I have hesitated to put this on Gather ... for a year. It's a little long--- but this was a part of my life I HAD to get on paper. Thank you. LRF
I limped away from THE CHURCH a battered, bruised, and broken man. A shattered , confused, embittered man. I had been ruthlessly hung by THE BIBLE 'BELT' wound so tightly around my gasping throat ---- that all but my final feeble breath had been choked out of me .
I had been manipulated , intimidated by guilt and fear, until RELIGIOUS PARANOIA had paralyzed me---afraid to make a move, afraid to say a word, lest it be wrong.
Under the false pretense of SALVATION FOR MY SOUL , I had been viciously assaulted with FIRE AND BRIMSTONE , vehemently screamed at, PULPIT-POUNDED by threats of eternity in a NEVER-ENDING HELL ....
Lost in a bewildering maze , between the promise of SALVATION , and the threat of DAMNATION ... like some spiritual white mouse... scurrying back and forth between "Judge Not ... " and being judged harsly by the ones who preached it. /// I was miserably failing this ecumenical experiment, perpetually lost in this salvation maze : not because of any lack of my own sense of spiritual direction... But because 'THEY ' kept pulling the string on the evangelical cheese !!!
For the sake of conformity to rules, regulations, dogmas, and creeds --- my IDENTITY HAD BEEN STOLEN--- and replaced by some brain-washed, mindless, robotic, pre-programmed, COOKIE-CUTTER, ASSEMBLY LINE, CHURCH-ROLL MEMBERSHIPPED alternate life form ; ready to meet my maker : but would HE even recognize me after I had been so drastically RE-FORMED by the CHURCH , from the unique creature HE had personally formed all those years.
But HE did recognize me !!! And in mercy , God lovingly reached out --- and as HE gently carried my nearly lifeless body and spirit---Oh especially my broken, limp, crippled and DYING SPIRIT --- from the quagmire of CHURCHIANITY ; from the quicksand of RELENTLESS RELIGION
HE breathed the precious breath of life back into my spirit --- and the greatest MIRACLE of all, was that after all my ruthless torture at the hands of THE BULLY PULPIT, at The Harsh Judgement seat of CHURCHIANITY and its band of THUGS FOR FAITH --- The Miracle of all Miracles was that after all those years of torment and torture :
I STILL BELIEVED !!!! I STILL BELIEVED !!!
NO, not in THE CHURCH--- the church which had somehow, somewhere, sometime along the way seems to have DEIFIED ITSELF, Magnified itself , beyond proportion; the church which sometimes seems to worship itself ---
No, Not in the church .
But I still believed in HIM, my GOD, my CREATOR, The GOD of all the universe.
Yes after being beaten so mercilessly into SUBMISSION by the iron hand of the self deified church ; after losing my identity and self-worth, my human dignity ; so that I could be molded, scolded, FOLDED , and presented to the congregation as A GOOD CHURCHMEMBER ---
I still believed in God .
In spite of the cruel and unusual punishment inflicted upon me by those who claimed to be HIS EARTHLY REPRESENTATIVES ---who spoke the words of SWEET SALVATION , but with the stench of BRIMSTONE on their breath
And the smoke from the fires of hell
billowing from their flared nostrils--- yes after being almost eaten alive by the cancer of church membership : I STILL BELIEVED IN GOD. And by HIS grace and mercy : I AM A SURVIVOR .
This, is my story .
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Respectfully, Lonnie Ray Fowler
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Comments: 33
(Great post, Lonnie......)
God is about love. I am so glad you kept believing.
If it will help any in letting you know how much I appreciate your words here, I've also struggled with a similar experience. I'm not ready to share anything about it on Gather, but I might some day. I think of it as an awakening.
But I have felt more at peace than I have in a long time. I hope you have had a similar experience.
That's quite a story you have there. Thank you.
My good friend. I hung in there, just waiting long enough to hang you out to dry. I was listening and getting ready to form a lynch mob(LOL) Then the tone changed, and what I hoped to hear in the end is what was there in flashy gold. You hung none of this dishonor on the Lord. The flock, well that's a whole different matter. Don't worry church leaders, you aren't off the hook here by a long shot.
Yes, at times Lonnie, you were a bit dramatic and I thought you were staging a church uprising or simply a Great church play that would act as a mirror to the shepherds and a reminder to the rest of the flock to not get too wrapped up in shock and awe presentations. This was presented in a good fashion and led to an even better conclusion. An editor would hold up the sign of the cross as you got a bit too carried away by the GIANT BOLD LETTERING - OMG. But other than that, I applaud you for a good word. One we hope will not scare away newbies from finding their way into the Everlasting arms of Jesus Christ.
Cheers,
Don
I am active in my church, use what is helpful to my spiritual life, and leave the rest behind. I have to say that my church community inspires me with their concern for others and their good works.
I feel blessed for your sharing. You speak for many of us.
You just wrote not only your own life, but mine as well, I second that big HUG that Liz just offered. And yes, God is always with me, but not because of a church. I'm so glad you wrote this.
Marilyn
GOD, ultimate truth ... God and god(s), less and lesser truths.
I remember commenting that the church is responsible for making a lot of people become atheist. I will look for it again. Was it on one of your threads?
I also remember writing that taking a course in theology is a good way to destroy your faith in God.
Peace Lonnie; the true religion is out there. Keep lookng for it (but keep avoiding churches.)
Religion has been a very bad press agent for GOD.
DON'T JUDGE GOD BY THE COMPANY WHO KEEPS HIM.
Lonnie