stylist, doesn't mean she doesn't know what she's doing. Just because someone is thirty-five, and is fully trained as a hair stylist, with years of experience... doesn't mean she does.

You think that pony-tail is a convenience-styling trick to keep your hair out of your way. Mom thinks it's a handle to remind you that she's talking to you, young lady!

Never jump out of the car, slam the door shut, and sprint for the house in the rain without first making sure that you didn't shut your hair in the car door. It hurts, especially in the small of the ego.

People who can't maintain long hair on their own heads will always have what they think is a good reason why you should cut yours.