America's Next Top Model Cycle 13: Petite ANTM

Being 5'3", America's Next Top Model Cycle 13 is nothing if not encouraging. For this season, Tyra has put a spin on her long-running show: all the girls are 5'7" and under. This isn't as ridiculous as it sounds--Kate Moss falls in that category as well.

In actuality, the first episode of an ANTM season is the least interesting. Half of the characters will be cut before the closing credits, unveiling the final lucky 14 who will go on to compete. The beginning is shrouded in a haze of screaming, ditziness and Tyra-worship. And anyone who watches the show knows Tyra is half crazy. Each year, the schmaltz is turned up a notch, resulting in cheesy challenges and annoying J. Alexander shenanigans. But that's not why I, or anyone, watches. It's for the photo shoots, the fashion and the character development that comes later on, once the fat is trimmed a bit.

Speaking of fat being trimmed, that's exactly what happened to former judge Paulina Porizkova. The polish beauty was given the ax after last season in, as she claims, an effort to save money. Funny. I would have considered J. Alexander far more expendable than Paulina.

This season, the worst character is Amber, who proclaims, "I'm only getting loving-er, my love is only getting stronger in the lord" and "you should feel that burning love in Jesus Christ, not another man" when talking about sex. Either this girl is clinically insane, or a chronic attention-seeker. My bet's on the latter. Shockingly, Amber bows out for personal reasons on the second half of the two hour premier, making way for a lesser character who had been previously been eliminated, Lisa. Award for most crazy now passes on to Nicole, a red-headed beauty who alienates herself from the other girls and proudly proclaims that her nickname is "bloody eyeball." There's the signature young mother character in Rae, an ice blond with a 20-month-old daughter. There's even a girl on crutches, Courtney, who was injured in a cheerleading accident prior to filming. And Bianca is fast emerging as the mean girl with an attitude.

In the second half of the two hour episode, Tyra gets the makeovers right out of the way. Usually, she waits until the second or third episode to redo the girls, so it was nice to get this done so soon. The most shocking transformations were Sundai, whose long weave was replaced with a short Rihanna haircut, and Lulu, who got the reverse: long hair and blunt bangs across her eyes. Most of the others just had their looks enhanced; the reds were redder, the blonds blonder.

For their elimination challenge, the girls had to recreate childhood pictures in an edgy, editorial fashion. Rae, Nicole, Jennifer and Ashley quickly showed their skills. Lisa and Sundai struggled; Bianca's attitude got in the way as she threw a fit over her bleached eyebrows and makeup. Along with making their baby photos fashionable and updated, the girls had the extra challenge of appearing taller. At the judging table, supermodel Chanel Iman served as guest judge (perhaps they'll have a guest judge every episode). In the end, Bianca's unprofessional behavior and Lisa's poor picture landed them in the bottom two. Naturally, they gave Bianca a second chance and sent the replacement girl, Lisa, packing. Now that the first episode is out of the way and almost half the girls are gone, the show is really poised to pick up momentum.