Christmas is the season of joy and giving, but among my family and friends it seems to get more complicated ever year. And, even though it's a few months out, I'm still planning ahead. Like most of my connections, money is once again going to be tight. There's no way I can pay for even the most frugal Christmas unless I start buying some gifts now. So, I have a few questions I would like your thoughts on.
1. Regifting with a twist...last year, we all talked about the pros and cons and dangers of regifting. (My poor MIL once gave my SIL a beautiful bath and body gift set. She just forgot to take the original gift tag off. Oops. When my sister in law complained, I offered to take it...then she shut up.)
Anyway, this year I would like to regift a prize I won. A few months back, I won an ultimate collection of mystery novels. Before I delved into them (which I really wanted to), I realized these crisp, new books would make a great gift for my sister. Books are often a luxury to her since she's on disability and she loves mysteries. This is a set of about 8 books. She doesn't knwo I won them and I doubt she would ask about returning any of them. Actually, it's a much nicer gift that I could aford to give her. Is this type of regifting less controversial and acceptable, since it was a prize and not a gift. I haven't read any of the books, so they look brand new.
2. Giving when you've been asked not to give. Last year, we cut out Christmas gifts in our office, which is small with only four other people. I don't care so much about getting gifts, but I would like to give a small gift to those who work for me. Christmas is one time of the year when I can say thank you for all of the things they do for me throughout the year. These people do not necessarily fall into secretary's day or any other holiday. I imagine a very inexpensive gift, even less than $10. Askiing each of them into my office at the end of the day and asking them to discreetly place their gift in the purse and save the nice note for them to read when they got home. Everyone but my boss would be getting a gift.
3. Going homemade when others don't. Some of my family members exchange presents every year. At one time, we were very close. We don't have the chance to see each other very often but we do enjoy spending some time together around the holidays. I feel these four or five relatives go a little overboard. Usually, I have been able to find reasonable (or even frugal) gift buys throughout the year. Money has been tight and I haven't had much extra to spend on Christmas presents this year with all the other expenses. I'm thinking about a nice gift in the jar or something similar....I'm sure gather will have lots of ideas as the holidays come near.
So, do you think these are social mistakes? Do you think they have the potential to cause hurt feelings?
How are you cutting back on the money you spend this year at Christmas?
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Comments: 57
Again, we won't be buying anyone any gifts at all :(
I actually had a close family member tell me last year that they weren't sending a present because I don't need anything and they could better spend the money elsewhere on things they needed for the home. So there you go. Why give me a present you resent giving anyway?
As a matter of fact it's been years since I've even seen a piece of handiwork displayed in a home where I gave my handmade sewing piece as a gift. I wonder what people did with the items that took months to make. Now I'm sounding like an old foogie or other "f" word.
A couple of years ago, my mom had a bag in the back seat of her car. She said that she had to drop it off at Goodwill and did I want to see if there was anything I could use. In that bag I found a wall quilt that I had pieced and appliqued all by hand for her for a gift! I was crushed.
People want the flash and the gift cards anymore or nothing. All of the spirit of thoughtful giving is gone.
Do you all remember when the Martha Stewart poncho was so big a few years ago? My sister is quite the knitter and I asked her to make me one for Christmas. She was all excited until our friend insisted that hers be bought from Martha Stewart's Web site, not homemade? What was the point of that? So, my sister got discouraged and was convinced that not only did my cousin not want her poncho, but I didn't want it either.
2-How about instead of a gift, maybe just a nice plate of baked goods. You could small ornament to the tag- even the dollar tree has some lovely ornaments in 2 packs for $1.
3. Similar to regifting, I feel there is nothing wrong at all with gifting something homemade that you know the people will enjoy. My husband's family is not large, but they still do the all around gift exchange. I always wind up with crap that I won't like, or enjoy, because you've got people who don't know each other giving a gift just to give something. I stopped doing that. Now, for the guys, I buy small mini-loaf sized ceramic pans with holiday designs on the front ($1 at Michaels), then I bake breads in them. I give the bread to the guys, and either handmade heating pads or ornaments to the women. I spend maybe $15-20 total, and get lots of compliments on the items I give.
3-
Another idea- the gift of time. If you have someone who has little children on your list, offer a night of free baby sitting. For the elderly, overly busy, or disabled, offer a house cleaning. Something that you can freely give, without spending money.
Quite often, especially for large get togethers, people continue traditions they can't afford, because they think someone else will tell them they have to. You should never feel obligated to spend money if you know you can not afford it.
when my aunt and uncle were here from Michigan we met up at my brothers. I was working on making those little plarn gift bags (out of plastic bags) and my nephew pops up.."don't tell me, our gifts are going to be in those this year" I told him maybe LOL They never know what I am going to make or give them....
Secondly, homemade gifts. I love to receive homemade gifts. My sister makes jewelery and I love for her to make me earrings, bracelets and so forth and give the to me. I for one, would rather receive a homemade gift than a store bought gift. They mean so much more.
Thirdly, money is tight everywhere. Don't feel bad at all. Do what you can and make the best of this Christmas. It will be a great Christmas for you I am sure.
Your sister loves books, so giving the ones that you won are a great idea. If she loves reading half as much as I do, she won't care how you got them.
