A Red-Threaded Step Child of a Haiku

Comments: 38

Granny Janny H. Sep 11, 2009, 1:43am EDT

wow

Atticus *. Sep 12, 2009, 10:29pm EDT

Thanks Jan

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JustMe ~I'm happy to be~ Sep 11, 2009, 5:26am EDT

Love it!

Atticus *. Sep 12, 2009, 10:28pm EDT

Thank you Little Red.

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Ferosh (Site Translator for LOLSPEAK)is O. Sep 11, 2009, 5:51am EDT

Ooh! Satori.... Brynn likes to say that it's like finding that piece of gum on your shoe. :) I think he has a somewhat pessimistic preference to satori's meaning.... I don't see any gum here, this is absolutely beautiful, and how nice of you to do this for James.

Atticus *. Sep 12, 2009, 10:28pm EDT

Hey Thanks Ferosh! Hmmm.....a piece of gum on your shoe? I'd like to think about that. I guess it could be.

:-)

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Andrea Grenadier Sep 11, 2009, 8:12am EDT

Lovely, Atticus! And a brilliant almost-pun on the name "Satori", since it's close to "sartorial," followed by "clothed." I'm with Jan! Wow!

Atticus *. Sep 12, 2009, 10:22pm EDT

Thanks so much Andrea. I love the idea that Satori, seeing through to one's true nature/nakedness is...clothed. which is ironic because "red thread" refers again to a certain type of nakedness of sensuality - and of course the Red Thread school of Zen.

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Stirling D. Sep 11, 2009, 8:21am EDT

This is about as perfect as it gets.

Atticus *. Sep 12, 2009, 10:12pm EDT

I appreciate that very much Stirling

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JOHN BECK Sep 11, 2009, 8:31am EDT

Magnificent!

Atticus *. Sep 12, 2009, 10:11pm EDT

Thank you so much John

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Jennifer Lee Sep 11, 2009, 9:12am EDT

A perfect tribute poem for James. Very original and well done.

Atticus *. Sep 12, 2009, 10:11pm EDT

Thank you Jennifer

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Cheryl W. Sep 11, 2009, 9:12am EDT

Wow, this is beautiful!

Atticus *. Sep 12, 2009, 10:09pm EDT

Thank you Cheryl

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Ann M. (Site Scryer) Sep 11, 2009, 11:21am EDT

I think this may be *not quite* a tribute to James. It seems more of an ode to the connection between the sensual and the spiritual.

Atticus *. Sep 12, 2009, 10:09pm EDT

Yes indeed Ann, exactly my intent.

Atticus *. Sep 12, 2009, 10:32pm EDT

But then again, what better tribute to James and his sensual mastery of the Japanese forms

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Kushal Poddar Sep 11, 2009, 12:07pm EDT

The picture is so complete I cannot get out of its frame.

impasto

Atticus *. Sep 12, 2009, 10:08pm EDT

Much appreciated Ku

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Nancy Silveria Sep 11, 2009, 2:10pm EDT

The image of enlightenment is vivid.

Atticus *. Sep 12, 2009, 10:08pm EDT

Thanks Nancy

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Aman V. Sep 12, 2009, 5:35am EDT

Hi Atticus. I don't ever comment on Haikus - the not-so-good can't be commented upon, and the best ones don't need it. But this is so compelling, so beautiful and ... perfect. In its high-wire act between the sensual/material and the spiritual, in the seemingly simple yet layered metaphors that evoke the enlightenment you speak of ...

I love this.

I write haikus in Japanese (got that from my Mom)- and truth to tell, the magic of the original really *can*t* be translated. Somehow, though, you managed to evoke the pure essence of it - hats off to you!

Atticus *. Sep 12, 2009, 10:07pm EDT

Thanks Aman. Your praise is very generous! I would love to read (and write) Haiku in the original Japanese. I know how much nuance is surely lost in translation.

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Angela A. Sep 12, 2009, 11:12pm EDT

Due to my internet connection being very slow, I am going to have to leave generic comments. So, very sorry.
Darn, router, never works!!
Thanks for posting to my group, Anythingwriting

Atticus *. Sep 16, 2009, 9:47pm EDT

Thank you Angela.

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Kathryn E. Sep 13, 2009, 10:16pm EDT

Oh God, atticus..............................just perfection.

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Kathryn E. Sep 13, 2009, 10:16pm EDT

Featured in the Triple Name Club.

Atticus *. Sep 16, 2009, 9:47pm EDT

Thank you so much Kathryn. You are very kind to feature my poem.

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James Ciriaco Sep 16, 2009, 5:34pm EDT

Okashisa, Atticus-sama. The poem stands on its own, but I'm honored to have had any part in it.

With not a thought
for my black hair's disarray,
I lay myself down--
soon longing for the one whose hands
have so often brushed it smooth.

-- Izumi Shikibu

Atticus *. Sep 16, 2009, 10:25pm EDT

Not ridiculous at all my friend! Your poetry is masterful. Unless of course by "okashisa" you meant that you are laughing at my little poem :-)

It was inspired by your reference to Ikkyu Sojun on your status update. Thanks for the beautiful response poem. You inspired me to look up Izumi Shikibu to see if she was related to Murasaki Shikibu. Thanks I found a whole treasure trove I hadn't explored for years.

James Ciriaco Sep 16, 2009, 10:37pm EDT

I'm glad you enjoyed the quote, Atticus. Ikkyu is quickly becoming one of my favorites among the Japanese poets, for several of the reasons that you've suggested in your excellent haiku. I would never laugh at your work, for which I have the highest respect. I'm sure usage varies, but I took the term okashisa from the critical vocabulary of Fujiwara no Shunzei; Stephen Carter translates it as "wit and charm" which your poem certainly possesses. :) A better term might be en, or "rich, romantic beauty."

James Ciriaco Sep 16, 2009, 10:42pm EDT

If you're interested, I'm reading Traditional Japanese Poetry: An Anthology, translated and edited by Steven D. Carter. It's a great overview.

Atticus *. Sep 16, 2009, 10:58pm EDT

Thank you James. I appreciate the clarification on "okashisa" My japanese is rudimentary. I had to look it up. I thought you were being humble. So I was teasing you a bit, as is my very bad habit. :-)

Thanks also for the suggestion. It sounds great. I will look it up!

James Ciriaco Sep 17, 2009, 9:50am EDT

My Japanese is nonexistant; I'm relying entirely on Steven Carter's prefaces, which are fairly informative.

(I thought about pretending to be modest, the better to puff myself on your kind objection, but that would have been immodest of me. ;) )

Atticus *. Sep 17, 2009, 11:12am EDT

I'm going to get that book. It looks really inclusive and extensively researched.....And actually "rudimentary" was an overstatement on my part when describing the extent of my knowlege of Japanese. As for humility; don't they say it's the thought that counts? ;-)

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R. Ellen M. Sep 25, 2009, 2:05pm EDT

Atticus - I love the multiple meanings in almost every word and the play on words with the title is fantastic; "red-threaded step child" made me smile and intrigued me to read the poem.

Once again you have demonstrated your ability with very few words to paint a picture. The subtle but powerful visual imagery is beautiful.

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A Red-Threaded Step Child of a Haiku

Comments: 38

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