I am dreading Christmas, why did you have to bring it up? Just kidding, but I still have to get through 4 more birthdays before then!
Honestly, I think that the recession is going to be a good thing, because some people will actually realize what really matters in life. The people you care about should be able to understand your situation and just appreciate all the thought that you put in to whatever you do end up giving.
My family in Denmark is huge at gift giving. The amounts are big, and for every celebration the extended family go together and give an amount toward some big presents. When I lived in Denmark I simply had to let them know that I could not be a part of it. The boys and I lived solely on my maternity leave, which was less than people would get in unemployment. We did fine because we did not need any extras, but the gift budget had to be slashed.
Since I am now a stay-at-home mom with very little income, I only give gifts to my grandmother, mother-in-law dad, dad's girlfriend, my two brothers, their wife/girlfriend, my niece and my soon to be nephew. This really is a lot on my budget, but I buy all year round. I don't really do wish lists, as I buy seasons ahead. Instead I just really put thought into it. I am already trying to get my Christmas gifts together because my younger brother is coming in a couple of weeks, and it will save me a whole bunch on shipping.
Giving the gift at work - it sounds like a nice idea, but if you are their boss I would do the gift-giving on the last day before Christmas break...& emphasize that you do not want anything in return.
Going homemade - everyone loves to receive baked goods. You could give a variety of baked goods to them at Christmas, or fo a Cookie-A-Month coupon book for someone, Baked-Bread-A-Month, etc. Even a delicious plate of home-baked cookies would & should be loved as a gift.
Were you thinking about doing something else home-made?
You could give hand-made greeting cards as a gift
You could print out a nice photo you took & frame it as a gift (buy clearance or thrift store frames & paint them even.)
I do wish I could get my own kids not to expect so much. They're usually apprative for anything they recieve. Being the mom though I just always want to buy more....
As for regifting I think it's ok as long as the presant has never been used and is still in brand new shape.
I don't do much in the way of gift giving now, and no one would mind if I regifted anything. I just give gifts to my husband, son, two nieces, my parents, and my little sister (which I suppose isn't fair, but oh well). My parents and little sister would actually be mad if they thought I spent too much money on them.
I don't really think that giving a prize you won is regifting. Like JR, I've picked out prizes to give as gifts on purpose. Last year I got my nieces each something from an online site, and was working toward the prizes with them in mind. And that's where a lot of Elliott's presents come from.
I think giving away prizes is an excellent idea too.
I think everyone is still feeling the economic pinch. Today was my birthday, and it was much more low key than in previous years, but I don't mind. I think reasonable adults are aware of the economic constraints that we all face. I take it that Christmas will follow suit. Buying ahead is one way to cope. Making handmade gifts is another. Personally, I adore handmade gifts. One of my friends makes me zucchini bread every year for Christmas, and it's one of my favorite gifts. I love homemade jams and jellies, breads and cookies because I don't do any of that stuff.
It seems that there should be some creative way to show your love for your family, friends, and coworkers without breaking the bank. One place I work had a rule that no one could give gifts to the bosses, they could give to their workers, but not vice versa.
Also, as someone else suggested, if you give them at the last possible minute before Christmas and tell them nothing is expected in return, they won't have time to reciprocate, but you can still show your appreciation.
Christmas is supposed to be a happy time. We are supposed to enjoy each other's company and celebrate the season with kindness and compassion. It never hurts to go back to what Christmas is really all about and firmly grounded in that, go from there.
And I wouldn't for a minute feel bad about giving books that I won. Those sound like a terrific gift. My brother is famous for his thrift store/estate sale finds. I'll admit I don't know how he does it, but in our family his gifts have always been the most adored by all his nieces and nephews. Over the last 36 years he has come up with a silver bowl with reindeer on it, a reindeer statue, a silver butter dish complete with glass plate in it. Were he in the antique business, I could understand him being so capable. But he does this while just rummaging in his spare time.
Good luck. I hope all works out for you on Christmas.
as for your co workers. Give them home made items like cookies breads make a snack try to take to work the day before you guys go on break that way it's not considered a gift and you can also show how much you appreciate them. With the snack or goodie tray you make you can include your boss too.
I make home made gifts every year. About 6 years ago my friend who I have known since we were 5 (32 years now..wow we are getting up there) her husband was laid off and she wasn't working. They had no money and I didn't want her kids to think Santa forgot them or that they were bad so I made them blankets. They loved them, They knew I made them but thought santa gave me the stuff to make them for them. Every year I make them a new one and they look forward to them. I once made them Pajamas and a quillow ( blanket that folds up into a pillow.) They even ask me each year around july or so what I am going to make this year because they can't wait to see it! These kids are 14 and 11 now.
I am going to apologize in advance here.... but I am sorry if you take the time and effort to put your love into a home made item be it food or a craft and some one wants to put it down and not appreciate it then they are jerks and don't deserve the time next year.
I had a nephew who looked at what I made him and had the nerve to say is that it? I told him it's much more than he will be getting the next year and I stuck to it. the following year I got gifts for his siblings and nothing for him. he said he was sorry and since then If I give him a paper bag he is appreciative.